July 11, 2024
Juan Carlos Cordoba - Standup comedy
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Comedy Central Podcast Bueno Majos, my
name is Juan Carlos Córdoba. And before
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anyone says hi, I have a
cousin in Cordoba. I' m sweating.
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I haven' t been in my
life in Cordoba. I come from
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here from Madrid, from a neighborhood
with a lot of crime. They say
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it' s about the drug issue. It must be true. My neighborhoods
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were once police with drug dogs and
they died of overdose. And the dogs
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didn' t because they ran away. There' s a rock that gets
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it houses, you know jo so
they got some drugs. I don'
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t want to do demagoguery on this
drug issue. No, but even if
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this is a monologue, you have
to know that there are good drugs and
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drugs that save lives. They saved
my life as a child. The drugs
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were left on a Christmas Eve my
grandmother on the open balcony, but because
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of the neighbor' s marijuana plant
downstairs. I hit a shit that killed
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me, you know, and my
grandmother, my grandson, fell into drugs.
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No, my grandmother' s a
gene She doesn' t see the
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good side of things, well,
she doesn' t see the good side
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or the bad side. My grandmother
is blind, but blind that you shit
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that Papa Monjas left the convent because
she said that he didn' t see
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a dick there. I mean,
granny, a little blind, a little
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slutty. Grandma, uh, doesn' t blind me to one day go
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into I say Grandma' s kitchen
that you' re pieging my pillow what
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she does and she says I already
found the croquettes too fat. You know,
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Grandma' s terrible. My grandfather' s worse. I have a
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grandfather who is the typical old grandfather
of postwar senior, has no fucking idea
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of new technologies. We recently gave
him the iPhone five all afternoon freaking out
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with the iPhone five, I say
you' ll see playing the lights,
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because he' s the typical old
grandfather of war, very old who sits
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down to eat with you and only
tells you three things. Or put in
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a pair of war. You needed
it and the coolest I was already working
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at your age, that I'
m going to retire at sixty- seven
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years old, I' m going
to retire at sixty- seven years old.
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He' s working all the way, me, son, bitch You
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know, this is me at your
age I was already working. It'
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s a very funny thing. But
it is said of generation and generation when
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you have children, you will tell
them, because the grandfather only says to
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the father, the father, the
son, the son, the grandson.
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It' s said in the whole
family, good less in the royal family.
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Of course, I can' t
imagine Juan cart with Philip sitting here
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on his knee telling him. But
Philip who was at your age, was
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already working, but not me of
fed but what can I do more.
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Gipo, you know, low jo,' cause it' s not bad.
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Grandfather is terrible, but the king
is going to the pot, because
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the king is old, not and
that grandfather and all the grandparents are valued.
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My grandfather' s out of his
mind or so much already. The
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other one' s getting close to
him. A little girl with a couch
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from the domun tells her, sir
for the kids you' ll say they
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don' t eat. My grandfather
says they don' t eat. A
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war. They needed it, I
mean look and all for not giving it,
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because my grandfather is very attached.
You guys, you guys were little
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kids going to school or, to
the list and at recess, you were
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asking for a heis sandwich poop that
you put your fingers on like this to
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mark just invented my grandfather. When
the sandwich hadn' t been invented.
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Son of a bitch caught. You
know, not caught, we recently had
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an accident with the highway car.
We took a shit against the median.
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Instead of calling the Samur, he
called a stone stand and says I just
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ate a median. You give me
another one or what it tastes like.
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But so fatal. My grandfather and
grandmother are so terrible, but I love
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them so much. I' ve
been growing up with my grandparents my whole
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life. My parents spent a lot
of time away from home, depending on
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the sentence the judge put in.
Between one and three years I live in
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a neighborhood. Fuckin' my dad, especially my parents. My father was
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a chorizo. My father, the
gamblers called him the telecinct twelve times.
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It doesn' t cause cause.
You know how well, uh, I
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had to steal a lot from my
dad to pay for it. My mother
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' s vice because my mother'
s an alcoholic. You know, on
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the old night, my mother was
wearing gummelons and putting twelve grapes on her.
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I was stepping on them to make
drunk wine. You know, uh,
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looking at how they drink, not
looking at it as a baby.
