May 21, 2024
Ramon Tartas - Cena con millonaria
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M Comity Central Podcast. Hahahaha Good
night? Good night? Jaaa, good
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night? Some of you may think
that I say this to say something Good
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night. It' s super well
thought out. To start this show and
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one day I get up a stage
without thinking too much and I said hello,
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hello, hello, four Japanese sitting
in the front row. He got
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up and they freaked out. Jar
if all the jokes you have to comment
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on between you until the pills I
liked here this morning. Anyway, I
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' m here today in the Slavic
very happy. I' ve been treated
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like a fucking waitress. He tells
me you' re the bad guy,
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I say yes and he tells me
to watch you get warmed up. I
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make you a cubata and put you
a straw that I say if it is
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to heat, I could do it
backwards ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
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Anyway, I introduce myself, I
always present myself with the phrase that
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my password wife has in her hotmail. I love you very much Alberto that
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modito truth, my name is Ramón
Tartas and I come from a small town
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and Girona I don' t know
if you know it called the beach of
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hoop, what in English would be
biach or coal hop and those that we
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are from town And I, when
I leave, I lose the pussy.
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I heard about my house this morning. I put the GPS Madrid Calle Arenal
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that when I just wrote a GPS
was already in Zaragoza pussy and I give
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it to the ok and give it
what there is. The GP is done
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to me so I say shit.
I' ve had to resort to everything
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typical to ask the abritas on the
street and a ball, passing the dog
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under the glass, I say I' m like I' m going to
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fuck with the ball of the balls. I' m sorry, ma'
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am I' m fine to go
where I' m going, and the
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lady' s whole show answers me
straight. What do I say if I
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didn' t say it, where
I' m going. The only place
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you can go is shit and it' s over there. And he said
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second problem and came here today to
isolate all love. Two chicks at the
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door who were really hot. I
step in the middle and when one of
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us passes by he says to his
friend Mira, Mira, Auntie, how
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strong. This guy looks a lot
like the one who fucks me last month
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that, by the way, aunt
a mess in bed we' re going
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to see. I want to make
it clear that I don' t look
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like that guy at all. It
is I who finish the foot. Tells
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me you' re the typical cheap- eyed pencil guy who runs right away.
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I say yes, I mean,
you know that you' re the
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typical aunt and you' re clear
by moderate and functional. I say no,
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because you' re so easy to
ride, but I' ll flip
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for a moment. I don'
t know if you know it Today it
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' s exactly two hundred days since
the singer died This is the my wing
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house, which I say is weird
that she died with what the kid took
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care of, not that they did
the autopsy. The coroner saw his arms
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and said pussy we liked them.
You already have the road open, at
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least not that now they were going
to incinerate and jump to the coroner and
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say don' t be animals that
a bootahumeiru pussy will appear, but it
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goes totally and I' m going
to make a monologue. When the monologue
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is over. If, for whatever
reason, one of you doesn' t
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like it, you have my permission, you can spit at me, you
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can insult me, you can throw
things at me I sweat. I'
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m completely used to it. I
have been eight and a half years of
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regional football referee that one of you
thought why Catalan pussy for pasta. Don
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' t think about a game You
get paid more than 100 euros in total.
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You have to run ninety- five
minutes ninety behind the ball, five
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at the end of Adeno. The
people who are after you first arbitrating party
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in Madrid. I' m never
gonna forget it. I touched a small
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residential neighborhood of the periphili of Madrid, blessed bread, ja ja ja no,
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that the one that I was there
was me eh five minutes before passing
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the game knocks at the door of
my wardrobe. The patriarch of the blessed
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bread gypsies comes into my locker room
and tells me I' m subtitled.
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Good afternoon. Collegial sir, hahahahahahahahahahahaha. I read in the newspaper that you
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come from Chirona, that you strained
you that half of us have been to
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Chirona as well. People here talk
mushumically and we do, but don'
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t worry that I' m here
to protect you and keep an eye on
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you. And you' re not
going to happen to Nina and I swear
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to you by the Cross of the
Christ of great power that I' ve
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been hanging here in authentic gold of
twenty- four kilobatio, that nobody'
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s going to straw to you.
Guy' s going to think hell bon
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roll. Five seconds later he comes
back in and tells me, but let
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' s not lose that I say
shit, I go out on the field,
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field draw, throw the coin in
the air he' s never seen
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it again. We had to do
the stone draw, paper scissors that jumps
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to the Captain of Blessed Bread and
tells me stone and paper. We don
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' t smoke it here, I
say curious poles. For the curious.
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The match ended two to zero in
favor of the team of Pan Bliss,
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two goals of penalty. The usual
bad guy always thought he was telling me
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for sure that those penalties were doubtful
by my balls, that they weren'
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t invented directly. No, but
not apart from that game, my mother
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accompanied me back home. My mother
in the car tells me look, my
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son, I love you very much, but it' s the last time
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she' s with you at a
game of these. I say why,
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' cause people talk more about me
than you that smells ask for reason,
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no, and that I' m
hairy as a referee. And I have
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problems in my personal life. I, for example, have on my Facebook
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one hundred and eighty- five friends
and eight thousand seven hundred and eighty-
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nine enemies who write to me on
my wall. You son of a bitch.
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We' re gonna kill you.
I put it, I don'
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t like it. Another one gets
me one day I don' t shit
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on your father, it' s
just like me and one even wrote me
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one day. He fucks your mother
yesterday. I' ll take her.
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I know this guy. I'
m going to answer him for once you
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fuck, don' t presume so
much dad pulled that me. I don
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' t want to talk about Facebook
here, which many comics have already talked
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about Facebook, but I do have
Facebook and it' s a thing that
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surprises me that Facebook that shows that
we' re ass fools, I have
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four thousand eight hundred seventy- three
friends and the guy comes out in the
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picture. So I say you have
a friend that I can take a fucking
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picture and aside Facebook, it lacks
things that puts status. I went to
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the woods this afternoon with my girlfriend
Mariona and our dog Dunia to look for
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mushrooms in case we find tits that
we tell you tonight at Tita' s
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ball house and then we' ll
watch a movie that you can put on.
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I like it, I don'
t like it, I mean foul.
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The most important one is I sweat
it, because that doesn' t
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matter to anyone. Cost I take
care that I, because of Facebook,
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have been three months that I don' t talk to my mother. My
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mother has signed up for computer courses
for the insert I say, Mom,
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why do you sign up for computer
courses at your age, not to be
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able to communicate with my friends.
I mean, sign up for daughter courses.
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Better, sir, see, my
mom' s got the other day
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telling me I' m going to
see my friends I won' t be
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back late. I say don'
t fuck with you, I' ll
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give you eight o' clock for
my mother to go for a walk in
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the cemetery with a friend who was
cut off from her foot a month ago.
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He' s got him buried and
they' ll see that I say
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this yes, that he' s
a foot in the pussy grave and this
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lady Catalana, when she got the
bill to bury her foot, the very
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smart aunt. He returned it with
a note that he wrote and I'
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ll pay for everything together with Miraguel. But since I' m talking about
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cemeteries, I' ve come here
a few days is a little rough for
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me. Fifteen days ago my wife
died. I' ve had three women
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in my life. All three of
them have left me. The first time
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I always said you don' t
have a personality, you don' t
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know how to command, because he
sent me to fuck. The second one
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left me because he said I was
unfaithful to him. It wasn' t
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my fault, it was the drinking. I would go out with her on
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a party, get drunk and double
track and always fuck the one she wasn
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' t. And the third one
I said died 15 days ago. The
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poor woman died in someone else'
s bed and it was just this other
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one who called me on the phone
to give me the news and I asked
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her what was typical. You know
if he died suffering, he told me
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he didn' t see that he
was dead. While they were doing it.
