April 2, 2024
Nene- Soltera y sin hijos
WEBVTT
1
00:00:02.120 --> 00:00:22.120
Comedy Central Podcast. Thank you,
thank you, good night. Before I
2
00:00:22.160 --> 00:00:25.839
begin that I would like to know
what the public today looks like the latest
3
00:00:25.839 --> 00:00:29.039
steps have been taken by the Government
to get out of the crisis, so
4
00:00:29.120 --> 00:00:33.799
that we can get out of it
that you found wrong. I think the
5
00:00:33.840 --> 00:00:35.799
last ones have sung to you.
They' ve all sung to us,
6
00:00:35.960 --> 00:00:40.079
because I haven' t seen any
complaints on the street, no demonstrations for
7
00:00:40.119 --> 00:00:43.520
this last measure that they thought they
called it as between the league and the
8
00:00:43.520 --> 00:00:46.439
champion game. There are many days
and with many days you have time to
9
00:00:46.439 --> 00:00:47.920
think. And if they think,
they' ll get pissed off. If
10
00:00:48.000 --> 00:00:50.880
they get angry, they show up. If they show up, they get
11
00:00:50.880 --> 00:00:53.280
violent. And they get violent,
they can bully us. If you fuck
12
00:00:53.280 --> 00:00:54.759
us, they' ll take us
off the couch. If you don'
13
00:00:54.799 --> 00:00:56.799
t get off the couch, we
stop living at the expense of those taxes.
14
00:00:56.840 --> 00:01:00.399
So you have to live from something
and invent something to distract it.
15
00:01:00.479 --> 00:01:03.799
He goes over there and said it
was too long and he said why better.
16
00:01:03.840 --> 00:01:10.599
We don' t put it the
southern one. You' ve seen
17
00:01:10.599 --> 00:01:11.040
that it' s subsidized. Don' t tell me you don' t.
18
00:01:12.120 --> 00:01:15.439
That' s when I started freaking
out about the crisis. I mean,
19
00:01:15.599 --> 00:01:18.040
we' re going down. We
spent no time paying fifteen bucks for
20
00:01:18.079 --> 00:01:23.680
a gintonic to drink beer in buckets. Now start really freaking out the day
21
00:01:23.719 --> 00:01:27.280
you get to seal the arrest card
and tell you his shots of Jagger maisterng.
22
00:01:30.040 --> 00:01:38.359
That' s where the thing goes
down. Okay, the government'
23
00:01:38.400 --> 00:01:40.879
s invention very well, since they
can' t offer you an indefinite contract.
24
00:01:41.280 --> 00:01:45.280
They offer you to be an alcoholic. Discontinuated those very cheap fat.
25
00:01:45.400 --> 00:01:48.640
Three euros a bucket very cheap.
Very much I' ve seen Chinese buy
26
00:01:48.680 --> 00:01:55.840
beer in the normal Southern drunks is
not that how you' re going to
27
00:01:56.439 --> 00:01:57.840
complain drunk, drunk, we don' t complain about anything. So with
28
00:01:57.920 --> 00:02:00.519
the first cube you heat up eh
so with the second cube. The only
29
00:02:00.560 --> 00:02:05.560
thing you care about not getting caught
eating fuet while you pay in the box
30
00:02:05.599 --> 00:02:07.599
pussy that with the third how you
cross with a short latin dressed as a
31
00:02:07.599 --> 00:02:14.159
sailor. You say I sneak into
a fucking communion you say I don'
32
00:02:14.159 --> 00:02:15.479
t know what you' re saying
is not that I cut it in education
33
00:02:15.479 --> 00:02:19.759
look. I just studied a long
time ago. Don' t make me
34
00:02:19.919 --> 00:02:23.599
choose between three euros a bucket of
beer and you finish the race. Especially
35
00:02:23.680 --> 00:02:28.319
because we all know that going ten
times to the South, you get validated
36
00:02:30.280 --> 00:02:32.680
journalism and if you owe yourself fifteen
cubes, you are already ready to present
37
00:02:32.680 --> 00:02:38.840
sports four. I mean, I' m cool, I' m cool
38
00:02:38.840 --> 00:02:40.240
because you' re in the South, all the troubles are over. It
39
00:02:40.280 --> 00:02:45.080
' s like moving you to Germany. You' ve figured it out in
40
00:02:45.199 --> 00:02:46.080
the back, you don' t
care. It' s all right.
41
00:02:46.560 --> 00:02:50.360
You don' t care about your
country' s problems, except for one
42
00:02:50.400 --> 00:02:53.639
thing that makes you remember that you' re still in Spain, and that
43
00:02:53.680 --> 00:03:06.919
' s because they' ve tied
the opener with a chain that' s
44
00:03:07.080 --> 00:03:08.400
like telling you they' re telling
you to face take five bottles of glass,
45
00:03:08.400 --> 00:03:10.879
take a table. If you pay
enough, you can wear a short
46
00:03:10.960 --> 00:03:16.759
latin dressed as a sailor, but
if you want an opener, get yourself
47
00:03:16.759 --> 00:03:22.319
a job. Dude. We'
ve been using the openers above our possibilities.
48
00:03:23.759 --> 00:03:27.080
That' s where I' d
like to see this invention take it
49
00:03:27.080 --> 00:03:29.479
further and we could. I don' t know how to include it in
50
00:03:29.479 --> 00:03:34.840
the metric system, in the measurement
system that we have now, to include
51
00:03:35.759 --> 00:03:38.360
the beer cube as a measure,
especially to measure the shit that is in
52
00:03:38.400 --> 00:03:42.120
your life, that I tell you
a partner aunt, yesterday I fucked the
53
00:03:42.159 --> 00:03:51.840
ugliest of work, but since it
was ugly seven cubes. You love it
54
00:03:51.879 --> 00:03:55.080
because in the Southerns the two weaknesses
of my life come together and they will
55
00:03:55.120 --> 00:04:00.599
be until I die the beer and
you women. Yes, I am the
56
00:04:00.599 --> 00:04:04.639
weakness of my life, because I
believe that you overcome man in many facets,
57
00:04:05.120 --> 00:04:08.439
in many not in all, in
many, and I will give a
58
00:04:08.439 --> 00:04:10.400
couple of examples. Besides, you
can check it out for yourself. Next
59
00:04:10.479 --> 00:04:13.759
time you' re walking through your
various, there are two aunts speaking,
60
00:04:14.120 --> 00:04:21.639
please, come closer. There is
pure philosophy there, there are lessons of
61
00:04:21.720 --> 00:04:25.720
life that, perhaps, they are
speaking something transcendental of life or death.
62
00:04:26.160 --> 00:04:30.399
They' re haitiam because I'
m not going to mess with a lot
63
00:04:30.439 --> 00:04:33.000
of guys in the neighborhood, because
if I' m not going to start
64
00:04:33.040 --> 00:04:39.120
getting a bad name, they'
re going to talk bad about me and
65
00:04:39.120 --> 00:04:40.879
it' s not a very good
plan. That' s what I like
66
00:04:40.959 --> 00:04:43.000
about you guys. Not in plotting
hours, if you mess with many or
67
00:04:43.040 --> 00:04:45.959
few not, if of those prejudiced
ones, but I like that you evaluate
68
00:04:46.160 --> 00:04:55.199
the consequences and decide accordingly, because
there is a guy in this case who
69
00:04:55.279 --> 00:04:59.920
thinks fuck if he was uncle is
going to be more slutty. Are we
70
00:04:59.920 --> 00:05:03.839
like this? Yeah, we'
re assholes like that? Another example?
71
00:05:03.959 --> 00:05:06.519
Another example. You have a couple, my friend Joya, we have a
72
00:05:06.519 --> 00:05:09.800
son. Ask him for my question
the next time you agree with them,
73
00:05:10.480 --> 00:05:13.399
ask them to see what they prefer
to be when Nazca says so I,
74
00:05:13.680 --> 00:05:17.959
you don' t care whether it' s a girl boy, you'
75
00:05:20.120 --> 00:05:24.959
re going to want it crazy we
prefer a boy why you go for games.