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The fish were singing it to my
watchful mother. Hey, for my mom,
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we called it off. They'
re melchor gaspari and valantain eye.
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You tell me my grandmother your mother
is a piece of bread I say my
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mother is a torreja of wine.
One day I' ll go with her
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and buy a bra for her.
Tells him the one from the store.
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You want it with a glass and
my mother says with a free bar.
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That drunk shit. My mother has
come home to me with farts to fuck
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my sister to throw her out the
window screaming tea picachu. I choose you
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know Filipino and my grandmother, my
granddaughter has fallen into drugs. I do
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now, but it' s so
fatal. My parents cheat, my grandparents
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are good, and that' s
why I say that my father, who
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had to dedicate himself to stealing to
pay for my mother' s bike.
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My father would have liked to devote
himself to something else, but well,
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he had to work on Robbery.
Then he' s out of politics.
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He started to stick sticks seriously.
The one who didn' t get granny,
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uh the one who didn' t
get to know my father was my
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sister to the model and we called
the model because she was born in that
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prison in Barcelona, because she wasn' t very pretty. My sister,
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my ugly sister, you see her
and you say she' s fallen from
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Guernica. The ugly little bitch cabe
in my sister' s christening. The
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flipped photographer says I saw her baptised
with water, blessed with something boiling.
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Please, the first communion made her
alone locked in her room. Holy shit
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went under the door so she wouldn' t see her. The wine was
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drunk by my mother and when the
priest came to confirm himself, son confirmed
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you are very ugly. Uh,
during my sister' s pregnancy, like
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my parents, they were serving sentences
together for my sister' s pregnancy,
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with the little roll that I had
to eat for two My mother ate my
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father' s food that she made. My father took advantage and went on
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hunger strike and got what no prisoners
on hunger strike in this country, in
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all history. To die is not
to laugh laughing, because it was a
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mess or burial a clear shame.
My father was this skinny. We dressed
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it in black, it looked like
a charcoal. My father was red-
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haired. We dressed him in white, he looked like a mess. That
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' s how hard you know we
went to get burned. One comes from
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the Tanatori and says here you can' t smoke that leaf' s pay.
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We had to bury him. I' d say what a shame.
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Now to be ashamed, when my
grandfather comes, my grandfather, as he
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didn' t know anything, says
he passes it to your father. I
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say he hasn' t eaten for
a month and says a month without having
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a war. He needed it,
and I say," Look ball"
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I mean, but, Grandpa,
he' s dead. And he says
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dead. I was already working.
I mean, look, it' s
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terrible. Son of a bitch,
she' s, uh, well,
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she' s got to work.
Now in my colleague the spoons I'
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ve got a colleague spoon. Okay. It' s like Calle Tano MartÃnez
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de Irujo, a horse enthusiast.
He' s got to work because he
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says he doesn' t have to
eat. I mean, it' s
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true, I mean because your mouth
looks like a portal with two chairs.
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The little mouse Perez owes him money
and I tell you more what the lady
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of the Barrio says, but what
happened to your mouth and listen to the
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horse power, ma' am,
but you fell handsome and said no that
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I put it in. Everything tells
me to fuck Juan Carlos Tronco. You
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remember when I got things in and
out of my teeth, because now my
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mules get in between things. You
know, he' s gonna throw a
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pig all day. Don' t
bump a pig all day with the same
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chandal. My colleague, the colleague, I don' t know what he
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expects from Calón to get a catalogue
for Yonkis, he doesn' t have
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to put a price on it.
They' re going to steal it and
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I don' t know what Ana
Botella, the Mayor of Madrid, is
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waiting for to make the Olympic barracks. They give us the Olympics. You
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know, if everybody' s already
out there with a pussy rtera racket,
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what you' re saying is that
these people don' t fight for gold.
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I mean, but don' t
see how they fight for money.