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I say make sure she' s
monser, because when she did it
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with me she looked dead, but
no and the guy I' m just
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calling me on the phone to go
to her house to get the cold and
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I get there and I call a
very expensive hearse. I say fuck off.
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I' ll take her in my
car. I have a wide car.
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I got a Nissan Micra, we
put her in the car between the
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two of us. When we put
him in, I see that my wife
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' s lover puts the belt that
I say very well yes, sir,
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so that he doesn' t kill
himself and he starts driving and the Civil
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Guard' s five kilometers of alcohol
control, right in front of the slut
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club the Horna whale, which I
say I look at how well thought out
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the kids waiting for their moms to
get out of work and get to the
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Colemia count under the glass. The
Civil Guard stares at my wife, who
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was white as paper and tells me
that lady is his wife. I mean,
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it was and I don' t
want to know that I' d
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have to drink grapes. I mean, it already takes twelve every end of
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the year. Don' t touch
me It' s the egg. I
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don' t do the negative clemia
control that by the way, you remember
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the 17- or 8- year- old Alcolemia controls, that the blood
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alcohol limit was zero eighty, zero
eighty shit you went out of a completely
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drunk party, you blew yourself out
and you gave zero seventy- eight and
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the Civil Guard told you. You
saw nothing but the limit. I'
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m saying I can' t fucking
either. I do negative control to celebrate
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it. I' m going to
take four copichuelas to the club and when
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I leave they stole my car with
the cold inside. I call the Civil
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Guard. Typical police question. You
had some value inside the car. I
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mean courage. The GP is the
cell phone, the sunglasses are nothing more.
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I mean courage. I don'
t say later, he' s
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also been to my wife who jumps
the Civil Guard and says this guy is
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my hero, he goes off to
hookers and leaves the woman in the car.
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Yes, sir, but when your
wife dies, there are two essential
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phone calls that you always have to
make. First your mother- in-
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law to give the news. I
thought I' d tell you in a
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subtle way. We' re not
going to impact you, Mrs Antonia,
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on the number of daughters that you
had subtracted from one and the second way
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you have to do is not important
to me, but it' s a
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lot harder than you have to make
the mobile phone company to unsubscribe to the
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mobile phone of the dead woman.
There' s no balls. I'
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m not going to explain. I' m gonna do it because it was
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so that' s what I called
the Seister and nine. This is what
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happened one Catalan catalan decommissioning a mobile
phone. Death, no, not that
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the headline died and no longer needs
it. They' re going to put
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me through to an operator who speaks
Catalan. You' re good afternoon.
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You already have Don Gabriel Jesús José
of the Department of Attention to Gilipolla and
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this one I know here that you
are Don Ramón Tarta Masager, tell me
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please, where Ramon a name so
I can address you. Chuck Norris,
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this Mr Chuck, tells me the
operator that you want the phone down.
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Mobile deceased. I' ve passed
away. Yeah, it' s me
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this one why he wants to give
you guys down the phone. I say
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I know, because where they'
re going to put me. I'
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m not gonna have to cover,
but it' s more than I'
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m gonna call them freaking out Look. Let' s do one thing.
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I give you the new billing address
of the holder and you send him the
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bills and agree, take note of
streets of the souls at rest municipal cemetery
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of the almudera that by fo.
Thank you, but, well, 15
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days ago my wife died. It' s all right and four days ago
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my sentimental life laughed, a wonderful
date with a multimillion- dollar girl from
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Barcelona, a girl who had so
much money that as a child when she
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wrote the letter to the Magi I
would put Dear Kings Magi, if there
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' s anything you need for this
Christmas, you just have to ask me.
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I was afraid of pasta. I
invite myself to dinner at the best
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restaurant in Barcelona, which is called
Messo Ston ship paidtituusiel translated Spanish, take
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out the visa that we founded it
and you arrive to this restaurants and you
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have noticed that always receives you the
same character, that is a metre faggot.
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You get there and you get the
guy. Good evening, Mr Felveny
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Anstaran, and I look at you
as French. No, sir, I
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' m from Murcia, God,
because stop fucking with me, not that
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I have to be French. The
whole Glamour thing. Well we sat at
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the table Nuria which is what it' s called the millionaire. She'
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s telling me poor shit she'
s got a job to do. I
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' m not saying, there'
s no big deal. You' d
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like to make yourself French for the
day. I see I' d love
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00:15:24.799 --> 00:15:33.320
to, but with the ribs I
don' t get pussy and sit down
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and ask first I went. People
think he was a word that sees French.
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00:15:39.480 --> 00:15:41.519
It wasn' t right. Since
when you look at the letter and
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00:15:41.639 --> 00:15:46.720
see the price, you say fua. Hence the name of second Lubina comes
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00:15:46.279 --> 00:15:50.879
to the reduction of port. You, the bass and the port don'
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00:15:52.000 --> 00:15:56.919
t see them anywhere, but the
reduction sure in these restaurants those little ones
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00:15:56.039 --> 00:16:00.279
like that, what a nuria that
you do a lot of girls on me
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00:16:00.279 --> 00:16:06.360
tells me you. I can take
a little bit of what I say Eat
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00:16:06.360 --> 00:16:07.519
your stuff I' d love to, but with the ribs I don'
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00:16:07.519 --> 00:16:17.240
t get wet. I say I
was the caste and bequeath the moment to
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00:16:17.320 --> 00:16:21.080
choose the wine. For those who
have no divine fucking idea like me,
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00:16:21.240 --> 00:16:26.080
in the Letter to the Right there
is a little number followed by the euro
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00:16:26.080 --> 00:16:29.919
symbol. That' s a clue. You have to take neither the most
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00:16:30.000 --> 00:16:33.639
expensive nor the most baratio. Specifically
I took one that was worth 180 euros,
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00:16:33.879 --> 00:16:37.960
the bottle and the metre always says
the same thing. Excellent lesson.
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00:16:37.159 --> 00:16:44.120
Sir it is an exquisite good of
one thousand nine hundred eighty and two that
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00:16:44.159 --> 00:16:48.480
I say one hundred eighty euros and
expired sons of bitches, that comes the
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00:16:48.559 --> 00:16:51.200
metres with the bottle, the uncle
gives me of cork and the faggot gives
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00:16:51.320 --> 00:16:53.000
me the cap, that I say
keep it for you that you need more
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00:16:56.080 --> 00:17:03.759
than my pussy and thanks, and
the uncle comes and serves me a ridiculous
225
00:17:03.880 --> 00:17:07.240
supid in the cup. To taste
it, how to taste the glass of
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00:17:07.319 --> 00:17:11.440
an expensive restaurant. You have to
play a game that consists of trying to
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00:17:11.519 --> 00:17:19.440
get the wine out of the glass, so there are no balls. It
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00:17:19.599 --> 00:17:26.279
doesn' t come out. Then
you have to read it, you'
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00:17:26.279 --> 00:17:32.079
ll freak out. It smells like
wine. It always smells like wine.
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00:17:32.160 --> 00:17:34.839
There' s the typical understanding.
This wine has cinnamon aromas. I say
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00:17:34.880 --> 00:17:37.920
cane bouquets will have your fucking mother
wine or wine. The guy insists not
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00:17:38.000 --> 00:17:41.920
that he has cinnamon scents. I
mean, dream, with you, what
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00:17:42.039 --> 00:17:45.880
you' ve given and fuck,
that' s true. You and it
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00:17:45.920 --> 00:17:48.640
' s time to pay the bill. Comes the subway with the count with
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00:17:48.720 --> 00:17:52.160
an ear- to- ear smile
like you' re going to shit.
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00:17:52.920 --> 00:17:55.559
Leave the count the table nuria picks
up and says let me invite you.