76
00:05:25.040 --> 00:05:26.759
Yeah, well, if you have
a kid or beans to throw at
77
00:05:27.480 --> 00:05:30.680
Hostia, you' re going to
play it with chota football and that'
78
00:05:30.680 --> 00:05:32.480
s good. Oh, ma'
am, that' s good. Hey,
79
00:05:32.519 --> 00:05:39.240
but if you have a little girl, the dumbest one in your whole
80
00:05:39.319 --> 00:05:50.600
gang will be every day of your
life. We are yes, you can
81
00:05:50.720 --> 00:05:54.600
laugh because your boyfriend, your father, your brother has also said this when
82
00:05:54.639 --> 00:05:57.480
you were not at all ahead.
Because actually, even if I don'
83
00:05:57.519 --> 00:06:01.000
t recognize him now, that'
s a happy father, because a happy
84
00:06:01.000 --> 00:06:03.560
father tells me guys. He'
s not one who wants a perfect daughter,
85
00:06:03.759 --> 00:06:09.000
who takes out two races and gets
an honest and perfect family all her
86
00:06:09.000 --> 00:06:10.600
life. No. No, no, no, no, a father to
87
00:06:10.639 --> 00:06:16.560
be happy. What she wants is
a daughter with no vagina, no holes
88
00:06:16.639 --> 00:06:20.519
to penetrate, that comes the day
of childbirth the standard and I tell her
89
00:06:20.560 --> 00:06:26.839
you had this beautiful daughter, but
she' s born without pussy mother fuck
90
00:06:26.959 --> 00:06:29.439
that turns eighteen the girl and I
tell you, dad I' m leaving
91
00:06:29.439 --> 00:06:34.319
now I come I don' t
care or I go on vacation with Mario.
92
00:06:34.439 --> 00:06:41.759
I' ll pay you. That' s a happy father, the
93
00:06:41.800 --> 00:06:51.480
problem is the day that comes to
you with earache. No, no,
94
00:06:51.639 --> 00:06:55.800
what happened to him. You don' t see it as shit on your
95
00:06:55.800 --> 00:07:00.680
head. I told you hearing pain. The girl could have gone to the
96
00:07:00.800 --> 00:07:08.759
pool, she could have caught cold
skiing, but you didn' t all
97
00:07:08.759 --> 00:07:12.519
go to shit, which I thought
when I wrote this. So don'
98
00:07:12.519 --> 00:07:15.240
t stop looking at me weird.
I' m super riéras that if for
99
00:07:15.319 --> 00:07:20.199
them, we dress has no more
a look done, containing it in all
100
00:07:20.279 --> 00:07:24.959
the lights and let' s get
out of here a look that I have
101
00:07:25.000 --> 00:07:27.160
seen And every thing why you worry
uncle I explain it already, because the
102
00:07:27.240 --> 00:07:30.439
aunts know, all the tricks fell
with clothes, everyone knows. I have
103
00:07:30.439 --> 00:07:32.519
learned some I have two sisters aim, guys, to see how it is
104
00:07:32.839 --> 00:07:38.360
girls, that the vertical stripe is
not of the gazan and the horizontal ones
105
00:07:38.759 --> 00:07:42.519
make you fat yes, what white
color you fatten, no, and black
106
00:07:42.519 --> 00:07:44.639
you thin. Which is what I
think is the other way around. No.
107
00:07:44.639 --> 00:07:45.839
It' s not like that,
no. No. It' s
108
00:07:45.839 --> 00:07:46.720
clearly the other way around. It' s the other way around. It
109
00:07:46.720 --> 00:07:49.279
' s the other way around because
you put a white man and a black
110
00:07:49.279 --> 00:07:51.519
man in balls. It' s
clear that the white of the gazah and
111
00:07:51.680 --> 00:07:55.639
the black in Gorda. No.
No, no, no, no,
112
00:07:55.959 --> 00:07:58.279
no, don' t laugh that
if this were true stripes and colors,
113
00:07:58.839 --> 00:08:05.439
uh there would already be some guypavi
side making up with white gifts, with
114
00:08:05.439 --> 00:08:09.759
horizontal stripes, since there' s
no one working on that shit. I
115
00:08:09.839 --> 00:08:13.040
' m cool. You have products
that are more cool than ours. Guys.
116
00:08:13.360 --> 00:08:15.839
We' ve got some cool guys, but they' re not as
117
00:08:15.839 --> 00:08:16.279
cool as yours. There' s
one that really catches my attention. Well,
118
00:08:16.439 --> 00:08:18.240
I' ll be longer. I' m going to ask directly.
119
00:08:18.480 --> 00:08:22.199
Some woman here, some woman present, has anti- rapist spri in her
120
00:08:22.279 --> 00:08:26.759
purse. No, it' s
not to keep your face and then I
121
00:08:26.920 --> 00:08:31.040
don' t know how to cross
it out. No. No, no,
122
00:08:30.240 --> 00:08:33.799
no, none. It' s
something we comedians do. We hear
123
00:08:33.799 --> 00:08:35.600
about a subject, we turn it
around and give it our point of view.
124
00:08:35.679 --> 00:08:39.080
No, and don' t think
that if a woman has anti-
125
00:08:39.240 --> 00:08:43.840
rapist priya in her purse, that
says a lot about her. You'
126
00:08:43.919 --> 00:08:46.000
ll clearly say she' s cautious. I say it' s pretentious.
127
00:08:52.639 --> 00:08:54.679
I mean, I mean. How
good you have to believe that you are,
128
00:08:56.120 --> 00:09:01.639
how believed you have to be to
be on a Saturday changing you in
129
00:09:01.639 --> 00:09:03.919
the mirror before you go out and
saying uy, oy look, oy que
130
00:09:05.000 --> 00:09:07.600
pechitos. I still have a good
look at the fa uy the east coming
131
00:09:07.600 --> 00:09:11.879
and the legs of the spinning how
my shoes are stuck today is that smoke
132
00:09:11.919 --> 00:09:18.879
this ay I need an anti rapist
spl because because yes, no, no,
133
00:09:18.120 --> 00:09:22.840
no, no, no, I
don' t want with descent told
134
00:09:22.960 --> 00:09:26.879
me because if you' re ugly, you don' t have anti rapist
135
00:09:26.879 --> 00:09:33.159
sprey in your purse, because we
all agree that the seers are criminals and
136
00:09:33.240 --> 00:09:35.919
psychopaths, but they' re guys
and a guy is not going to throw
137
00:09:35.960 --> 00:09:39.120
twenty years in jail getting beat up
and with his ass like that for having
138
00:09:39.120 --> 00:09:45.799
fucked each other and palm. Okay. There is also the truth that also
139
00:09:45.840 --> 00:09:54.399
exists of spriyantti blador for men is
called brummel is. As I don'
140
00:09:54.399 --> 00:09:56.080
t tell you, science is cool. No, it' s not cool
141
00:09:56.080 --> 00:10:01.000
with science. They found out a
Spry I threw at you. If they
142
00:10:01.080 --> 00:10:05.960
take away the desire of or,
the desire of everything, we could not
143
00:10:05.960 --> 00:10:09.200
ask them one more step and invent
a spry to throw it out and you
144
00:10:09.279 --> 00:10:11.919
will enter the desire of o.
You' re telling me not to.
145
00:10:13.000 --> 00:10:16.919
How they' d change leisure nights, uh, guys, aunts, how
146
00:10:16.919 --> 00:10:20.559
they' d change Anda, what
you' re gonna be here watching monologites.
