Paula Pua - Standup show

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Comedy Central Podcast. Thank you very
much. Thank you, thank you,

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but I know you' re thinking
the same thing as my cat when he

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got home. There' s an
aunt in cones, that' s all

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right. I tell you, Paula
calls me and before the pandemic, the

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apocalypse, my life was already sad. I puked in a tsar once,

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and I was ashamed. Go see
a tsara. They see a total inequality

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until they find it. It'
s okay. I mean, it'

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s okay. But it was a
tsara and it was a first date.

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Eyes on the tip for a period. We were all reed day. I

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felt bad and caught what the tsar
is being. And of course it was

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a bitch because on the first dates
you go to what you go. I

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was throwing up. I mean,
he freaked out, he freaked out,

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he had to freak out, I' d think I' d fuck if

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on the first date he vomits,
on the second he shits my chest.

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It is not true that I understand
that flipaparouclea, because there are things that

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need to be trusted with someone else. It is also true that there I

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am ashamed of very silly things.
There, for example, I' m

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ashamed to go to a public bathroom
and let the others hear what' s

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going to fall. So of course
so don' t mean this isn'

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t serious. So what I do
is I' ve done a lot of

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paper to the cup before to dampen
the sound. You make her also that

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you' re out there taking half
a roll, don' t listen to

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me, don' t hear me
being human, don' t think I

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' ve come to the bathroom to
piss. I haven' t actually been

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there before and I' ve given
a lot of time and I' ve

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been knocking on the door and I' m so nervous that I didn'

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t know what to do at the
end of screaming at me. I'

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m getting cocaine in. It'
s cocaine. It' s cocaine,

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and they didn' t go in
there. Quick status. It' s

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but it' s true that this
system of mine, this trick of mine,

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has a problem and it' s
worth it when you' re done,

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it' s created like a mass
of pee paper, as well as

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the mache paper that doesn' t
swallow, it doesn' t swallow the

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chain. It' s worth it. They haven' t heard you do

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anything, but whoever comes in later
is going to say that you' ve

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fucked up a manuality of enough atac
already this and I what happens manic art

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has happened. Shit, shit,
by the way, shit at somebody'

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s house. It' s important
to me too, I mean, it

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' s embarrassing. I need confidence. For me, shitting at someone'

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s house is wedding and if I
have to look out for more paper it

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' s church wedding. I mean, this is it, this is law.

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Then they say that on the first
dates they say one thing, that

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' s that we don' t
have to talk about politics. Never.

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It' s not a lie.
Always remain poetic the first date to avoid

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that in the second ones it presents
with nautical ones. True, it'

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s true, of course, uncle, and that the nautical have lowered points

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on the faxometer, that is,
they are, but they' re about

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to see sorcery with the braided belt, that is. Anyway, nothing good

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happens, like we' re talking
about me and you don' t know

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me because nobody knows me. I' m gonna tell you my hobbies.

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My favorite hobby is you see research
team. You like research team. If

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it' s not cool, not
the cool narcos, it' s cool

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with an egg. It is true
that I do not understand why everything related

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to the world of drug trafficking has
to bear the word. Narco in front

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of you, not like, narco- story, narco- boat, what

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a narco- chicken thing to do
there, no, narpe tunnel, okay,

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man, you' re a drug
dealer, you' re not Batman,

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and when you' re narco-
chicking, I don' t know.

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It' s okay, because I
think everything Gloria Serra Mola does not

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tell me the narcos peda just like
the narcos waw tell me more about this

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issue. I believe that everything Gloria
narrates will improve it. That' s

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why I want Gloria to be able
to tell my sentimental life. Man,

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you know something like that. We
try to contact him on Instagram, but

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he doesn' t want to talk
to us. He' s online,

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but he' s not answering us. We repeatedly give him like shit.

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I want you to see this and
say so I' m going to do

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it. I' ve got to
make my mom some kind of research team.

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He likes it a lot, too. We see it together. It

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' s true that spoiled lately.
She' s getting a lot on Twitter,

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she' s missing a lot on
Twitter, and now she' s

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trying to be politically correct, she' s cool not to take into account

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others and so on, but if
you know how to do it, one

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thing happens to her, and she
doesn' t come out and she does

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one thing that I think is very
mother- like, that' s when

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she suffers what she thinks she can
be controversial and she releases it equally,

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but whispering it then, example,
example, make it practical. I'

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m going to see her and she' s telling me to talk like that.

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My mother is a Dehelio balloon.
My mother, I' ve seen

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the neighbors before. The first one
the blacks are black, yes, they

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' re black, but it'
s okay, you don' t have

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to srrar that they' re black. Then we watch the teleno and he

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tells me ay, I really like
this actor is Catalan. It' s

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Catalan, yes, it' s
Catalan. Not an x man no,

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he doesn' t hear you from
wherever he is. I mean with a

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black catalan. My mother who freaks
him out, doesn' t short-

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circuit at some point in his head. Another one tells me yesterday I met

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your uncle, the divorced one.
And the thing is, it' s

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not just my mother, it'
s my mother and my aunt, my

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grandmother. Man, you know what
my birthdays are like as a family.