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00:17:55.640 --> 00:17:56.640
Me, me. No. No, please, and I' m off
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00:17:56.640 --> 00:17:59.960
no, no, no, no, I insist on payment, I look
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00:17:59.960 --> 00:18:00.200
at the bill. He' s
completely banned. I mean, okay,
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00:18:02.000 --> 00:18:04.400
you pay and Nuria pays with the
platinum visa. Platinum visa is not left
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00:18:04.480 --> 00:18:07.400
in the term platinum visa. You
have to throw it away with disgust.
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00:18:07.640 --> 00:18:14.680
Thus I make clear, I had
not seen navi that plate in my life.
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00:18:14.759 --> 00:18:17.599
I say Nuria, I say Nuria
this platinum visa thing that is and
244
00:18:17.680 --> 00:18:21.200
Nuria explains it to me. The
platinum visa. The same word says it
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00:18:21.279 --> 00:18:23.319
' s for exclusive people like me, for me it' s platinum.
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00:18:23.839 --> 00:18:34.960
I say aha and one when.
Thank you, we have still paid well
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00:18:36.039 --> 00:18:38.279
for the metres with a box of
cigars that invites us to pure pussy me,
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00:18:38.640 --> 00:18:41.440
who is Catalan. If it'
s free, I' ll take
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00:18:41.480 --> 00:18:42.680
the fattest and it' s happened
to us at the weddings these cigars give
250
00:18:42.680 --> 00:18:47.480
you. So fat that you'
re smoking half an hour and when you
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00:18:47.480 --> 00:18:49.880
' re dizzy lost, you look
at the cigar and you see that it
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00:18:51.119 --> 00:18:53.279
' s added only two percent of
the cigar that aside from the Treaty,
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00:18:53.279 --> 00:18:55.240
so much to endure the cigar with
your mouth. You' re in pain
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00:18:55.319 --> 00:19:08.440
here that you' re really freaking
out girls come out of the restaurant and
255
00:19:08.480 --> 00:19:11.720
on the door of the restaurant have
hung a picture of these modern art.
256
00:19:11.440 --> 00:19:15.720
I stare at the painting and the
metres come from behind to instruct me like
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00:19:15.920 --> 00:19:21.720
our latest picture of tasteful bojoolet.
I don' t understand what the fuck
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00:19:21.799 --> 00:19:25.640
it is I explain to you,
sir, this painting has the particularity that
259
00:19:25.880 --> 00:19:33.799
if you look it upside down such
that you have, you will be able
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00:19:33.960 --> 00:19:36.960
to see perfectly drawn the silhouette to
city of Mahattan. What do you think
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00:19:37.000 --> 00:19:41.279
of the picture, sir I say
you hung it upside down um normal and
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00:19:41.400 --> 00:19:44.880
now I' m leaving the restaurant
and we' re going with Nuria to
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00:19:44.960 --> 00:19:48.880
have a drink to these bars that
are now fashionable in drinks, which are
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00:19:48.880 --> 00:19:52.160
design that is nua. Nuria asks
for an eighteen- year- old whiskey
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00:19:52.240 --> 00:19:55.039
that I say this aunt likes all
the old stuff. When he gets on
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00:19:55.119 --> 00:19:59.920
my toledo ninety- four, he' s going to freak out and I
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00:20:00.359 --> 00:20:07.400
ask for a ginton and the waiter
comes and he gives me ice gin grape
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00:20:08.160 --> 00:20:12.400
kiwi cucumber, strawberry, raspberryberry,
lemon slice, orange slice. I mean,
269
00:20:12.640 --> 00:20:15.000
I' m not paying you.
I asked you to snton and you
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00:20:15.039 --> 00:20:19.200
put Macedonia on me. What'
s wrong with people with the sintonics,
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00:20:19.279 --> 00:20:22.759
or fuck. We' re dumb
on the lighted waiter. He gives me
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00:20:22.880 --> 00:20:25.960
his reasons. He tells me it' s not so you don' t
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00:20:26.000 --> 00:20:27.160
notice the taste of gin. So, thank you very much, son of
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00:20:27.160 --> 00:20:30.799
a bitch. If I didn'
t want the taste of gin to show.
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00:20:30.880 --> 00:20:41.240
I would have asked you for a
fluke, one me all that total
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00:20:41.359 --> 00:20:41.960
eggs I come out of the sea
without a hard one. I' m
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00:20:41.960 --> 00:20:45.920
going to the ATM to get more
money. I put the card in the
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00:20:45.079 --> 00:20:49.440
slot and from the ground I hear
a voice that tells me you have a
279
00:20:49.440 --> 00:20:55.599
cigarette. You can see it was
the homeless residence of the cashier. I
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00:20:55.720 --> 00:20:57.079
give him the cigarette, the guy
takes it and throws it in my face.
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00:20:57.680 --> 00:21:03.480
This is bullshit. It' s
light, I mean light, it
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00:21:03.799 --> 00:21:07.480
' s nicotine- free, I
mean, and you complain that you don
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00:21:07.599 --> 00:21:11.000
' t have nicotine, you don' t have carpet, you don'
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00:21:11.000 --> 00:21:18.000
t have a miserable couch, and
we don' t know that. We
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00:21:18.119 --> 00:21:22.519
leave the bar and go straight to
the hotel with Nuria, super luxury five
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00:21:22.720 --> 00:21:26.000
star hotel. I like the hotels
of a lifetime, the hotels that you
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00:21:26.119 --> 00:21:30.599
ask for the key in reception and
give you a key with a chain and
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00:21:30.000 --> 00:21:33.799
at the end of the canita a
block of ice- cold concrete that if
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00:21:33.880 --> 00:21:37.720
you, pererror you come out with
that key of fun, it seems of
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00:21:37.880 --> 00:21:40.759
the Doctor House that you can not
walk, because here it is not.
291
00:21:41.160 --> 00:21:44.599
Here' s a chip card for
those of you who don' t know
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00:21:44.680 --> 00:21:47.720
what a chip is. A car
of these pipe up the mountain all or
293
00:21:47.920 --> 00:21:52.839
you hit him with the card,
with the chip at the door of the
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00:21:52.839 --> 00:21:56.920
room. And there' s no
fucking way to open that door. You
295
00:21:56.000 --> 00:22:00.759
never know what to do with the
card if you put it in, if
296
00:22:00.880 --> 00:22:00.799
you put it in and take it
out if I went through the null,
297
00:22:00.799 --> 00:22:03.640
if I brought it in. So
the total door half an hour to open
298
00:22:03.720 --> 00:22:07.279
the door and when you enter there
is no light, you lower the reception
299
00:22:07.440 --> 00:22:11.480
and tell him of reception in the
room there is no light and you say
300
00:22:11.599 --> 00:22:12.559
uncle it is not that I tell
you you put the card in a slot.
301
00:22:12.799 --> 00:22:15.720
I mean, if there' s
no light, I don' t
302
00:22:17.200 --> 00:22:19.480
see the fucking pussy slot at the
end with the cell phone, I see
303
00:22:19.480 --> 00:22:21.759
the hrandura, I put the fucking
card in. What a cool room.