147
00:10:20.720 --> 00:10:22.200
How is it that how cool you
look, for example, you what
148
00:10:22.200 --> 00:10:28.159
your name is, Beatriz, is
your boyfriend, no, uh, because
149
00:10:28.159 --> 00:10:31.559
you' re trying. Don'
t imagine, Beatriz, that this nice
150
00:10:31.600 --> 00:10:35.440
boy is your boyfriend. And I, after acting out drunk, lost as
151
00:10:35.480 --> 00:10:37.919
most comedians end up, after recording
in paramont commediy when I walk out the
152
00:10:37.960 --> 00:10:41.279
door, I approach you without any
respect as a woman or by your partner
153
00:10:41.279 --> 00:10:52.960
ahead, Beatriz, I approach and
I say amasa atrebtree. We' re
154
00:10:54.000 --> 00:10:58.159
going to Beatrice right now, right
now, we' re not going to
155
00:11:01.840 --> 00:11:09.120
you and I' m going down
there and I' m going to throw
156
00:11:09.159 --> 00:11:09.480
my parents out and I' m
going to be all night practicing brains on
157
00:11:09.480 --> 00:11:13.720
anyone. I' m going to
do Beatriz the question and in front of
158
00:11:13.759 --> 00:11:16.000
your boyfriend, it would be very
simple, you, you would tell me
159
00:11:16.039 --> 00:11:24.720
that or not. Don' t
wait for you in the car See how
160
00:11:24.720 --> 00:11:33.639
the nights would change See how they
would change. I' m cool,
161
00:11:35.559 --> 00:11:41.000
I' m cool, I'
m telling you, I' d like
162
00:11:41.039 --> 00:11:43.519
to be a woman, a woman, a single woman, no children,
163
00:11:43.519 --> 00:11:46.720
because I hate children. Okay,
let' s be clear now and what
164
00:11:46.759 --> 00:11:48.279
I hate most of you, you' re these guys who go around so
165
00:11:50.480 --> 00:11:54.080
quiet saying like I love nothing kids
two fucks I used to give you I
166
00:11:54.080 --> 00:11:58.600
love kids these people what if kids
are shit people. No. No,
167
00:12:00.159 --> 00:12:01.679
no, but sometimes I' m
saying I make us meet a kid.
168
00:12:03.000 --> 00:12:07.000
You can' t talk to him
about anything in an argument. His arguments
169
00:12:07.039 --> 00:12:11.279
are not supported anywhere. They can
go all day with shit. Stick your
170
00:12:11.320 --> 00:12:13.480
ass with the same face. What
kind of people that fuck. I have
171
00:12:13.519 --> 00:12:18.799
friends so I don' t talk
to them pussy that if I didn'
172
00:12:18.919 --> 00:12:22.600
t ex if there was hell,
For me hell would be a huge pool
173
00:12:22.679 --> 00:12:31.320
of balls, with twenty thousand kids
screaming and wheezing while supernani mesodomizes and a
174
00:12:31.320 --> 00:12:35.360
magician entertains them making colorful balloons,
while the magician drops a tear thinking it
175
00:12:35.399 --> 00:12:37.559
' s doing that shit like he
has to pay his mortgage. And I
176
00:12:37.639 --> 00:12:41.159
hate them, especially because they remind
me of the species shit that we humans
177
00:12:41.240 --> 00:12:43.399
are, which I don' t
know how we' ve come to dominate
178
00:12:43.440 --> 00:12:45.240
the rest of the species on the
planet. I' m telling you,
179
00:12:45.360 --> 00:12:48.600
I have no idea, because grown- ups have stuff, but babies are
180
00:12:48.600 --> 00:12:50.600
the worst shit in the world.
Or I say it, not to see
181
00:12:50.639 --> 00:12:52.360
if I say something strange, to
see if I have seen any documental of
182
00:12:52.360 --> 00:12:54.879
the two or national gographi and I
have seen it yes, that goes out
183
00:12:54.879 --> 00:12:58.519
there, in the middle of African
savannah, a fucking nu standing there with
184
00:12:58.559 --> 00:13:01.080
fifty degrees in the shade, I
say to you a cool animal, an
185
00:13:01.159 --> 00:13:03.399
elephant and a lion. No.
No, no, no, no,
186
00:13:03.480 --> 00:13:03.759
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
187
00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:03.759
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
188
00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:03.759
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
189
00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:03.759
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
190
00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:03.759
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
191
00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:03.759
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
192
00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:03.759
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
193
00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:03.759
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
194
00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:03.759
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
195
00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:03.759
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
196
00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:03.759
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
197
00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:03.759
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
198
00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:05.279
no, no, no, no. He' s like the animal councilman.
199
00:13:05.759 --> 00:13:09.559
Is the baby giving birth there,
the baby giving birth? In time
200
00:13:09.799 --> 00:13:13.279
the baby giving birth? And the
second, second of birth, uh,
201
00:13:13.480 --> 00:13:16.519
the baby' s already on his
feet, ready to fend for himself a
202
00:13:16.720 --> 00:13:18.919
fucking child up to the age of
seven. You' ve got to hide
203
00:13:20.120 --> 00:13:22.320
the bleach from him because Asshole goes
to babies. No, no, no,
204
00:13:22.759 --> 00:13:24.720
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
205
00:13:26.120 --> 00:13:28.399
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
206
00:13:28.559 --> 00:13:31.440
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
207
00:13:31.639 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
208
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
209
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
210
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
211
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
212
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
213
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
214
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
215
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
216
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
217
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
218
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
219
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
220
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
221
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
222
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
223
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
224
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
225
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
226
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
227
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
228
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
229
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
230
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
231
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
232
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
233
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
234
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
235
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
236
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
237
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.159
no, no, no, no, no, That' s what we
238
00:13:35.799 --> 00:13:48.200
' re talking about, like,
a good nail and a gypsy baby,
239
00:13:48.200 --> 00:13:52.240
the others, the others. Okay. There' s some gypsy oy ay
240
00:13:52.240 --> 00:14:03.399
in Joe. There' s no
racist today in joy No one' s
241
00:14:03.480 --> 00:14:05.679
normal They' re usually very shy. They don' t raise their hands.
242
00:14:07.279 --> 00:14:11.200
You don' t think racism is
one of the most hateful feelings a
243
00:14:11.279 --> 00:14:16.279
human being can have to hate another
person or to be born on the other
244
00:14:16.320 --> 00:14:18.320
side of a line or by another
skin color. I couldn' t hate
245
00:14:18.399 --> 00:14:22.200
anyone like that. I couldn'
t tell someone something because of the pinna
246
00:14:22.279 --> 00:14:24.000
color. I couldn' t tell
a nigger I hate him for his skin
247
00:14:24.080 --> 00:14:28.759
color. I would find it fatal, especially because these people know that they
248
00:14:28.799 --> 00:14:35.360
are superior to us and I could
kill myself then if I would allow myself
249
00:14:37.159 --> 00:14:41.759
to hate the gypsies, Yes,
because I respect racism when it is out
250
00:14:41.320 --> 00:14:45.879
of envy towards another race, because
they are superior to you, because I
251
00:14:45.919 --> 00:14:46.799
would choose the gypsies to hate because
they are superior to us. They have
252
00:14:46.879 --> 00:14:50.399
a lot of power, that is
to say, the civil guard will stop
253
00:14:50.480 --> 00:14:54.879
you, and the civil guard will
be more afraid than you. Is that
254
00:14:56.000 --> 00:15:00.080
power? That' s why you
have to stick to visiting hours and they
255
00:15:00.120 --> 00:15:07.000
can mount a flamenco tablao in the
waiting room. Is that power? But
256
00:15:07.039 --> 00:15:13.799
speaking of power, there you are
You have one of the most powerful weapons
257
00:15:13.840 --> 00:15:16.519
in history, one of the most
powerful weapons mankind has ever created, which
258
00:15:16.519 --> 00:15:24.279
is none other than the vagina.
Yeah, like you don' t imagine
259
00:15:24.360 --> 00:15:28.679
a very powerful weapon, very powerful, that' s the day you really
260
00:15:28.759 --> 00:15:31.240
set out to use your vagina to
dominate the world. I' m laughing
261
00:15:31.240 --> 00:15:35.360
at vagina destruction weapons. I say
more, if it goes, no,
262
00:15:35.360 --> 00:15:41.399
no, it' s not that
it' s a perfect weapon, so
263
00:15:41.559 --> 00:15:46.759
destructive, so beautiful as well but
so destructive. No government will ever be
264
00:15:46.799 --> 00:15:54.559
able to design a weapon with that
capacity to create life and fuck it up
265
00:15:54.559 --> 00:15:58.559
at the same time, I would
really love to also see it as superior.
