Yunez Chaib podcast

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Comedy Central Podcast Hi Hi Hostia.
You applaud me as if you knew me

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or something and in fact you don' t know many people. This is

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the first thing I record in Comedy
Central as a stand- up and I

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' ve been performing in Palma de
Mallorca for about five years and from time

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to time they call me from a
local newspaper, always the same to always

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do the same interview. Every six
months you see that you stay a blank

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page and pull the agenda and they
come up to the Greek and that I

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am they reach to the fucking gre
don' t wait, wait and I

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realized that they are not interviews to
an emerging comedian, but they are interviews

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to a Moor who does something already
is a Moor who does something we are

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going to call him and tell us
what you do and in fact, even

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the nuance is different because it is
interviews to a Moor who does something good,

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you know and fuck that up.
He' s fucking with me,

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man, he' s fucking with
me. And once they asked me yunez

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you, what do you think of
terrorism. I mean, maybe my answer

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will get to you as I tell
you, no, because you might.

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You expect me to tell you,
because I think it' s wrong.

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No, but because those things don' t ask, man, you,

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what do you think of terrorism?
Imagine what I' m saying, well,

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look, I was so clear about
it so far, but your question

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has clicked on my head. Your
question clicked, Uncle, and now for

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your thing like that. And if
he ever told you, then look,

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I think that neither terrorism nor pacifism
know how to roll, roll an intermediate

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point. Terrorism is wrong, but
pacifism. Uncle man, neither one thing

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nor the other didn' t hit
last year or last year' s favorite

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Twitter moment. Well, you know
that from time to time someone tweets saying

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I' ve finally overcome an illness
or I' ve finally found a job.

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And like, since it' s
a social network with a lot of

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hate, that' s like a
lot of love all of a sudden and

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everybody turns cool. I' m
happy for you, even if I don

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' t know you, I love
you so much as my favorite moment last

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year was a kid who uploads a
video, walking like that in rehab,

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learning to walk and writing. I
had a brain tumor. I was in

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a coma for 12 months. The
doctors said he wouldn' t survive and

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if he did, he' d
never walk again. And here I am

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walking. Thank you very much to
Itana. Your music helped me. It

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' s nice, not because your
Italian music helped a guy in rehab,

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because this phone got into his head. All that and fuck the pretty one

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because it went well. And sixteen
thousand re twits, sixteen thousand people like

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that. You' re a hero
example to follow. That' s how

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we want millions of comments. You' re a fucking master is crack.

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I don' t know what.
Suddenly, an aunt shares a screenshot saying

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uh, this guy harassed me for
instagram and suddenly another aunt, uh,

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harassed me too. This guy'
s me, too. And the uncle

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his only fourth was not me.
I was in a coma. I was

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in a coma and suddenly a lot
of people start going down on their Twitter

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and they start watching fuck. He' s got a lot of super-

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machista tweets. I' m super
racist this guy in the shit and like

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sixteen thousand retuitches in your favor are
against you and the guy' s like

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the tsunami of the impossible coming on
him collecting his old twists so that no

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one sees them. And just like
people you' re shit, you'

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re gonna mulberry, you go back
to the hospital. People a guy and

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he says I' ve never removed
a like that fast. Suddenly, Aitana,

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who only sees the first tweet of
all, who is beautiful and who

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hasn' t lifted a carpet that
is full of shit, gives the retweet

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of the year to that and comments
oh how pretty and people don' t

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ha. There it is complicated,
it complicates UFFF that what I think of

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this, since the author has to
be separated from the patient. In these

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cases it is necessary to know how
to separate the perpetrator from the patient.

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Ufff Hostia. That' s my
favorite Twitter moment last year, my favorite

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moment from a few years ago in
real life was that I went to my

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grandparents' camp, which is in
northern Morocco. And whenever I go,

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like I leave every two years,
or that and I always find new cousins

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that I didn' t know and
that I don' t want to love

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them either, because it' s
like an emotional attachment of people from another

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culture that in the end clashes with
me, because I' m western,

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you know, and these people that
I see, see, I' m

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western, my grandparents, no,
my parents are there and I' m

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already there and I' ve already
assimilated that I' m not going to

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have an emotional attachment to people that
are my cousins. But I don'

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t do it, but about two
years ago I met a cousin who was

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a charmer, that is, she
stole my heart and we were, like,

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three months playing at Plan Guau,
like she felt like a cousin'

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s sister' s love to fuck. I feel an emotional attachment. I