304
00:22:21.880 --> 00:22:25.799
You a bed of two meters for
two meters, a fan on the ceiling,
305
00:22:25.839 --> 00:22:30.200
an operation and it comes time to
make love with nuria, luxury hotel,
306
00:22:30.400 --> 00:22:34.559
water bed. You' ve done
it once. In a water bed
307
00:22:34.599 --> 00:22:41.519
it is impossible enough already to compare
your movements with those of hers as to
308
00:22:41.599 --> 00:22:45.000
be on top of the waves that
you generate in the bed that if you
309
00:22:45.039 --> 00:22:48.839
depart, you send nude to the
ceiling and say nothing happens. So it
310
00:22:48.960 --> 00:22:51.960
happens, because when he catches the
fucking beater, he sends her to fuck
311
00:22:51.960 --> 00:22:53.680
off. Sure, yeah, there' s no way to end the sex
312
00:22:53.680 --> 00:23:03.839
act. I had to fake an
orgasm. Ah ah, ah, you
313
00:23:03.039 --> 00:23:07.920
' ll laugh it' s gonna
be cando ha eight times. I get
314
00:23:07.000 --> 00:23:10.880
to sleep, because guys, after
taking a break, we only know how
315
00:23:10.960 --> 00:23:15.160
to do three things or smoke or
snoring or pay to go home. There
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00:23:15.200 --> 00:23:18.920
' s no other one. The
next day I wake up, I put
317
00:23:19.000 --> 00:23:25.960
on the chandal I say I'
m going to run, as there is
318
00:23:26.079 --> 00:23:29.519
one I could and it turns out
that from these expensive hotel rooms you can
319
00:23:29.519 --> 00:23:33.599
not leave. Why. Because hanging
from the door there' s a little
320
00:23:33.759 --> 00:23:38.359
letter that says don' t bother
me saying what the fuck you' re
321
00:23:38.440 --> 00:23:41.119
doing out of the hall so I
can' t get out. I mean,
322
00:23:41.200 --> 00:23:44.200
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
323
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
324
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
325
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
326
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
327
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
328
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
329
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
330
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
331
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
332
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
333
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
334
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
335
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:45.599
wait, wait, wait. I' ll turn it around. Worse,
336
00:23:45.039 --> 00:23:48.839
I had to go to the vacuum
cleaner, scrub the bathroom, clean the
337
00:23:48.839 --> 00:23:52.279
dust. Ah you the room and
apart you have noticed that there is behind
338
00:23:52.319 --> 00:23:56.319
the door there is a plan with
the floor of the hotel, which puts
339
00:23:56.440 --> 00:24:03.240
a super curious instruction in case of
fire. You' re here, I
340
00:24:03.279 --> 00:24:07.000
say and now I' m burning, where the fuck am I fucking,
341
00:24:07.599 --> 00:24:10.400
but good enough to say goodbye,
I' m gonna leave you with Nuria.
342
00:24:10.839 --> 00:24:14.400
It was a girl who taught me
something very valuable, who taught me
343
00:24:14.480 --> 00:24:17.960
how to make love with a woman
and taught me how to do it in
344
00:24:17.960 --> 00:24:21.599
a very didactic way. One day
I came home, I found her naked
345
00:24:21.680 --> 00:24:23.519
in bed, with her legs open
and in the cave of love I had
346
00:24:23.559 --> 00:24:27.400
put a picture of the King of
Morocco that I say and this and tells
347
00:24:27.480 --> 00:24:41.039
me to wet me, first I
turn her around. And on the buttonhole
348
00:24:41.759 --> 00:24:44.480
was a leaf of rose that I
say and this and tells me petal,
349
00:24:44.920 --> 00:24:53.160
for nothing, that' s all. Thank you so much, oh,
350
00:24:53.400 --> 00:24:55.440
pleasure to be here. Thank you
so much.
1
00:00:00.840 --> 00:00:25.839
M Comity Central Podcast. Hahahaha Good
night? Good night? Jaaa, good
2
00:00:25.879 --> 00:00:30.120
night? Some of you may think
that I say this to say something Good
3
00:00:30.160 --> 00:00:32.960
night. It' s super well
thought out. To start this show and
4
00:00:33.039 --> 00:00:35.799
one day I get up a stage
without thinking too much and I said hello,
5
00:00:36.119 --> 00:00:38.640
hello, hello, four Japanese sitting
in the front row. He got
6
00:00:38.719 --> 00:00:51.039
up and they freaked out. Jar
if all the jokes you have to comment
7
00:00:51.079 --> 00:00:55.320
on between you until the pills I
liked here this morning. Anyway, I
8
00:00:55.320 --> 00:00:58.000
' m here today in the Slavic
very happy. I' ve been treated
9
00:00:58.039 --> 00:01:00.000
like a fucking waitress. He tells
me you' re the bad guy,
10
00:01:00.280 --> 00:01:02.600
I say yes and he tells me
to watch you get warmed up. I
11
00:01:02.640 --> 00:01:04.680
make you a cubata and put you
a straw that I say if it is
12
00:01:04.680 --> 00:01:10.200
to heat, I could do it
backwards ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
13
00:01:14.079 --> 00:01:17.000
Anyway, I introduce myself, I
always present myself with the phrase that
14
00:01:17.000 --> 00:01:22.560
my password wife has in her hotmail. I love you very much Alberto that
15
00:01:22.560 --> 00:01:27.920
modito truth, my name is Ramón
Tartas and I come from a small town
16
00:01:27.959 --> 00:01:30.840
and Girona I don' t know
if you know it called the beach of
17
00:01:30.959 --> 00:01:36.079
hoop, what in English would be
biach or coal hop and those that we
18
00:01:36.079 --> 00:01:37.480
are from town And I, when
I leave, I lose the pussy.
19
00:01:37.519 --> 00:01:42.640
I heard about my house this morning. I put the GPS Madrid Calle Arenal
20
00:01:42.719 --> 00:01:46.959
that when I just wrote a GPS
was already in Zaragoza pussy and I give
21
00:01:47.000 --> 00:01:49.159
it to the ok and give it
what there is. The GP is done
22
00:01:49.200 --> 00:01:55.719
to me so I say shit.
I' ve had to resort to everything
23
00:01:55.760 --> 00:01:57.920
typical to ask the abritas on the
street and a ball, passing the dog
24
00:01:57.959 --> 00:02:01.640
under the glass, I say I' m like I' m going to
25
00:02:01.719 --> 00:02:06.200
fuck with the ball of the balls. I' m sorry, ma'
26
00:02:06.280 --> 00:02:09.919
am I' m fine to go
where I' m going, and the
27
00:02:09.919 --> 00:02:13.319
lady' s whole show answers me
straight. What do I say if I
28
00:02:13.360 --> 00:02:15.120
didn' t say it, where
I' m going. The only place
29
00:02:15.120 --> 00:02:20.479
you can go is shit and it' s over there. And he said
30
00:02:20.599 --> 00:02:24.319
second problem and came here today to
isolate all love. Two chicks at the
31
00:02:24.319 --> 00:02:28.360
door who were really hot. I
step in the middle and when one of
32
00:02:28.360 --> 00:02:30.159
us passes by he says to his
friend Mira, Mira, Auntie, how
33
00:02:30.159 --> 00:02:34.439
strong. This guy looks a lot
like the one who fucks me last month
34
00:02:35.199 --> 00:02:38.879
that, by the way, aunt
a mess in bed we' re going
35
00:02:38.879 --> 00:02:40.199
to see. I want to make
it clear that I don' t look
36
00:02:40.319 --> 00:02:44.840
like that guy at all. It
is I who finish the foot. Tells
37
00:02:44.919 --> 00:02:49.159
me you' re the typical cheap- eyed pencil guy who runs right away.
38
00:02:50.479 --> 00:02:52.879
I say yes, I mean,
you know that you' re the
39
00:02:52.919 --> 00:02:54.759
typical aunt and you' re clear
by moderate and functional. I say no,
40
00:02:55.039 --> 00:03:04.000
because you' re so easy to
ride, but I' ll flip
41
00:03:04.000 --> 00:03:07.000
for a moment. I don'
t know if you know it Today it
42
00:03:07.039 --> 00:03:10.759
' s exactly two hundred days since
the singer died This is the my wing
43
00:03:10.800 --> 00:03:15.719
house, which I say is weird
that she died with what the kid took
44
00:03:15.719 --> 00:03:16.319
care of, not that they did
the autopsy. The coroner saw his arms
45
00:03:16.400 --> 00:03:20.879
and said pussy we liked them.