266
00:15:58.639 --> 00:16:02.399
I would say a country just because
it has more vaginas than mine.
267
00:16:04.039 --> 00:16:07.559
Yes, you have a very powerful
weapon and I don' t want feminist
268
00:16:07.559 --> 00:16:08.360
bastards. Okay. I don'
t think feminist bastards in other things,
269
00:16:08.399 --> 00:16:11.759
because feminism was invented by men to
convince you that everything had to be achieved
270
00:16:11.759 --> 00:16:18.799
through work, intelligence and sacrifice,
when we used force throughout history. Take
271
00:16:18.799 --> 00:16:21.039
a look at the guy you have
next door right now, all the girls
272
00:16:21.039 --> 00:16:22.639
of it and take a look at
the guy you have next door? Please,
273
00:16:22.879 --> 00:16:26.080
look at him, look at him, please, you know him or
274
00:16:26.080 --> 00:16:32.559
not, look at him, imagine
the naked right now, yes, do
275
00:16:32.600 --> 00:16:36.600
it, and keep looking at him
imagine the naked, start thinking how,
276
00:16:36.799 --> 00:16:38.759
if it wasn' t with force, how we convinced you to be the
277
00:16:38.759 --> 00:16:41.399
ones you are. You' ll
have to wax and make- up.
278
00:16:42.559 --> 00:16:48.600
That only allowed one man by force. You have a guerrilla down there Bua,
279
00:16:48.799 --> 00:16:55.559
you have a cheguevara Well, if
you do the laser, you have
280
00:16:55.559 --> 00:17:00.000
a very angry Buddha. If Rambo
had Gina, they had only recorded the
281
00:17:00.039 --> 00:17:07.960
first one. I tell you,
I don' t believe in heaven or
282
00:17:07.960 --> 00:17:12.440
hell. But if there was a
sky, for me, the gates of
283
00:17:12.559 --> 00:17:22.599
heaven would be like a huge vagina
with two giant snooze lips at the door,
284
00:17:22.720 --> 00:17:27.000
that would open up just so that
you could get in while each and
285
00:17:27.000 --> 00:17:33.359
every part of your body is rubbed
on you and you' ll end up
286
00:17:33.400 --> 00:17:40.559
dangling with some sort of heavenly flow
smelling of wet dirt and that once you
287
00:17:40.559 --> 00:17:45.559
' re inside your quilted ground,
you' ll only feel an orgasm every
288
00:17:45.599 --> 00:17:51.640
time you step in and that paradise
of pleasure just get to the summun the
289
00:17:51.640 --> 00:17:56.200
time you raise your head and say
fuck. If there' s a southern
290
00:17:52.960 --> 00:18:07.519
ja here too. That' s
apart. There' s something I can
291
00:18:07.519 --> 00:18:08.920
' t do. The southern one
that I told you is because we are
292
00:18:08.960 --> 00:18:14.440
in crisis, but above all the
recognized one has personal crisis. I'
293
00:18:14.480 --> 00:18:18.240
m a shit person, especially because
I' ve invented one thing now to
294
00:18:18.240 --> 00:18:22.799
help others, which is that when
someone needs help to the best in a
295
00:18:22.839 --> 00:18:32.119
very distant country, I' ve
thought of going rounding up plugs that you
296
00:18:32.240 --> 00:18:36.000
say fuck and it' s fucked
because you say okay I' m helping
297
00:18:36.160 --> 00:18:37.920
him, but it' s with
my garbage you know it' s an
298
00:18:37.960 --> 00:18:42.839
idea that I' ve thought of
pretty fucked up, because it' s
299
00:18:42.839 --> 00:18:42.839
my crap that you say oysters is
that you don' t know how,
300
00:18:42.839 --> 00:18:47.720
how to feel. You' re
not roaring trash to help someone else they
301
00:18:47.799 --> 00:18:49.000
call you good, it' s
that to help this kid you have to
302
00:18:49.000 --> 00:18:53.759
give him your iPhone. You say
listen to the Nokia that I have in
303
00:18:53.799 --> 00:19:00.799
my drawer, they can give him
a wheelchair and I' m cool because
304
00:19:00.839 --> 00:19:03.559
because you' ve heard that about
the plugs that I' ve put in
305
00:19:03.559 --> 00:19:06.440
fashion I love because now I don' t have to feel good about my
306
00:19:06.440 --> 00:19:10.279
conscience anymore, I don' t
have to pay doctors without borders or Greenpeace
307
00:19:10.279 --> 00:19:12.319
to feel good. I just have
to go on a boat and be very
308
00:19:12.359 --> 00:19:18.279
attentive when it' s over,
you know you say good. I'
309
00:19:18.279 --> 00:19:21.720
m helping, but of course I
feel regular is contradictory. I' m
310
00:19:21.759 --> 00:19:26.480
helping out with my crap you don' t know and feeling bad I don
311
00:19:26.480 --> 00:19:29.799
' t know how you kill a
dolphin to kiss you say. You don
312
00:19:29.920 --> 00:19:32.559
' t know how to fucking feel
about this. And the good news is,
313
00:19:32.960 --> 00:19:37.720
if there' s anyone worse than
me, it' s that mad
314
00:19:37.839 --> 00:19:41.680
doctor who doesn' t know which
western country, in his madness and abundance
315
00:19:42.200 --> 00:19:45.279
of money, came one day who
said no to operate on this kid.
316
00:19:45.319 --> 00:19:53.519
I don' t want money.
My fucking mad metapons will be worth a
317
00:19:53.559 --> 00:20:00.880
hundred thousand just plugs He' ll
be able to operate the child for less
318
00:20:00.440 --> 00:20:04.400
He' ll count them there in
the Kirophane ninety- nine thousand nine hundred
319
00:20:04.480 --> 00:20:07.160
ninety- eight nine thousand nine hundred
doctor. You' ve already lost me,
320
00:20:07.839 --> 00:20:21.720
one, two, three, four. I don' t love who
321
00:20:21.720 --> 00:20:25.200
gathers around here. You get a
meeting, you put some to help none
322
00:20:25.279 --> 00:20:30.200
of you are supportive of yourself,
yes, you are, but how,
323
00:20:30.599 --> 00:20:33.799
how I also worth it, but
to see how our commitment to solidarity and
324
00:20:33.839 --> 00:20:37.960
to this child is. You,
when you buy the supermarket bottle, you
325
00:20:37.079 --> 00:20:41.480
spend it first and then you give
the cap, how I do yes,
326
00:20:41.799 --> 00:20:45.160
not sure, that' s our
level of commitment. Oh, yeah.
327
00:20:45.000 --> 00:20:48.279
If we were really engaged to that
kid, just buy the bottle, that
328
00:20:48.279 --> 00:20:52.519
is, before we even left the
supermarket, we would have already removed it
329
00:20:52.599 --> 00:20:55.640
and donated it. But what the
hell that kid' s operation can wait
330
00:20:55.680 --> 00:20:57.759
for,' cause you and I
want to drink the coke tail with gas
331
00:20:57.759 --> 00:21:07.680
to do that. So, before
we finish, he left again one of
332
00:21:07.720 --> 00:21:11.839
the reflections that my family has governed
us for all our lives and that is
333
00:21:12.279 --> 00:21:18.519
to laugh at the problems however dramatic
and stupid they are of anything. For
334
00:21:18.559 --> 00:21:21.519
example, we will always have the
bright side to everything to see. I
335
00:21:21.559 --> 00:21:25.559
have a cousin who was born with
crystal bone disease. You know what it
336
00:21:25.559 --> 00:21:30.240
is. Yeah, well, we
prefer to think that my Aunt God has
337
00:21:30.279 --> 00:21:38.960
given a child from Sbaroski and don' t impose that face on me because
338
00:21:40.039 --> 00:21:44.319
your fucking fault is the house full
of plugs. It' s been a
339
00:21:44.319 --> 00:22:02.480
pleasure being here. Thank you so
much. Thank you.