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It' s not parties, either, it' s death row meetings.

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Man, talking parcel the divorced Catalans
divorced black Catalans. It' s my

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mother with a cape, the Harpotts
You know what you' re doing.

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I want to make it clear that
my mother is a very cool aunt,

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I mean, she' s very
Cooki. My mother knows these people that

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when you are Syrian talking and you
finish talking, she screams thanks and leaves

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her cell phone as with an offering, just as you are already in there

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that I don' t know how
to keep it quiet, that it doesn

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' t hurt, because my mother
is yes that kind of people like Cooki

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very much. When the machines are
revealed. Not anymore, but right now

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it' s how very Cooki,
i e my mother uncle in the machine

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rebellion opens him to terminator oh,
come on in, paula opened boy to

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see you a robot come meet my
daughter. She' s single. Not

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that it is the issue of rebellion
of the machines, that no longer sounds

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or crazy, not like they attacked
us machines another Tuesday uncle I don'

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t know, calm down I don' t know, nothing happens, but

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I don' t. I think
it' s going to be like the

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felis, the machine rebellion. I
think it' s gonna happen like the

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pandemic, because the pandemic, I
mean, it wasn' t like spalis.

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Pandemic movies are always like a hero
who helps everyone, who hunts with

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his own hands. Joh In March
she starts an old woman for a Roy

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scotex is. I don' t
think it' s gonna be. I

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think it' s gonna happen anyway. The machines are going to be revealed,

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but wrongly, it will be a
teenage rebellion. Or you will one

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day deliver in the kitchen and the
fridge hates you has a subject to ask

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to hate even houses. He put
a pishon on a bucket on me.

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This kind of historical events as you
have and because of having created many doubts,

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as idiots of this type. For
example, the Magi, that is,

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the Magi were more kings or more
magicians, which does not mean they

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came to the Manger with crown,
with scepter or like Jesus was up to

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your letter, By the way,
I found out last year. I didn

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' t know the plant that the
myrrh is an abortive plant. I did

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not know you alike Mary asked for
a delivery one. I don' t

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know good, no, no,
no, it' s okay, since

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you' ve brought up the drug
issue and it' s true that I

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realize I' m more. I
mean, I' m young, but

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I' m getting older because I
used to get high so I could be

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partying all night and now I'
m groping so I can be toned up,

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stealing. I mean, I started
meds last year I started taking a

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depressive mind that nothing happened. It' s okay, no, it'

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s okay. It' s like
super normal. But there' s a

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detail I didn' t know and
nobody told me, which is that antidepressants

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make it very difficult, not to
say impossible to run. Then okay I

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' m not a psychiatrist, psychiatrist, lose me otherwise. I don'

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t mean I have pressure and they
take my orgasms away. Let' s

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not go to the endocrine that deserves
chocolate palms, not one every three hours.

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What' s this, man,
what' s this about not being

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able to cum, it' s
something like you don' t see it,

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like super specific, super son of
a bitch, like to be a

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side effect, I mean, it
looks more like a curse. Man,

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I don' t think I'
m getting any medication. It gives me

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the potion of the bad little mermaid, because I think it' s the

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psychiatrist with a cauldron. He'
s got a cauldron in his office.

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It' s already with my orgasms. It was a snail. Oh,

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gross life. Well, it'
s okay, since we' re talking

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about taritas and maybe I have a
complex, a problem with my tits that

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I don' t like. I
want them more, I want them to

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be bigger, but it is that
it is a complex already level that I

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like the ones of femen why they
envy me that is when I see them

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I have an internal conflict, because
I think, on the one hand,

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I agree with you, on the
other hand, you envy me. On

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the one hand, eh aunty touch
with the cause or bitch lake, because

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it is very cool I want tits
like I hate them because it gives me

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the impression that the bigger your tits
are, the more important the cause that

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you can claim exactly in Plan Peace
of the Middle East and I do not

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read trees saved to the raccoons.
Well, well, I just think Zuben

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' s tits are really cool,
because they can claim several causes at once

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not in Plan Box. It'
s patriotism, it' s fascism outside

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rosaries of ours or several. How
cool, man that remains for me in

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fem in the exclamation, the truth
that closes does more because they no longer

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fit people would see me on the
street like I, to femen accept guys

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now what little, because nothing I
have thought, started to operate, many

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times I have thought for myself,
but pass, that is pass, because

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then imagine I will see my mother
and see me will be with someone and

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will say oh look. Here comes
my daughter the surgery. Thank you very

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much. It' s all been
wonderful.