You already have the road open, at
46
00:03:20.960 --> 00:03:23.759
least not that now they were going
to incinerate and jump to the coroner and
47
00:03:23.759 --> 00:03:32.159
say don' t be animals that
a bootahumeiru pussy will appear, but it
48
00:03:32.159 --> 00:03:34.680
goes totally and I' m going
to make a monologue. When the monologue
49
00:03:34.759 --> 00:03:37.000
is over. If, for whatever
reason, one of you doesn' t
50
00:03:37.120 --> 00:03:42.240
like it, you have my permission, you can spit at me, you
51
00:03:42.319 --> 00:03:44.280
can insult me, you can throw
things at me I sweat. I'
52
00:03:44.360 --> 00:03:46.759
m completely used to it. I
have been eight and a half years of
53
00:03:46.800 --> 00:03:52.960
regional football referee that one of you
thought why Catalan pussy for pasta. Don
54
00:03:53.159 --> 00:03:54.759
' t think about a game You
get paid more than 100 euros in total.
55
00:03:54.759 --> 00:03:59.319
You have to run ninety- five
minutes ninety behind the ball, five
56
00:03:59.319 --> 00:04:01.719
at the end of Adeno. The
people who are after you first arbitrating party
57
00:04:01.759 --> 00:04:04.639
in Madrid. I' m never
gonna forget it. I touched a small
58
00:04:04.840 --> 00:04:13.319
residential neighborhood of the periphili of Madrid, blessed bread, ja ja ja no,
59
00:04:13.479 --> 00:04:15.800
that the one that I was there
was me eh five minutes before passing
60
00:04:15.839 --> 00:04:18.680
the game knocks at the door of
my wardrobe. The patriarch of the blessed
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00:04:18.920 --> 00:04:25.279
bread gypsies comes into my locker room
and tells me I' m subtitled.
62
00:04:25.399 --> 00:04:36.800
Good afternoon. Collegial sir, hahahahahahahahahahahaha. I read in the newspaper that you
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00:04:36.879 --> 00:04:42.279
come from Chirona, that you strained
you that half of us have been to
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00:04:42.319 --> 00:04:46.879
Chirona as well. People here talk
mushumically and we do, but don'
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00:04:46.959 --> 00:04:48.639
t worry that I' m here
to protect you and keep an eye on
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00:04:48.639 --> 00:04:51.680
you. And you' re not
going to happen to Nina and I swear
67
00:04:51.759 --> 00:04:57.120
to you by the Cross of the
Christ of great power that I' ve
68
00:04:57.199 --> 00:04:59.959
been hanging here in authentic gold of
twenty- four kilobatio, that nobody'
69
00:04:59.959 --> 00:05:01.000
s going to straw to you.
Guy' s going to think hell bon
70
00:05:01.079 --> 00:05:05.000
roll. Five seconds later he comes
back in and tells me, but let
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00:05:05.160 --> 00:05:10.480
' s not lose that I say
shit, I go out on the field,
72
00:05:10.800 --> 00:05:12.600
field draw, throw the coin in
the air he' s never seen
73
00:05:12.600 --> 00:05:17.480
it again. We had to do
the stone draw, paper scissors that jumps
74
00:05:17.560 --> 00:05:20.240
to the Captain of Blessed Bread and
tells me stone and paper. We don
75
00:05:20.439 --> 00:05:30.120
' t smoke it here, I
say curious poles. For the curious.
76
00:05:30.399 --> 00:05:32.279
The match ended two to zero in
favor of the team of Pan Bliss,
77
00:05:32.800 --> 00:05:36.399
two goals of penalty. The usual
bad guy always thought he was telling me
78
00:05:36.480 --> 00:05:42.800
for sure that those penalties were doubtful
by my balls, that they weren'
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00:05:42.800 --> 00:05:45.560
t invented directly. No, but
not apart from that game, my mother
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00:05:45.600 --> 00:05:47.120
accompanied me back home. My mother
in the car tells me look, my
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00:05:47.240 --> 00:05:50.439
son, I love you very much, but it' s the last time
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00:05:50.439 --> 00:05:53.319
she' s with you at a
game of these. I say why,
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00:05:53.720 --> 00:05:56.720
' cause people talk more about me
than you that smells ask for reason,
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00:05:56.959 --> 00:05:58.279
no, and that I' m
hairy as a referee. And I have
85
00:05:58.319 --> 00:06:00.639
problems in my personal life. I, for example, have on my Facebook
86
00:06:00.759 --> 00:06:05.800
one hundred and eighty- five friends
and eight thousand seven hundred and eighty-
87
00:06:06.040 --> 00:06:09.319
nine enemies who write to me on
my wall. You son of a bitch.
88
00:06:09.680 --> 00:06:11.839
We' re gonna kill you.
I put it, I don'
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00:06:11.839 --> 00:06:15.040
t like it. Another one gets
me one day I don' t shit
90
00:06:15.040 --> 00:06:17.560
on your father, it' s
just like me and one even wrote me
91
00:06:17.560 --> 00:06:23.160
one day. He fucks your mother
yesterday. I' ll take her.
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00:06:23.199 --> 00:06:26.519
I know this guy. I'
m going to answer him for once you
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00:06:26.560 --> 00:06:34.800
fuck, don' t presume so
much dad pulled that me. I don
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00:06:34.839 --> 00:06:38.399
' t want to talk about Facebook
here, which many comics have already talked
95
00:06:38.439 --> 00:06:40.680
about Facebook, but I do have
Facebook and it' s a thing that
96
00:06:40.720 --> 00:06:44.600
surprises me that Facebook that shows that
we' re ass fools, I have
97
00:06:44.680 --> 00:06:46.120
four thousand eight hundred seventy- three
friends and the guy comes out in the
98
00:06:46.120 --> 00:06:49.759
picture. So I say you have
a friend that I can take a fucking
99
00:06:49.879 --> 00:06:56.480
picture and aside Facebook, it lacks
things that puts status. I went to
100
00:06:56.560 --> 00:06:59.879
the woods this afternoon with my girlfriend
Mariona and our dog Dunia to look for
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00:07:00.959 --> 00:07:03.199
mushrooms in case we find tits that
we tell you tonight at Tita' s
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00:07:03.240 --> 00:07:06.120
ball house and then we' ll
watch a movie that you can put on.
103
00:07:06.199 --> 00:07:09.959
I like it, I don'
t like it, I mean foul.
104
00:07:10.040 --> 00:07:13.319
The most important one is I sweat
it, because that doesn' t
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00:07:13.399 --> 00:07:20.600
matter to anyone. Cost I take
care that I, because of Facebook,
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00:07:20.920 --> 00:07:24.600
have been three months that I don' t talk to my mother. My
107
00:07:24.680 --> 00:07:28.879
mother has signed up for computer courses
for the insert I say, Mom,
108
00:07:29.079 --> 00:07:31.439
why do you sign up for computer
courses at your age, not to be
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00:07:31.439 --> 00:07:36.199
able to communicate with my friends.
I mean, sign up for daughter courses.
110
00:07:36.240 --> 00:07:46.800
Better, sir, see, my
mom' s got the other day
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00:07:46.879 --> 00:07:48.920
telling me I' m going to
see my friends I won' t be
112
00:07:48.920 --> 00:07:51.720
back late. I say don'
t fuck with you, I' ll
113
00:07:51.759 --> 00:07:55.680
give you eight o' clock for
my mother to go for a walk in
114
00:07:55.720 --> 00:07:57.319
the cemetery with a friend who was
cut off from her foot a month ago.