1
00:00:02.120 --> 00:00:22.120
Comedy Central Podcast. Thank you,
thank you, good night. Before I
2
00:00:22.160 --> 00:00:25.839
begin that I would like to know
what the public today looks like the latest
3
00:00:25.839 --> 00:00:29.039
steps have been taken by the Government
to get out of the crisis, so
4
00:00:29.120 --> 00:00:33.799
that we can get out of it
that you found wrong. I think the
5
00:00:33.840 --> 00:00:35.799
last ones have sung to you.
They' ve all sung to us,
6
00:00:35.960 --> 00:00:40.079
because I haven' t seen any
complaints on the street, no demonstrations for
7
00:00:40.119 --> 00:00:43.520
this last measure that they thought they
called it as between the league and the
8
00:00:43.520 --> 00:00:46.439
champion game. There are many days
and with many days you have time to
9
00:00:46.439 --> 00:00:47.920
think. And if they think,
they' ll get pissed off. If
10
00:00:48.000 --> 00:00:50.880
they get angry, they show up. If they show up, they get
11
00:00:50.880 --> 00:00:53.280
violent. And they get violent,
they can bully us. If you fuck
12
00:00:53.280 --> 00:00:54.759
us, they' ll take us
off the couch. If you don'
13
00:00:54.799 --> 00:00:56.799
t get off the couch, we
stop living at the expense of those taxes.
14
00:00:56.840 --> 00:01:00.399
So you have to live from something
and invent something to distract it.
15
00:01:00.479 --> 00:01:03.799
He goes over there and said it
was too long and he said why better.
16
00:01:03.840 --> 00:01:10.599
We don' t put it the
southern one. You' ve seen
17
00:01:10.599 --> 00:01:11.040
that it' s subsidized. Don' t tell me you don' t.
18
00:01:12.120 --> 00:01:15.439
That' s when I started freaking
out about the crisis. I mean,
19
00:01:15.599 --> 00:01:18.040
we' re going down. We
spent no time paying fifteen bucks for
20
00:01:18.079 --> 00:01:23.680
a gintonic to drink beer in buckets. Now start really freaking out the day
21
00:01:23.719 --> 00:01:27.280
you get to seal the arrest card
and tell you his shots of Jagger maisterng.
22
00:01:30.040 --> 00:01:38.359
That' s where the thing goes
down. Okay, the government'
23
00:01:38.400 --> 00:01:40.879
s invention very well, since they
can' t offer you an indefinite contract.
24
00:01:41.280 --> 00:01:45.280
They offer you to be an alcoholic. Discontinuated those very cheap fat.
25
00:01:45.400 --> 00:01:48.640
Three euros a bucket very cheap.
Very much I' ve seen Chinese buy
26
00:01:48.680 --> 00:01:55.840
beer in the normal Southern drunks is
not that how you' re going to
27
00:01:56.439 --> 00:01:57.840
complain drunk, drunk, we don' t complain about anything. So with
28
00:01:57.920 --> 00:02:00.519
the first cube you heat up eh
so with the second cube. The only
29
00:02:00.560 --> 00:02:05.560
thing you care about not getting caught
eating fuet while you pay in the box
30
00:02:05.599 --> 00:02:07.599
pussy that with the third how you
cross with a short latin dressed as a
31
00:02:07.599 --> 00:02:14.159
sailor. You say I sneak into
a fucking communion you say I don'
32
00:02:14.159 --> 00:02:15.479
t know what you' re saying
is not that I cut it in education
33
00:02:15.479 --> 00:02:19.759
look. I just studied a long
time ago. Don' t make me
34
00:02:19.919 --> 00:02:23.599
choose between three euros a bucket of
beer and you finish the race. Especially
35
00:02:23.680 --> 00:02:28.319
because we all know that going ten
times to the South, you get validated
36
00:02:30.280 --> 00:02:32.680
journalism and if you owe yourself fifteen
cubes, you are already ready to present
37
00:02:32.680 --> 00:02:38.840
sports four. I mean, I' m cool, I' m cool
38
00:02:38.840 --> 00:02:40.240
because you' re in the South, all the troubles are over. It
39
00:02:40.280 --> 00:02:45.080
' s like moving you to Germany. You' ve figured it out in
40
00:02:45.199 --> 00:02:46.080
the back, you don' t
care. It' s all right.
41
00:02:46.560 --> 00:02:50.360
You don' t care about your
country' s problems, except for one
42
00:02:50.400 --> 00:02:53.639
thing that makes you remember that you' re still in Spain, and that
43
00:02:53.680 --> 00:03:06.919
' s because they' ve tied
the opener with a chain that' s
44
00:03:07.080 --> 00:03:08.400
like telling you they' re telling
you to face take five bottles of glass,
45
00:03:08.400 --> 00:03:10.879
take a table. If you pay
enough, you can wear a short
46
00:03:10.960 --> 00:03:16.759
latin dressed as a sailor, but
if you want an opener, get yourself
47
00:03:16.759 --> 00:03:22.319
a job. Dude. We'
ve been using the openers above our possibilities.
48
00:03:23.759 --> 00:03:27.080
That' s where I' d
like to see this invention take it
49
00:03:27.080 --> 00:03:29.479
further and we could. I don' t know how to include it in
50
00:03:29.479 --> 00:03:34.840
the metric system, in the measurement
system that we have now, to include
51
00:03:35.759 --> 00:03:38.360
the beer cube as a measure,
especially to measure the shit that is in
52
00:03:38.400 --> 00:03:42.120
your life, that I tell you
a partner aunt, yesterday I fucked the
53
00:03:42.159 --> 00:03:51.840
ugliest of work, but since it
was ugly seven cubes. You love it
54
00:03:51.879 --> 00:03:55.080
because in the Southerns the two weaknesses
of my life come together and they will
55
00:03:55.120 --> 00:04:00.599
be until I die the beer and
you women. Yes, I am the
56
00:04:00.599 --> 00:04:04.639
weakness of my life, because I
believe that you overcome man in many facets,
57
00:04:05.120 --> 00:04:08.439
in many not in all, in
many, and I will give a
58
00:04:08.439 --> 00:04:10.400
couple of examples. Besides, you
can check it out for yourself. Next
59
00:04:10.479 --> 00:04:13.759
time you' re walking through your
various, there are two aunts speaking,
60
00:04:14.120 --> 00:04:21.639
please, come closer. There is
pure philosophy there, there are lessons of
61
00:04:21.720 --> 00:04:25.720
life that, perhaps, they are
speaking something transcendental of life or death.
62
00:04:26.160 --> 00:04:30.399
They' re haitiam because I'
m not going to mess with a lot
63
00:04:30.439 --> 00:04:33.000
of guys in the neighborhood, because
if I' m not going to start
64
00:04:33.040 --> 00:04:39.120
getting a bad name, they'
re going to talk bad about me and
65
00:04:39.120 --> 00:04:40.879
it' s not a very good
plan. That' s what I like
66
00:04:40.959 --> 00:04:43.000
about you guys. Not in plotting
hours, if you mess with many or
67
00:04:43.040 --> 00:04:45.959
few not, if of those prejudiced
ones, but I like that you evaluate
68
00:04:46.160 --> 00:04:55.199
the consequences and decide accordingly, because
there is a guy in this case who
69
00:04:55.279 --> 00:04:59.920
thinks fuck if he was uncle is
going to be more slutty. Are we
70
00:04:59.920 --> 00:05:03.839
like this? Yeah, we'
re assholes like that? Another example?
71
00:05:03.959 --> 00:05:06.519
Another example. You have a couple, my friend Joya, we have a
72
00:05:06.519 --> 00:05:09.800
son. Ask him for my question
the next time you agree with them,
73
00:05:10.480 --> 00:05:13.399
ask them to see what they prefer
to be when Nazca says so I,
74
00:05:13.680 --> 00:05:17.959
you don' t care whether it' s a girl boy, you'
75
00:05:20.120 --> 00:05:24.959
re going to want it crazy we
prefer a boy why you go for games.
