El método que te ayudara a resolver cualquier conflicto

WEBVTT

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Hello everyone and welcome to ideas for
a better life. I am Eugenio Paya

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Ruiz, reader, hard- working
and lover of personal development. Today I

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want to talk about a method that
will help you resolve any conflict that comes

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before you. But before we start, as always, I want to remind

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you that you have at your disposal
a compilation of the most relevant ideas and

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tips on personal development. In my
own four books. I leave you as

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always the link to each of them
in the notes of this episode and also

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since many have asked me how and
where to train in personal development. I

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tell you what has worked for me, which is the personal development master'

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s degree online from IPP Institute of
Positive Thought. You know the best training

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in this field. If you want
to take a look at the masterclas completely

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free. I leave you on link
in the notes of the episode and if

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you have decided to change your life, but you are not ready to do

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a master' s degree yet,
I recommend that you download the ebook for

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free. Twenty- five habits for
economic abundance, an approved system, step

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by step with which you will be
able to improve your relationship with money so

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that you can have the lifestyle you
want. I also leave your link in

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the episode notes so you can download
that free ebook. And now we are

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going to talk about the URI method
to resolve any conflict. Conflict is normal.

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We are human and have always had
conflicts. Each has its own perspectives.

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Each has its own interests, and
those perspectives and its interests often clash.

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Now, we can choose to see
conflict as a bad thing or we

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can see conflict as an opportunity.
We can see conflict as something we can

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use to learn and to keep growing. Personally. Obviously, this last way

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of seeing the conflict will help you
more than the first. And this way

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of seeing conflicts, of seeing problems, is called possibilism. For potentialists,

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every problem has a solution. There' s always a way. For these

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people they believe that human action can
transform the conflict from something destructive to something

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constructive. If you take a posbilistic
approach, you' ll be able to

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transform your results. Whatever you have
a personal problem, a discussion at home,

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whatever it is to a debate with
another person who holds a different position,

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whatever you have a problem at work, any kind of conflict, any

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kind of problem with another human being. The possibilistic approach is going to help

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you overcome it. From where this
approach comes, it comes from William Uri,

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who is an American anthropologist specializing in
very high- level negotiations that basically

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sums up possibilism in a sentence.
Says William Muorie that possibilism is going out

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on the balcony, building a gold
bridge and committing to the third side and

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you' ll tell what the hell
this man meant, what the hell does

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this mean? Going out to the
balcony, building a gold bridge and committing

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to the third side sounds very rare, but this phrase, which sounds so

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strange, actually contains everything or,
an approach, a whole structure to be

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able to resolve conflicts and this sentence
is what I want to talk to you

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about in this episode. There are
three metaphors in that sentence. Go out

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to the balcony, build a gold
bridge and commit to the third side.

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Let' s see, one by
one, what they mean and how we

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can implement them in our lives.
The first is to go out to the

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balcony. Going out on the balcony
in this sentence means reflecting, means gaining

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perspective, building a golden bridge means
overcoming differences, reaching solutions to meet the

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needs of all parties and committing to
the third side means that we gain the

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support of third people to together carry
out the changes that are necessary to resolve

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that conflict. It' s three
metaphors that William mouri called the three victories.

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These and these three victories. If
you manage to make them and connect

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them, you can transform any conflict
and do the impossible. I' ll

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explain one to one in detail.
The first step is to go out to

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the balcony. The concept of going
out on the balcony is that you must

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take emotional distance, you must also
take mental distance from the conflict because,

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because that allows you, the first, to gain clarity and, the second,

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to gain control. And how we
distance ourselves by doing three things,

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pause, approach and distance. Pause
is the initial step as soon as you

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have a conflict. There has to
be a pause, you have to put

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distance, you have to stop and
distance yourself both emotionally and mentally from that

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conflict that has just begun. And
this is because it' s this pause.

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It is what will allow you to
reflect, it is what will allow

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you to do what the Stoics said, to create a gap between the stimulus

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and its response. If you do
this, if you pause, you will

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enter the conflict with a calmer,
more focused perspective, you will avoid emotional

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reactions. Therefore, first step when
you have a conflict with another person is

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to pause to stop on the balcony. After that pause, what we do

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is what William Mori called the approach, that is, we think about what

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our objectives are, what our needs
are in that conflict. And look here

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I' m not referring to what
superficial desires we have. No, no,

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it' s not about understanding what' s really important to us in

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that conflict. It' s an
introspective process and the key question here is

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what I really want. What I
really want in this conflict. What is

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the ideal solution for me and the
last step from that exit to the balcony

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is to get away, that is, to broaden the perspective and understand a

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somewhat broader context of that conflict in
which we have entered. So here we

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do things like trying to understand what
are the interactions between us and the other

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party or between the parties that have
the conflict. We' re trying to

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put ourselves in his shoes. And
another thing we do is we also understand

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what are the implications that a solution
would have to one side or the other

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long- term implications. Every solution
we give will have a long- term

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involvement that we need to understand at
that time. So, if we follow

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these three steps, if we go
out on the balcony, which in the

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end is what William Moori means,
when he talks about going out on the

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balcony, we start to handle the
conflict in a more effective way. We

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pause, we understand what we want
and we understand the context of in a

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broader sense, we put ourselves a
little in the shoes of each of those

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involved in the conflict and, moreover, we understand what are the possible scenarios

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that would derive from the solutions that
we can think So at the beginning.