115
00:07:57.959 --> 00:08:01.079
He' s got him buried and
they' ll see that I say
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00:08:01.079 --> 00:08:05.279
this yes, that he' s
a foot in the pussy grave and this
117
00:08:05.399 --> 00:08:07.000
lady Catalana, when she got the
bill to bury her foot, the very
118
00:08:07.000 --> 00:08:11.120
smart aunt. He returned it with
a note that he wrote and I'
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00:08:11.240 --> 00:08:13.920
ll pay for everything together with Miraguel. But since I' m talking about
120
00:08:13.920 --> 00:08:18.439
cemeteries, I' ve come here
a few days is a little rough for
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00:08:18.439 --> 00:08:22.439
me. Fifteen days ago my wife
died. I' ve had three women
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00:08:22.480 --> 00:08:24.439
in my life. All three of
them have left me. The first time
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00:08:24.480 --> 00:08:28.720
I always said you don' t
have a personality, you don' t
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00:08:28.759 --> 00:08:30.720
know how to command, because he
sent me to fuck. The second one
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00:08:30.800 --> 00:08:33.480
left me because he said I was
unfaithful to him. It wasn' t
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00:08:33.480 --> 00:08:35.360
my fault, it was the drinking. I would go out with her on
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00:08:35.639 --> 00:08:39.559
a party, get drunk and double
track and always fuck the one she wasn
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00:08:39.559 --> 00:08:43.279
' t. And the third one
I said died 15 days ago. The
129
00:08:43.320 --> 00:08:50.320
poor woman died in someone else'
s bed and it was just this other
130
00:08:50.360 --> 00:08:52.480
one who called me on the phone
to give me the news and I asked
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00:08:52.480 --> 00:08:56.120
her what was typical. You know
if he died suffering, he told me
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00:08:56.200 --> 00:08:58.879
he didn' t see that he
was dead. While they were doing it.
133
00:08:58.919 --> 00:09:01.799
I say make sure she' s
monser, because when she did it
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00:09:01.799 --> 00:09:07.360
with me she looked dead, but
no and the guy I' m just
135
00:09:07.360 --> 00:09:09.679
calling me on the phone to go
to her house to get the cold and
136
00:09:09.759 --> 00:09:11.559
I get there and I call a
very expensive hearse. I say fuck off.
137
00:09:11.440 --> 00:09:15.080
I' ll take her in my
car. I have a wide car.
138
00:09:15.159 --> 00:09:18.879
I got a Nissan Micra, we
put her in the car between the
139
00:09:18.879 --> 00:09:20.600
two of us. When we put
him in, I see that my wife
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00:09:20.679 --> 00:09:24.639
' s lover puts the belt that
I say very well yes, sir,
141
00:09:24.840 --> 00:09:30.399
so that he doesn' t kill
himself and he starts driving and the Civil
142
00:09:30.440 --> 00:09:33.679
Guard' s five kilometers of alcohol
control, right in front of the slut
143
00:09:33.759 --> 00:09:37.960
club the Horna whale, which I
say I look at how well thought out
144
00:09:39.039 --> 00:09:50.159
the kids waiting for their moms to
get out of work and get to the
145
00:09:50.159 --> 00:09:52.399
Colemia count under the glass. The
Civil Guard stares at my wife, who
146
00:09:52.440 --> 00:09:56.720
was white as paper and tells me
that lady is his wife. I mean,
147
00:09:58.399 --> 00:10:01.159
it was and I don' t
want to know that I' d
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00:10:01.159 --> 00:10:01.759
have to drink grapes. I mean, it already takes twelve every end of
149
00:10:01.759 --> 00:10:03.759
the year. Don' t touch
me It' s the egg. I
150
00:10:03.080 --> 00:10:07.559
don' t do the negative clemia
control that by the way, you remember
151
00:10:07.600 --> 00:10:09.679
the 17- or 8- year- old Alcolemia controls, that the blood
152
00:10:09.759 --> 00:10:16.919
alcohol limit was zero eighty, zero
eighty shit you went out of a completely
153
00:10:16.000 --> 00:10:20.679
drunk party, you blew yourself out
and you gave zero seventy- eight and
154
00:10:20.679 --> 00:10:22.840
the Civil Guard told you. You
saw nothing but the limit. I'
155
00:10:22.960 --> 00:10:26.679
m saying I can' t fucking
either. I do negative control to celebrate
156
00:10:26.759 --> 00:10:31.679
it. I' m going to
take four copichuelas to the club and when
157
00:10:31.720 --> 00:10:33.559
I leave they stole my car with
the cold inside. I call the Civil
158
00:10:33.600 --> 00:10:39.399
Guard. Typical police question. You
had some value inside the car. I
159
00:10:39.480 --> 00:10:43.679
mean courage. The GP is the
cell phone, the sunglasses are nothing more.
160
00:10:43.879 --> 00:10:46.279
I mean courage. I don'
t say later, he' s
161
00:10:46.440 --> 00:10:50.240
also been to my wife who jumps
the Civil Guard and says this guy is
162
00:10:50.320 --> 00:10:50.720
my hero, he goes off to
hookers and leaves the woman in the car.
163
00:10:50.799 --> 00:11:01.480
Yes, sir, but when your
wife dies, there are two essential
164
00:11:01.600 --> 00:11:05.039
phone calls that you always have to
make. First your mother- in-
165
00:11:05.279 --> 00:11:07.879
law to give the news. I
thought I' d tell you in a
166
00:11:07.879 --> 00:11:11.840
subtle way. We' re not
going to impact you, Mrs Antonia,
167
00:11:11.159 --> 00:11:16.720
on the number of daughters that you
had subtracted from one and the second way
168
00:11:16.799 --> 00:11:20.200
you have to do is not important
to me, but it' s a
169
00:11:20.399 --> 00:11:24.519
lot harder than you have to make
the mobile phone company to unsubscribe to the
170
00:11:24.639 --> 00:11:28.159
mobile phone of the dead woman.
There' s no balls. I'
171
00:11:28.240 --> 00:11:31.399
m not going to explain. I' m gonna do it because it was
172
00:11:31.039 --> 00:11:33.759
so that' s what I called
the Seister and nine. This is what
173
00:11:33.759 --> 00:12:30.679
happened one Catalan catalan decommissioning a mobile
phone. Death, no, not that
174
00:12:30.799 --> 00:12:33.519
the headline died and no longer needs
it. They' re going to put
175
00:12:33.600 --> 00:12:39.879
me through to an operator who speaks
Catalan. You' re good afternoon.
176
00:12:50.039 --> 00:12:54.759
You already have Don Gabriel Jesús José
of the Department of Attention to Gilipolla and
177
00:12:54.879 --> 00:12:58.679
this one I know here that you
are Don Ramón Tarta Masager, tell me
178
00:12:58.759 --> 00:13:07.919
please, where Ramon a name so
I can address you. Chuck Norris,
179
00:13:16.080 --> 00:13:22.480
this Mr Chuck, tells me the
operator that you want the phone down.
180
00:13:22.039 --> 00:13:33.799
Mobile deceased. I' ve passed
away. Yeah, it' s me
181
00:13:33.879 --> 00:13:37.080
this one why he wants to give
you guys down the phone. I say
182
00:13:37.120 --> 00:13:39.120
I know, because where they'
re going to put me. I'
183
00:13:39.120 --> 00:13:43.679
m not gonna have to cover,
but it' s more than I'
184
00:13:43.679 --> 00:13:46.000
m gonna call them freaking out Look. Let' s do one thing.
185
00:13:46.639 --> 00:13:50.759
I give you the new billing address
of the holder and you send him the
186
00:13:50.840 --> 00:13:56.720
bills and agree, take note of
streets of the souls at rest municipal cemetery
187
00:13:56.759 --> 00:14:07.039
of the almudera that by fo.