76
00:05:25.040 --> 00:05:26.759
Yeah, well, if you have
a kid or beans to throw at
77
00:05:27.480 --> 00:05:30.680
Hostia, you' re going to
play it with chota football and that'
78
00:05:30.680 --> 00:05:32.480
s good. Oh, ma'
am, that' s good. Hey,
79
00:05:32.519 --> 00:05:39.240
but if you have a little girl, the dumbest one in your whole
80
00:05:39.319 --> 00:05:50.600
gang will be every day of your
life. We are yes, you can
81
00:05:50.720 --> 00:05:54.600
laugh because your boyfriend, your father, your brother has also said this when
82
00:05:54.639 --> 00:05:57.480
you were not at all ahead.
Because actually, even if I don'
83
00:05:57.519 --> 00:06:01.000
t recognize him now, that'
s a happy father, because a happy
84
00:06:01.000 --> 00:06:03.560
father tells me guys. He'
s not one who wants a perfect daughter,
85
00:06:03.759 --> 00:06:09.000
who takes out two races and gets
an honest and perfect family all her
86
00:06:09.000 --> 00:06:10.600
life. No. No, no, no, no, a father to
87
00:06:10.639 --> 00:06:16.560
be happy. What she wants is
a daughter with no vagina, no holes
88
00:06:16.639 --> 00:06:20.519
to penetrate, that comes the day
of childbirth the standard and I tell her
89
00:06:20.560 --> 00:06:26.839
you had this beautiful daughter, but
she' s born without pussy mother fuck
90
00:06:26.959 --> 00:06:29.439
that turns eighteen the girl and I
tell you, dad I' m leaving
91
00:06:29.439 --> 00:06:34.319
now I come I don' t
care or I go on vacation with Mario.
92
00:06:34.439 --> 00:06:41.759
I' ll pay you. That' s a happy father, the
93
00:06:41.800 --> 00:06:51.480
problem is the day that comes to
you with earache. No, no,
94
00:06:51.639 --> 00:06:55.800
what happened to him. You don' t see it as shit on your
95
00:06:55.800 --> 00:07:00.680
head. I told you hearing pain. The girl could have gone to the
96
00:07:00.800 --> 00:07:08.759
pool, she could have caught cold
skiing, but you didn' t all
97
00:07:08.759 --> 00:07:12.519
go to shit, which I thought
when I wrote this. So don'
98
00:07:12.519 --> 00:07:15.240
t stop looking at me weird.
I' m super riéras that if for
99
00:07:15.319 --> 00:07:20.199
them, we dress has no more
a look done, containing it in all
100
00:07:20.279 --> 00:07:24.959
the lights and let' s get
out of here a look that I have
101
00:07:25.000 --> 00:07:27.160
seen And every thing why you worry
uncle I explain it already, because the
102
00:07:27.240 --> 00:07:30.439
aunts know, all the tricks fell
with clothes, everyone knows. I have
103
00:07:30.439 --> 00:07:32.519
learned some I have two sisters aim, guys, to see how it is
104
00:07:32.839 --> 00:07:38.360
girls, that the vertical stripe is
not of the gazan and the horizontal ones
105
00:07:38.759 --> 00:07:42.519
make you fat yes, what white
color you fatten, no, and black
106
00:07:42.519 --> 00:07:44.639
you thin. Which is what I
think is the other way around. No.
107
00:07:44.639 --> 00:07:45.839
It' s not like that,
no. No. It' s
108
00:07:45.839 --> 00:07:46.720
clearly the other way around. It' s the other way around. It
109
00:07:46.720 --> 00:07:49.279
' s the other way around because
you put a white man and a black
110
00:07:49.279 --> 00:07:51.519
man in balls. It' s
clear that the white of the gazah and
111
00:07:51.680 --> 00:07:55.639
the black in Gorda. No.
No, no, no, no,
112
00:07:55.959 --> 00:07:58.279
no, don' t laugh that
if this were true stripes and colors,
113
00:07:58.839 --> 00:08:05.439
uh there would already be some guypavi
side making up with white gifts, with
114
00:08:05.439 --> 00:08:09.759
horizontal stripes, since there' s
no one working on that shit. I
115
00:08:09.839 --> 00:08:13.040
' m cool. You have products
that are more cool than ours. Guys.
116
00:08:13.360 --> 00:08:15.839
We' ve got some cool guys, but they' re not as
117
00:08:15.839 --> 00:08:16.279
cool as yours. There' s
one that really catches my attention. Well,
118
00:08:16.439 --> 00:08:18.240
I' ll be longer. I' m going to ask directly.
119
00:08:18.480 --> 00:08:22.199
Some woman here, some woman present, has anti- rapist spri in her
120
00:08:22.279 --> 00:08:26.759
purse. No, it' s
not to keep your face and then I
121
00:08:26.920 --> 00:08:31.040
don' t know how to cross
it out. No. No, no,
122
00:08:30.240 --> 00:08:33.799
no, none. It' s
something we comedians do. We hear
123
00:08:33.799 --> 00:08:35.600
about a subject, we turn it
around and give it our point of view.
124
00:08:35.679 --> 00:08:39.080
No, and don' t think
that if a woman has anti-
125
00:08:39.240 --> 00:08:43.840
rapist priya in her purse, that
says a lot about her. You'
126
00:08:43.919 --> 00:08:46.000
ll clearly say she' s cautious. I say it' s pretentious.
127
00:08:52.639 --> 00:08:54.679
I mean, I mean. How
good you have to believe that you are,
128
00:08:56.120 --> 00:09:01.639
how believed you have to be to
be on a Saturday changing you in
129
00:09:01.639 --> 00:09:03.919
the mirror before you go out and
saying uy, oy look, oy que
130
00:09:05.000 --> 00:09:07.600
pechitos. I still have a good
look at the fa uy the east coming
131
00:09:07.600 --> 00:09:11.879
and the legs of the spinning how
my shoes are stuck today is that smoke
132
00:09:11.919 --> 00:09:18.879
this ay I need an anti rapist
spl because because yes, no, no,
133
00:09:18.120 --> 00:09:22.840
no, no, no, I
don' t want with descent told
134
00:09:22.960 --> 00:09:26.879
me because if you' re ugly, you don' t have anti rapist
135
00:09:26.879 --> 00:09:33.159
sprey in your purse, because we
all agree that the seers are criminals and
136
00:09:33.240 --> 00:09:35.919
psychopaths, but they' re guys
and a guy is not going to throw
137
00:09:35.960 --> 00:09:39.120
twenty years in jail getting beat up
and with his ass like that for having
138
00:09:39.120 --> 00:09:45.799
fucked each other and palm. Okay. There is also the truth that also
139
00:09:45.840 --> 00:09:54.399
exists of spriyantti blador for men is
called brummel is. As I don'
140
00:09:54.399 --> 00:09:56.080
t tell you, science is cool. No, it' s not cool
141
00:09:56.080 --> 00:10:01.000
with science. They found out a
Spry I threw at you. If they
142
00:10:01.080 --> 00:10:05.960
take away the desire of or,
the desire of everything, we could not
143
00:10:05.960 --> 00:10:09.200
ask them one more step and invent
a spry to throw it out and you
144
00:10:09.279 --> 00:10:11.919
will enter the desire of o.
You' re telling me not to.
145
00:10:13.000 --> 00:10:16.919
How they' d change leisure nights, uh, guys, aunts, how
146
00:10:16.919 --> 00:10:20.559
they' d change Anda, what
you' re gonna be here watching monologites.