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like her so much, and after
summer my grandmother comes to me and she

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tells me to see and I don' t understand the fucking language. So

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what I just did is super racist, because I speak four languages. My

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grandmother only talks one and they don' t match. And besides, she,

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she just talks. She, uh, only speaks speaking because wrighting didn

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' t have it. He only
speaks half a language and we don'

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t understand each other. And I
tell her, I tell her, Mom,

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that my grandmother wanted to say on
this and my mother tells me,

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there' s something like a arranged
wedding between you and your cousin and me

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that I like mom, no,
no, no to my mom, I

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' m western, I don'
t do these things. I don'

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t know what' s going on, tell me how it' s said

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in Arabs, just folk friends.
It gives me my commitment, I'

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m afraid of commitment. I'
m fucking from the West, I'

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m scared of engagement. I don' t commit to anyone. But we

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have to commit to hell, we
have to commit to the family, to

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the friends, to the couple,
like I need to learn to commit.

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And every Sunday I say come I
go to my parents' house and eat

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with them and I realized that we
are waiting in the living room for the

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food to be made, because it
is baked and such we are talking there.

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My mother tells me my mother,
she tells me to go to the

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lord throw spices and throw fennel at
her. For some reason, my mother

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separates fennel from spices. And my
only theory is that he' s been

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eating racism for 20 years in Mallorca, eating racism every fucking day and he

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said this, I have to get
him out somewhere. Dude, fucking fennel

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fennel coming in here, dude with
the fucking fennel, he pays for it

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with the fennel and I seas are
his stuff, we' re lives,

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his. And in time I tell
Mom, I have such a problem in

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class. I don' t know
what and he tells me to throw fennel

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at that, throw fennel at him. And there he kind of clicked me

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in the pussy brain, my mom
confuses fennel with eyeballing him? Ha ha

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ha ha ha ha EEAEEEA no,
my mother has been confusing fennel with her

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all her life? And from there
you flash backs to my past like,

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make him angry at the traffic light
because maybe in his head the Spanish saying

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goes hand in hand with spices.
You know, sir' s cumin is

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inscrutable, Mr Uncle Ufff' s
cumin. I' m look, I

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' ve got, I' m
racist, like good Western, I'

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m like good Western, I'
m pretty racist. And there' s

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one thing, that there' s
an issue that' s kind of worth

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this right now I' ve got
super normalized, and there are people that

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today among us there are people who
are called Matamoros. I' ve got

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it super normalized. Hey, I
can be your friend. If they call

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you Matamoros, we can be roommates
quietly that I' m not really going

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to worry about, but I remember
the first time I heard that last name

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in my fucking life, uncle with
seven years in class, it comes to

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a guy named Javier Matamoros. That
Javier Matamoros, and I, with my

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logic of seven years in plan,
okay, yes, blacksmith is that you

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people worked in a blacksmith' s
shop. What the fuck did this guy

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' s grandfather do, what the
fuck did I go to that guy'

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s footprint is like I think it' s okay, yeah, if I

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have a girlfriend who' s from
Matamoros' s country, I don'

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t want to go to that Christmas
dinner. I' m really sorry,

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but I don' t want to
get into it. Okay, I don

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' t want to get into that. And with my logic of twenty-

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six years, I think it'
s okay if Christopher Columbus went to South

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America and did what he did,
because nowadays there' s no last name

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kills Sudacas No. No, moment, silly, moment, moment, because

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Matamoro del Guay but kills Sudacas.
There should be a lot more Sweat Killer

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than Sweater Killer. Between us they
are more. Fuck, no, no,

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moment, moment, moment, moment, moment, because I don'

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t want to. I don'
t want a world where I have the

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privileges of a white guy and there
isn' t a matamoro there. I

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don' t want that. I
want the South Americans to be just as

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fucked up as I am as a
minority, and there' s a Sweat

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Killer, Fuck, Fuck for every
Sweepy Killer, a Sweepy Killer. It

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looks like a hell of a lot
to me for every slayer or a scoundrel,

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some Serbian scoundrel just in case for
what might happen in the future.

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But wait a minute, wait a
minute, wait a minute, wait a

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minute. It also happens that nowadays
they do not kill Moors? Don'

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t you kill Moors these days?
It' s a phrase you can say

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quietly. Today no Moors are killed, so that last name is like obsolete.

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You can' t go around saying
you' re called moths when you

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don' t kill Moors. But
maybe it would have to change, it

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would have to evolve badly looking moros. Thank you so much for two everything.