Thank you, but, well, 15
188
00:14:07.159 --> 00:14:09.480
days ago my wife died. It' s all right and four days ago
189
00:14:09.559 --> 00:14:15.960
my sentimental life laughed, a wonderful
date with a multimillion- dollar girl from
190
00:14:16.080 --> 00:14:18.039
Barcelona, a girl who had so
much money that as a child when she
191
00:14:18.120 --> 00:14:24.120
wrote the letter to the Magi I
would put Dear Kings Magi, if there
192
00:14:24.360 --> 00:14:24.519
' s anything you need for this
Christmas, you just have to ask me.
193
00:14:24.840 --> 00:14:28.120
I was afraid of pasta. I
invite myself to dinner at the best
194
00:14:28.159 --> 00:14:35.639
restaurant in Barcelona, which is called
Messo Ston ship paidtituusiel translated Spanish, take
195
00:14:35.639 --> 00:14:39.000
out the visa that we founded it
and you arrive to this restaurants and you
196
00:14:39.039 --> 00:14:43.120
have noticed that always receives you the
same character, that is a metre faggot.
197
00:14:43.759 --> 00:14:54.600
You get there and you get the
guy. Good evening, Mr Felveny
198
00:14:54.720 --> 00:15:01.039
Anstaran, and I look at you
as French. No, sir, I
199
00:15:01.080 --> 00:15:05.759
' m from Murcia, God,
because stop fucking with me, not that
200
00:15:05.879 --> 00:15:09.000
I have to be French. The
whole Glamour thing. Well we sat at
201
00:15:09.000 --> 00:15:11.480
the table Nuria which is what it' s called the millionaire. She'
202
00:15:11.840 --> 00:15:15.639
s telling me poor shit she'
s got a job to do. I
203
00:15:15.759 --> 00:15:16.399
' m not saying, there'
s no big deal. You' d
204
00:15:16.480 --> 00:15:24.720
like to make yourself French for the
day. I see I' d love
205
00:15:24.799 --> 00:15:33.320
to, but with the ribs I
don' t get pussy and sit down
206
00:15:33.320 --> 00:15:37.879
and ask first I went. People
think he was a word that sees French.
207
00:15:39.480 --> 00:15:41.519
It wasn' t right. Since
when you look at the letter and
208
00:15:41.639 --> 00:15:46.720
see the price, you say fua. Hence the name of second Lubina comes
209
00:15:46.279 --> 00:15:50.879
to the reduction of port. You, the bass and the port don'
210
00:15:52.000 --> 00:15:56.919
t see them anywhere, but the
reduction sure in these restaurants those little ones
211
00:15:56.039 --> 00:16:00.279
like that, what a nuria that
you do a lot of girls on me
212
00:16:00.279 --> 00:16:06.360
tells me you. I can take
a little bit of what I say Eat
213
00:16:06.360 --> 00:16:07.519
your stuff I' d love to, but with the ribs I don'
214
00:16:07.519 --> 00:16:17.240
t get wet. I say I
was the caste and bequeath the moment to
215
00:16:17.320 --> 00:16:21.080
choose the wine. For those who
have no divine fucking idea like me,
216
00:16:21.240 --> 00:16:26.080
in the Letter to the Right there
is a little number followed by the euro
217
00:16:26.080 --> 00:16:29.919
symbol. That' s a clue. You have to take neither the most
218
00:16:30.000 --> 00:16:33.639
expensive nor the most baratio. Specifically
I took one that was worth 180 euros,
219
00:16:33.879 --> 00:16:37.960
the bottle and the metre always says
the same thing. Excellent lesson.
220
00:16:37.159 --> 00:16:44.120
Sir it is an exquisite good of
one thousand nine hundred eighty and two that
221
00:16:44.159 --> 00:16:48.480
I say one hundred eighty euros and
expired sons of bitches, that comes the
222
00:16:48.559 --> 00:16:51.200
metres with the bottle, the uncle
gives me of cork and the faggot gives
223
00:16:51.320 --> 00:16:53.000
me the cap, that I say
keep it for you that you need more
224
00:16:56.080 --> 00:17:03.759
than my pussy and thanks, and
the uncle comes and serves me a ridiculous
225
00:17:03.880 --> 00:17:07.240
supid in the cup. To taste
it, how to taste the glass of
226
00:17:07.319 --> 00:17:11.440
an expensive restaurant. You have to
play a game that consists of trying to
227
00:17:11.519 --> 00:17:19.440
get the wine out of the glass, so there are no balls. It
228
00:17:19.599 --> 00:17:26.279
doesn' t come out. Then
you have to read it, you'
229
00:17:26.279 --> 00:17:32.079
ll freak out. It smells like
wine. It always smells like wine.
230
00:17:32.160 --> 00:17:34.839
There' s the typical understanding.
This wine has cinnamon aromas. I say
231
00:17:34.880 --> 00:17:37.920
cane bouquets will have your fucking mother
wine or wine. The guy insists not
232
00:17:38.000 --> 00:17:41.920
that he has cinnamon scents. I
mean, dream, with you, what
233
00:17:42.039 --> 00:17:45.880
you' ve given and fuck,
that' s true. You and it
234
00:17:45.920 --> 00:17:48.640
' s time to pay the bill. Comes the subway with the count with
235
00:17:48.720 --> 00:17:52.160
an ear- to- ear smile
like you' re going to shit.
236
00:17:52.920 --> 00:17:55.559
Leave the count the table nuria picks
up and says let me invite you.
237
00:17:55.640 --> 00:17:56.640
Me, me. No. No, please, and I' m off
238
00:17:56.640 --> 00:17:59.960
no, no, no, no, I insist on payment, I look
239
00:17:59.960 --> 00:18:00.200
at the bill. He' s
completely banned. I mean, okay,
240
00:18:02.000 --> 00:18:04.400
you pay and Nuria pays with the
platinum visa. Platinum visa is not left
241
00:18:04.480 --> 00:18:07.400
in the term platinum visa. You
have to throw it away with disgust.
242
00:18:07.640 --> 00:18:14.680
Thus I make clear, I had
not seen navi that plate in my life.
243
00:18:14.759 --> 00:18:17.599
I say Nuria, I say Nuria
this platinum visa thing that is and
244
00:18:17.680 --> 00:18:21.200
Nuria explains it to me. The
platinum visa. The same word says it
245
00:18:21.279 --> 00:18:23.319
' s for exclusive people like me, for me it' s platinum.
246
00:18:23.839 --> 00:18:34.960
I say aha and one when.
Thank you, we have still paid well
247
00:18:36.039 --> 00:18:38.279
for the metres with a box of
cigars that invites us to pure pussy me,
248
00:18:38.640 --> 00:18:41.440
who is Catalan. If it'
s free, I' ll take
249
00:18:41.480 --> 00:18:42.680
the fattest and it' s happened
to us at the weddings these cigars give
250
00:18:42.680 --> 00:18:47.480
you. So fat that you'
re smoking half an hour and when you
251
00:18:47.480 --> 00:18:49.880
' re dizzy lost, you look
at the cigar and you see that it
252
00:18:51.119 --> 00:18:53.279
' s added only two percent of
the cigar that aside from the Treaty,
253
00:18:53.279 --> 00:18:55.240
so much to endure the cigar with
your mouth. You' re in pain
254
00:18:55.319 --> 00:19:08.440
here that you' re really freaking
out girls come out of the restaurant and
255
00:19:08.480 --> 00:19:11.720
on the door of the restaurant have
hung a picture of these modern art.
256
00:19:11.440 --> 00:19:15.720
I stare at the painting and the
metres come from behind to instruct me like
257
00:19:15.920 --> 00:19:21.720
our latest picture of tasteful bojoolet.