147
00:10:20.720 --> 00:10:22.200
How is it that how cool you
look, for example, you what
148
00:10:22.200 --> 00:10:28.159
your name is, Beatriz, is
your boyfriend, no, uh, because
149
00:10:28.159 --> 00:10:31.559
you' re trying. Don'
t imagine, Beatriz, that this nice
150
00:10:31.600 --> 00:10:35.440
boy is your boyfriend. And I, after acting out drunk, lost as
151
00:10:35.480 --> 00:10:37.919
most comedians end up, after recording
in paramont commediy when I walk out the
152
00:10:37.960 --> 00:10:41.279
door, I approach you without any
respect as a woman or by your partner
153
00:10:41.279 --> 00:10:52.960
ahead, Beatriz, I approach and
I say amasa atrebtree. We' re
154
00:10:54.000 --> 00:10:58.159
going to Beatrice right now, right
now, we' re not going to
155
00:11:01.840 --> 00:11:09.120
you and I' m going down
there and I' m going to throw
156
00:11:09.159 --> 00:11:09.480
my parents out and I' m
going to be all night practicing brains on
157
00:11:09.480 --> 00:11:13.720
anyone. I' m going to
do Beatriz the question and in front of
158
00:11:13.759 --> 00:11:16.000
your boyfriend, it would be very
simple, you, you would tell me
159
00:11:16.039 --> 00:11:24.720
that or not. Don' t
wait for you in the car See how
160
00:11:24.720 --> 00:11:33.639
the nights would change See how they
would change. I' m cool,
161
00:11:35.559 --> 00:11:41.000
I' m cool, I'
m telling you, I' d like
162
00:11:41.039 --> 00:11:43.519
to be a woman, a woman, a single woman, no children,
163
00:11:43.519 --> 00:11:46.720
because I hate children. Okay,
let' s be clear now and what
164
00:11:46.759 --> 00:11:48.279
I hate most of you, you' re these guys who go around so
165
00:11:50.480 --> 00:11:54.080
quiet saying like I love nothing kids
two fucks I used to give you I
166
00:11:54.080 --> 00:11:58.600
love kids these people what if kids
are shit people. No. No,
167
00:12:00.159 --> 00:12:01.679
no, but sometimes I' m
saying I make us meet a kid.
168
00:12:03.000 --> 00:12:07.000
You can' t talk to him
about anything in an argument. His arguments
169
00:12:07.039 --> 00:12:11.279
are not supported anywhere. They can
go all day with shit. Stick your
170
00:12:11.320 --> 00:12:13.480
ass with the same face. What
kind of people that fuck. I have
171
00:12:13.519 --> 00:12:18.799
friends so I don' t talk
to them pussy that if I didn'
172
00:12:18.919 --> 00:12:22.600
t ex if there was hell,
For me hell would be a huge pool
173
00:12:22.679 --> 00:12:31.320
of balls, with twenty thousand kids
screaming and wheezing while supernani mesodomizes and a
174
00:12:31.320 --> 00:12:35.360
magician entertains them making colorful balloons,
while the magician drops a tear thinking it
175
00:12:35.399 --> 00:12:37.559
' s doing that shit like he
has to pay his mortgage. And I
176
00:12:37.639 --> 00:12:41.159
hate them, especially because they remind
me of the species shit that we humans
177
00:12:41.240 --> 00:12:43.399
are, which I don' t
know how we' ve come to dominate
178
00:12:43.440 --> 00:12:45.240
the rest of the species on the
planet. I' m telling you,
179
00:12:45.360 --> 00:12:48.600
I have no idea, because grown- ups have stuff, but babies are
180
00:12:48.600 --> 00:12:50.600
the worst shit in the world.
Or I say it, not to see
181
00:12:50.639 --> 00:12:52.360
if I say something strange, to
see if I have seen any documental of
182
00:12:52.360 --> 00:12:54.879
the two or national gographi and I
have seen it yes, that goes out
183
00:12:54.879 --> 00:12:58.519
there, in the middle of African
savannah, a fucking nu standing there with
184
00:12:58.559 --> 00:13:01.080
fifty degrees in the shade, I
say to you a cool animal, an
185
00:13:01.159 --> 00:13:03.399
elephant and a lion. No.
No, no, no, no,
186
00:13:03.480 --> 00:13:03.759
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
187
00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:03.759
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
188
00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:03.759
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
189
00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:03.759
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
190
00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:03.759
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
191
00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:03.759
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
192
00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:03.759
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
193
00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:03.759
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
194
00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:03.759
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
195
00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:03.759
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
196
00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:03.759
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
197
00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:03.759
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
198
00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:05.279
no, no, no, no. He' s like the animal councilman.
199
00:13:05.759 --> 00:13:09.559
Is the baby giving birth there,
the baby giving birth? In time
200
00:13:09.799 --> 00:13:13.279
the baby giving birth? And the
second, second of birth, uh,
201
00:13:13.480 --> 00:13:16.519
the baby' s already on his
feet, ready to fend for himself a
202
00:13:16.720 --> 00:13:18.919
fucking child up to the age of
seven. You' ve got to hide
203
00:13:20.120 --> 00:13:22.320
the bleach from him because Asshole goes
to babies. No, no, no,
204
00:13:22.759 --> 00:13:24.720
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
205
00:13:26.120 --> 00:13:28.399
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
206
00:13:28.559 --> 00:13:31.440
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
207
00:13:31.639 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
208
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
209
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
210
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
211
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
212
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
213
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
214
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
215
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
216
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
217
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
218
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
219
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
220
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
221
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
222
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
223
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
224
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
225
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
226
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
227
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
228
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
229
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
230
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
231
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
232
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
233
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
234
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
235
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
236
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.240
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
237
00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:35.159
no, no, no, no, no, That' s what we
238
00:13:35.799 --> 00:13:48.200
' re talking about, like,
a good nail and a gypsy baby,
239
00:13:48.200 --> 00:13:52.240
the others, the others. Okay. There' s some gypsy oy ay
240
00:13:52.240 --> 00:14:03.399
in Joe. There' s no
racist today in joy No one' s
241
00:14:03.480 --> 00:14:05.679
normal They' re usually very shy. They don' t raise their hands.
242
00:14:07.279 --> 00:14:11.200
You don' t think racism is
one of the most hateful feelings a
243
00:14:11.279 --> 00:14:16.279
human being can have to hate another
person or to be born on the other
244
00:14:16.320 --> 00:14:18.320
side of a line or by another
skin color. I couldn' t hate
245
00:14:18.399 --> 00:14:22.200
anyone like that. I couldn'
t tell someone something because of the pinna
246
00:14:22.279 --> 00:14:24.000
color. I couldn' t tell
a nigger I hate him for his skin
247
00:14:24.080 --> 00:14:28.759
color. I would find it fatal, especially because these people know that they
248
00:14:28.799 --> 00:14:35.360
are superior to us and I could
kill myself then if I would allow myself
249
00:14:37.159 --> 00:14:41.759
to hate the gypsies, Yes,
because I respect racism when it is out
250
00:14:41.320 --> 00:14:45.879
of envy towards another race, because
they are superior to you, because I
251
00:14:45.919 --> 00:14:46.799
would choose the gypsies to hate because
they are superior to us. They have
252
00:14:46.879 --> 00:14:50.399
a lot of power, that is
to say, the civil guard will stop
253
00:14:50.480 --> 00:14:54.879
you, and the civil guard will
be more afraid than you. Is that
254
00:14:56.000 --> 00:15:00.080
power? That' s why you
have to stick to visiting hours and they
255
00:15:00.120 --> 00:15:07.000
can mount a flamenco tablao in the
waiting room. Is that power? But
256
00:15:07.039 --> 00:15:13.799
speaking of power, there you are
You have one of the most powerful weapons
257
00:15:13.840 --> 00:15:16.519
in history, one of the most
powerful weapons mankind has ever created, which
258
00:15:16.519 --> 00:15:24.279
is none other than the vagina.
Yeah, like you don' t imagine
259
00:15:24.360 --> 00:15:28.679
a very powerful weapon, very powerful, that' s the day you really
260
00:15:28.759 --> 00:15:31.240
set out to use your vagina to
dominate the world. I' m laughing
261
00:15:31.240 --> 00:15:35.360
at vagina destruction weapons. I say
more, if it goes, no,
262
00:15:35.360 --> 00:15:41.399
no, it' s not that
it' s a perfect weapon, so
263
00:15:41.559 --> 00:15:46.759
destructive, so beautiful as well but
so destructive. No government will ever be
264
00:15:46.799 --> 00:15:54.559
able to design a weapon with that
capacity to create life and fuck it up
265
00:15:54.559 --> 00:15:58.559
at the same time, I would
really love to also see it as superior.