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That' s the first part of
this gentleman' s sentence but William Mori

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also said that or his second part
of the sentence talked about building a golden

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bridge. So what it is to
build a golden bridge is to transform conflict

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into collaboration and how we do it, then, doing three things, listening

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to the other side, creating something
and attracting. Listening, listening requires passing

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from what is merely hearing. We' re not talking here about you hearing

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the other side. We are talking
about a deep understanding of what the perspectives,

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needs, emotions of the other side
are. And that to do that

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you' re gonna need empathy.
You know empathy is the ability to put

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us in each other' s shoes. That empathy and that listening bar understanding

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is going to be essential why,
because it' s going to allow you

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to get information from each other and, on the other hand, it'

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s going to help you foster an
environment of mutual respect and trust. So

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when you have a conflict with someone, you have to listen to the other

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side, even if you don'
t feel like it, because it'

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s that it' s fundamental that
what you don' t understand, if

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you don' t understand it.
If you don' t understand it,

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you won' t be able to
resolve that conflict. And I don'

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t just mean listening to the other
side. You have to listen to yourself,

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too. You have to recognize what
your emotions are in that conflict.

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You have to admit that you have
a series of prejudices, just like the

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other side will. You have to
recognize that you have beliefs, that they

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' re pushing you to see things
in a certain way. And you also

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have to recognize that you have a
series of preconceived ideas, a series of

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filters that we have also talked about
in this podcast, that are making you

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perceive reality in a way that,
well, we don' t know if

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it' s objective reality. So, if we don' t start by

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listening to ourselves and others, we
won' t understand the conflict. And

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if we do not understand the conflict, it is obviously impossible for us to

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resolve it. Second step to creating
that golden bridge is to create and by

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creating I mean to contribute ideas without
judging them. They make a kind of

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brain storming, with the other part
where each one can contribute his ideas without

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the other jumping saying that that idea
is nonsense or that it does not serve

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for xo for Greek. We encourage
creativity at this point and try to find

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solutions that work for all parties,
because perhaps the conflict ends there. Perhaps

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there is an idea that no one
has thought about and with which both sides

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feel comfortable and perhaps the conflict will
end at that time. And the third

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step in building that golden bridge is
to attract and attract in this field is

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to move from confrontation to collaboration,
to create an enabling environment. It'

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s about showing the other party that
you have good will, that you want

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to resolve the conflict, that there' s a commitment on your part to

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resolve it, and that everything goes
back to normal. What we are doing

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with this, as you can imagine, is to generate a trust base that

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we can gradually expand and that will
start to facilitate dialogue with the other side.

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This is, for example, what
the great world leaders do true when

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they are invited to work breakfasts or
meals or directives of the football teams,

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truth that in the end it seems
that they are always faced And when they

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play among themselves, because they are
going to eat together, is to attract

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to move from confrontation to collaboration through
the environment worth. We' ve already

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built that golden bridge and the last
metaphor of uri' s phrase is to

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commit to the third side. Who
is the third side, the others,

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the people who are not directly involved
in that conflict, And it is that

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the conflicts in the end occur within
a social context that is shared. So,

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even if you don' t have
to do directly with a conflict,

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it' s also affecting all those
who are part of that context, where

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the conflict occurs, they can and
can help that conflict to be resolved.

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Of course, here we encounter the
problem of that mentality in which we think

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or tend to think that this does
not go with me or that I cannot

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solve it, that they manage or
that we are afraid to get involved,

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because maybe we like both sides and
we do not want to get dirty.

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And we all have the ability to
help resolve conflicts and from the point of

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view of those involved in the conflict, when you ask for help or involve

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more people, that makes you closer
to the solution. Why. Because when

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a problem doesn' t matter what
the problem is, when a conflict is

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analyzed from different points of view,
when we put in thoughts, when we

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put in different experiences, then we
can find more easily solutions that none of

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us had thought about before. In
this case or in this example, diversity

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of thought can be fundamental to finding
effective ideas. It may be that an

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alien to your conflict comes up with
something because he sees it with a more

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open mind, sees it from the
outside, is an observer and then is

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more neutral, and then he can
come up with something that neither side had

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thought of before. So you already
know it to face conflicts, no matter

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how personal, labory of any kind, to conflicts constructively and to be able

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to resolve them that, in the
end is what a conflict is not there

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for it to be eternalized, for
a conflict to be conquered if we have

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it. What we should try is
to resolve it as soon as possible.

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Well, to do so, uri
presents us with the three victories called the

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balcony, the golden bridge and the
third side. What we do on the

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balcony, a pause, we gain
perspective, we step back, we evaluate,

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we control our response to the conflict, that is, we reflect and

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we approach our real needs. We
understand our needs and then move away little

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by little so we can see the
context. Let' s say the big

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picture of that conflict. Then we
go on to build a gold bridge as

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we built it listening, offering solutions
that can fit into both parts and attracting

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all parties in a pleasant environment that
incited collaboration and one third of the phrase.

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The third side is the role played
by others, who are in principle

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alien to the conflict, in resolving
that conflict. If you integrate those three

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practices, the balcony, the golden
bridge and the third side, what you

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are doing is to face conflicts not
as an obstacle, but as a path

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of growth and adopting those strategies,
you will transform any conflict that arises in

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life into an opportunity to improve your
life. If you liked this episode,

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00:17:00.320 --> 00:17:03.640
please give it to me like,
share on social networks or visit three points

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there you can subscribe and download for free

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a copy of my latest book.
Seven steps to a purposeful life and if

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you want to learn much more.
If you want to train a personal development

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with the best experts, check out
the free master class of IPP' s

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personal development master online. I leave
you the link in the episode notes and

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you know it if you' re
not ready to do a full master'

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00:17:34.799 --> 00:17:41.279
s degree, but you know you
want to change your life, download the

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ebook for free twenty- five habits
for economic abundance. I also leave your

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00:17:44.400 --> 00:17:51.079
link in the notes of the episode
and just say goodbye. Thank you very

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much, as always and until the
next o o o