I don' t understand what the fuck
258
00:19:21.799 --> 00:19:25.640
it is I explain to you,
sir, this painting has the particularity that
259
00:19:25.880 --> 00:19:33.799
if you look it upside down such
that you have, you will be able
260
00:19:33.960 --> 00:19:36.960
to see perfectly drawn the silhouette to
city of Mahattan. What do you think
261
00:19:37.000 --> 00:19:41.279
of the picture, sir I say
you hung it upside down um normal and
262
00:19:41.400 --> 00:19:44.880
now I' m leaving the restaurant
and we' re going with Nuria to
263
00:19:44.960 --> 00:19:48.880
have a drink to these bars that
are now fashionable in drinks, which are
264
00:19:48.880 --> 00:19:52.160
design that is nua. Nuria asks
for an eighteen- year- old whiskey
265
00:19:52.240 --> 00:19:55.039
that I say this aunt likes all
the old stuff. When he gets on
266
00:19:55.119 --> 00:19:59.920
my toledo ninety- four, he' s going to freak out and I
267
00:20:00.359 --> 00:20:07.400
ask for a ginton and the waiter
comes and he gives me ice gin grape
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kiwi cucumber, strawberry, raspberryberry,
lemon slice, orange slice. I mean,
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I' m not paying you.
I asked you to snton and you
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put Macedonia on me. What'
s wrong with people with the sintonics,
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or fuck. We' re dumb
on the lighted waiter. He gives me
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his reasons. He tells me it' s not so you don' t
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notice the taste of gin. So, thank you very much, son of
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a bitch. If I didn'
t want the taste of gin to show.
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I would have asked you for a
fluke, one me all that total
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00:20:41.359 --> 00:20:41.960
eggs I come out of the sea
without a hard one. I' m
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00:20:41.960 --> 00:20:45.920
going to the ATM to get more
money. I put the card in the
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00:20:45.079 --> 00:20:49.440
slot and from the ground I hear
a voice that tells me you have a
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00:20:49.440 --> 00:20:55.599
cigarette. You can see it was
the homeless residence of the cashier. I
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00:20:55.720 --> 00:20:57.079
give him the cigarette, the guy
takes it and throws it in my face.
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This is bullshit. It' s
light, I mean light, it
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' s nicotine- free, I
mean, and you complain that you don
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' t have nicotine, you don' t have carpet, you don'
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t have a miserable couch, and
we don' t know that. We
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leave the bar and go straight to
the hotel with Nuria, super luxury five
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00:21:22.720 --> 00:21:26.000
star hotel. I like the hotels
of a lifetime, the hotels that you
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00:21:26.119 --> 00:21:30.599
ask for the key in reception and
give you a key with a chain and
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00:21:30.000 --> 00:21:33.799
at the end of the canita a
block of ice- cold concrete that if
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00:21:33.880 --> 00:21:37.720
you, pererror you come out with
that key of fun, it seems of
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00:21:37.880 --> 00:21:40.759
the Doctor House that you can not
walk, because here it is not.
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00:21:41.160 --> 00:21:44.599
Here' s a chip card for
those of you who don' t know
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00:21:44.680 --> 00:21:47.720
what a chip is. A car
of these pipe up the mountain all or
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00:21:47.920 --> 00:21:52.839
you hit him with the card,
with the chip at the door of the
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00:21:52.839 --> 00:21:56.920
room. And there' s no
fucking way to open that door. You
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00:21:56.000 --> 00:22:00.759
never know what to do with the
card if you put it in, if
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00:22:00.880 --> 00:22:00.799
you put it in and take it
out if I went through the null,
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00:22:00.799 --> 00:22:03.640
if I brought it in. So
the total door half an hour to open
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00:22:03.720 --> 00:22:07.279
the door and when you enter there
is no light, you lower the reception
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00:22:07.440 --> 00:22:11.480
and tell him of reception in the
room there is no light and you say
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00:22:11.599 --> 00:22:12.559
uncle it is not that I tell
you you put the card in a slot.
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00:22:12.799 --> 00:22:15.720
I mean, if there' s
no light, I don' t
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00:22:17.200 --> 00:22:19.480
see the fucking pussy slot at the
end with the cell phone, I see
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00:22:19.480 --> 00:22:21.759
the hrandura, I put the fucking
card in. What a cool room.
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00:22:21.880 --> 00:22:25.799
You a bed of two meters for
two meters, a fan on the ceiling,
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00:22:25.839 --> 00:22:30.200
an operation and it comes time to
make love with nuria, luxury hotel,
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00:22:30.400 --> 00:22:34.559
water bed. You' ve done
it once. In a water bed
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00:22:34.599 --> 00:22:41.519
it is impossible enough already to compare
your movements with those of hers as to
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00:22:41.599 --> 00:22:45.000
be on top of the waves that
you generate in the bed that if you
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00:22:45.039 --> 00:22:48.839
depart, you send nude to the
ceiling and say nothing happens. So it
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00:22:48.960 --> 00:22:51.960
happens, because when he catches the
fucking beater, he sends her to fuck
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00:22:51.960 --> 00:22:53.680
off. Sure, yeah, there' s no way to end the sex
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00:22:53.680 --> 00:23:03.839
act. I had to fake an
orgasm. Ah ah, ah, you
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00:23:03.039 --> 00:23:07.920
' ll laugh it' s gonna
be cando ha eight times. I get
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00:23:07.000 --> 00:23:10.880
to sleep, because guys, after
taking a break, we only know how
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00:23:10.960 --> 00:23:15.160
to do three things or smoke or
snoring or pay to go home. There
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00:23:15.200 --> 00:23:18.920
' s no other one. The
next day I wake up, I put
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00:23:19.000 --> 00:23:25.960
on the chandal I say I'
m going to run, as there is
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00:23:26.079 --> 00:23:29.519
one I could and it turns out
that from these expensive hotel rooms you can
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00:23:29.519 --> 00:23:33.599
not leave. Why. Because hanging
from the door there' s a little
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00:23:33.759 --> 00:23:38.359
letter that says don' t bother
me saying what the fuck you' re
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00:23:38.440 --> 00:23:41.119
doing out of the hall so I
can' t get out. I mean,
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00:23:41.200 --> 00:23:44.200
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
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00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
324
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
325
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
326
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
327
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
328
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
329
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
330
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
331
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
332
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
333
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
334
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
335
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:45.599
wait, wait, wait. I' ll turn it around. Worse,
336
00:23:45.039 --> 00:23:48.839
I had to go to the vacuum
cleaner, scrub the bathroom, clean the
337
00:23:48.839 --> 00:23:52.279
dust. Ah you the room and
apart you have noticed that there is behind
338
00:23:52.319 --> 00:23:56.319
the door there is a plan with
the floor of the hotel, which puts
339
00:23:56.440 --> 00:24:03.240
a super curious instruction in case of
fire. You' re here, I
340
00:24:03.279 --> 00:24:07.000
say and now I' m burning, where the fuck am I fucking,
341
00:24:07.599 --> 00:24:10.400
but good enough to say goodbye,
I' m gonna leave you with Nuria.
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00:24:10.839 --> 00:24:14.400
It was a girl who taught me
something very valuable, who taught me
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00:24:14.480 --> 00:24:17.960
how to make love with a woman
and taught me how to do it in
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00:24:17.960 --> 00:24:21.599
a very didactic way. One day
I came home, I found her naked
345
00:24:21.680 --> 00:24:23.519
in bed, with her legs open
and in the cave of love I had
346
00:24:23.559 --> 00:24:27.400
put a picture of the King of
Morocco that I say and this and tells
347
00:24:27.480 --> 00:24:41.039
me to wet me, first I
turn her around. And on the buttonhole
348
00:24:41.759 --> 00:24:44.480
was a leaf of rose that I
say and this and tells me petal,
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00:24:44.920 --> 00:24:53.160
for nothing, that' s all. Thank you so much, oh,
350
00:24:53.400 --> 00:24:55.440
pleasure to be here. Thank you
so much.