266
00:15:58.639 --> 00:16:02.399
I would say a country just because
it has more vaginas than mine.
267
00:16:04.039 --> 00:16:07.559
Yes, you have a very powerful
weapon and I don' t want feminist
268
00:16:07.559 --> 00:16:08.360
bastards. Okay. I don'
t think feminist bastards in other things,
269
00:16:08.399 --> 00:16:11.759
because feminism was invented by men to
convince you that everything had to be achieved
270
00:16:11.759 --> 00:16:18.799
through work, intelligence and sacrifice,
when we used force throughout history. Take
271
00:16:18.799 --> 00:16:21.039
a look at the guy you have
next door right now, all the girls
272
00:16:21.039 --> 00:16:22.639
of it and take a look at
the guy you have next door? Please,
273
00:16:22.879 --> 00:16:26.080
look at him, look at him, please, you know him or
274
00:16:26.080 --> 00:16:32.559
not, look at him, imagine
the naked right now, yes, do
275
00:16:32.600 --> 00:16:36.600
it, and keep looking at him
imagine the naked, start thinking how,
276
00:16:36.799 --> 00:16:38.759
if it wasn' t with force, how we convinced you to be the
277
00:16:38.759 --> 00:16:41.399
ones you are. You' ll
have to wax and make- up.
278
00:16:42.559 --> 00:16:48.600
That only allowed one man by force. You have a guerrilla down there Bua,
279
00:16:48.799 --> 00:16:55.559
you have a cheguevara Well, if
you do the laser, you have
280
00:16:55.559 --> 00:17:00.000
a very angry Buddha. If Rambo
had Gina, they had only recorded the
281
00:17:00.039 --> 00:17:07.960
first one. I tell you,
I don' t believe in heaven or
282
00:17:07.960 --> 00:17:12.440
hell. But if there was a
sky, for me, the gates of
283
00:17:12.559 --> 00:17:22.599
heaven would be like a huge vagina
with two giant snooze lips at the door,
284
00:17:22.720 --> 00:17:27.000
that would open up just so that
you could get in while each and
285
00:17:27.000 --> 00:17:33.359
every part of your body is rubbed
on you and you' ll end up
286
00:17:33.400 --> 00:17:40.559
dangling with some sort of heavenly flow
smelling of wet dirt and that once you
287
00:17:40.559 --> 00:17:45.559
' re inside your quilted ground,
you' ll only feel an orgasm every
288
00:17:45.599 --> 00:17:51.640
time you step in and that paradise
of pleasure just get to the summun the
289
00:17:51.640 --> 00:17:56.200
time you raise your head and say
fuck. If there' s a southern
290
00:17:52.960 --> 00:18:07.519
ja here too. That' s
apart. There' s something I can
291
00:18:07.519 --> 00:18:08.920
' t do. The southern one
that I told you is because we are
292
00:18:08.960 --> 00:18:14.440
in crisis, but above all the
recognized one has personal crisis. I'
293
00:18:14.480 --> 00:18:18.240
m a shit person, especially because
I' ve invented one thing now to
294
00:18:18.240 --> 00:18:22.799
help others, which is that when
someone needs help to the best in a
295
00:18:22.839 --> 00:18:32.119
very distant country, I' ve
thought of going rounding up plugs that you
296
00:18:32.240 --> 00:18:36.000
say fuck and it' s fucked
because you say okay I' m helping
297
00:18:36.160 --> 00:18:37.920
him, but it' s with
my garbage you know it' s an
298
00:18:37.960 --> 00:18:42.839
idea that I' ve thought of
pretty fucked up, because it' s
299
00:18:42.839 --> 00:18:42.839
my crap that you say oysters is
that you don' t know how,
300
00:18:42.839 --> 00:18:47.720
how to feel. You' re
not roaring trash to help someone else they
301
00:18:47.799 --> 00:18:49.000
call you good, it' s
that to help this kid you have to
302
00:18:49.000 --> 00:18:53.759
give him your iPhone. You say
listen to the Nokia that I have in
303
00:18:53.799 --> 00:19:00.799
my drawer, they can give him
a wheelchair and I' m cool because
304
00:19:00.839 --> 00:19:03.559
because you' ve heard that about
the plugs that I' ve put in
305
00:19:03.559 --> 00:19:06.440
fashion I love because now I don' t have to feel good about my
306
00:19:06.440 --> 00:19:10.279
conscience anymore, I don' t
have to pay doctors without borders or Greenpeace
307
00:19:10.279 --> 00:19:12.319
to feel good. I just have
to go on a boat and be very
308
00:19:12.359 --> 00:19:18.279
attentive when it' s over,
you know you say good. I'
309
00:19:18.279 --> 00:19:21.720
m helping, but of course I
feel regular is contradictory. I' m
310
00:19:21.759 --> 00:19:26.480
helping out with my crap you don' t know and feeling bad I don
311
00:19:26.480 --> 00:19:29.799
' t know how you kill a
dolphin to kiss you say. You don
312
00:19:29.920 --> 00:19:32.559
' t know how to fucking feel
about this. And the good news is,
313
00:19:32.960 --> 00:19:37.720
if there' s anyone worse than
me, it' s that mad
314
00:19:37.839 --> 00:19:41.680
doctor who doesn' t know which
western country, in his madness and abundance
315
00:19:42.200 --> 00:19:45.279
of money, came one day who
said no to operate on this kid.
316
00:19:45.319 --> 00:19:53.519
I don' t want money.
My fucking mad metapons will be worth a
317
00:19:53.559 --> 00:20:00.880
hundred thousand just plugs He' ll
be able to operate the child for less
318
00:20:00.440 --> 00:20:04.400
He' ll count them there in
the Kirophane ninety- nine thousand nine hundred
319
00:20:04.480 --> 00:20:07.160
ninety- eight nine thousand nine hundred
doctor. You' ve already lost me,
320
00:20:07.839 --> 00:20:21.720
one, two, three, four. I don' t love who
321
00:20:21.720 --> 00:20:25.200
gathers around here. You get a
meeting, you put some to help none
322
00:20:25.279 --> 00:20:30.200
of you are supportive of yourself,
yes, you are, but how,
323
00:20:30.599 --> 00:20:33.799
how I also worth it, but
to see how our commitment to solidarity and
324
00:20:33.839 --> 00:20:37.960
to this child is. You,
when you buy the supermarket bottle, you
325
00:20:37.079 --> 00:20:41.480
spend it first and then you give
the cap, how I do yes,
326
00:20:41.799 --> 00:20:45.160
not sure, that' s our
level of commitment. Oh, yeah.
327
00:20:45.000 --> 00:20:48.279
If we were really engaged to that
kid, just buy the bottle, that
328
00:20:48.279 --> 00:20:52.519
is, before we even left the
supermarket, we would have already removed it
329
00:20:52.599 --> 00:20:55.640
and donated it. But what the
hell that kid' s operation can wait
330
00:20:55.680 --> 00:20:57.759
for,' cause you and I
want to drink the coke tail with gas
331
00:20:57.759 --> 00:21:07.680
to do that. So, before
we finish, he left again one of
332
00:21:07.720 --> 00:21:11.839
the reflections that my family has governed
us for all our lives and that is
333
00:21:12.279 --> 00:21:18.519
to laugh at the problems however dramatic
and stupid they are of anything. For
334
00:21:18.559 --> 00:21:21.519
example, we will always have the
bright side to everything to see. I
335
00:21:21.559 --> 00:21:25.559
have a cousin who was born with
crystal bone disease. You know what it
336
00:21:25.559 --> 00:21:30.240
is. Yeah, well, we
prefer to think that my Aunt God has
337
00:21:30.279 --> 00:21:38.960
given a child from Sbaroski and don' t impose that face on me because
338
00:21:40.039 --> 00:21:44.319
your fucking fault is the house full
of plugs. It' s been a
339
00:21:44.319 --> 00:22:02.480
pleasure being here. Thank you so
much. Thank you.