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Sage no yes, my mother,
now where I' d give it the
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gold loaf. I' m sure
they' d be Olympic March. They
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' d give it to a Yonkeye. You' ve seen how fast candan
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Yonke with sneakers to walk around the
house, you get a ride. Even
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the goat is not followed by the
legion that Yonky who gets to give the
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plate to me when the spoons are
given me to give the sheet that I
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don' t know anymore because he
goes tolba bato zumbao and he starts to
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give me the chaca. When you
hear it, Juan Callo Chaval, he
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won' t throw you, you
won' t have a cigarette that I
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follow the plea, as my grandfather
you know. Yeah, yeah, sure,
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sure, sure, you know,
but he keeps throwing your plate and
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he says hey don' t have
a cigarette. There' s something soto
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for a fighter. Fuck me,
it' s not for me to start
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seeing if I don' t get
any of it. This does not see
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nor palpolize these paalÃa nor that
I am taking off, since I have
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said but how much it costs you
a dose and tells me twenty euros and
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I say and one about two cysti
me, but it is very heavy.
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I' m a supporter. I
do, supporter. I am in favour
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of giving money to the yonkees because
if they don' t park cars they
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have ever parked the car a Yonking
that does not turn away the pig,
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that a guy who has not been
able to guide himself in life, will
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not know how to guide you to
embark, that is the other day.
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The other day I' ll go
with my car, I' ll meet
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the spoon, I' ll tell
you spoons you' ve got a hole
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out there. He tells me between
teeth in which you want champion, I
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mean, but it' s for
the car to fool helped me to park.
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I blew up the car that didn' t park the car a Johnkee
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Vale. And this is paranoid.
He doesn' t even have to laugh
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at us. But I think the
shit that hit the Titanic was pretty much
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like that. Not that rudder was
a night there, wal no, my
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captain. I don' t think
we can fit around, uh, we
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can' t fit. He went
out in Yonky Elicebert. But like I
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don' t end up champ,
come on, come on, put him
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in the mirrors Come on, Dale
Dale, Dale, I mean, fuck
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the Titanic. You know the desperate
captain who told the most whore there'
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s no boats for everyone here.
Yes, yes, OK, of course,
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since not that I' m not
in favour of it being sought in
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life Okay, because it' s
very bad with the crisis and you have
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to look for life as a Scot, we don' t look for it
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How it is with the crisis.
Hey, there' s family returning the
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children that Sister Maria stole. There' s the thing even more. But
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the worst thing isn' t that, the worst thing is that the natural
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parents are asking for the ticket,
that is to say like he stole,
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because if it' s Jess and
Roba and I didn' t have that
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I can' t speak to you
to see people don' t take care
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of their children. We' re
not going to be able to support our
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children with the crisis, i e, the shoes, it' s all
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gone up with him was the shoes
a basic thing. Well, my kids
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have gone back to school Well,
back to the barefoot. I don'
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t have Pazapates. In the end, you know what I' ve done.
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As this country of tambourine has not
raised anything taxes that have to do
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with bullfighting shows. All my children
I' ve bought handmuffs. Everything,
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the little one' s got your
shit left. The major says they give
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up in high school. I told
you. I mean, you have to
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put up with it. It'
s your first year as a teacher.
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That' s where you put up
with this or the an and you'
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re going out to protest us on
the street because the riot control is coming.
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How are Madrid riot control? Uh, before, you ran into a
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yonkeye. You changed your sidewalk.
I' ve come across an anti-
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riot and changed my wax the yonkeye
and I say I' ve already passed
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the thing very bad, good,
good, good, good as my neighborhood.
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The police don' t go in
anymore, because, like, it
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' s such a bad neighborhood.
Well, the last time there was a
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chase with the police in my neighborhood
I was going on was the police.
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You know yes. In my fucking
neighborhood. There' s the party in
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my Alucinas neighborhood, there' s
more Johnkey riding on the Witch' s
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train than dodging. You know the
pirate ship is a pirate, you'
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re getting on a trip, you' re getting off, a fucking party
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movie. They put a guy alive
once. The next day he showed up
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dead. I started smoking joints at
the parties in my neighborhood, of course
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because there is a lot of drugs, besides the dumbest way, because I
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was going through the vervain of my
neighborhood and I say look, I say
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cotton with sugar, apples with caramario. I mean, you smoke chocolate.
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That looks like a laugh because we
got caught by the neighborhood priest smoking joints.
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There my colleagues and we stare at
the workman tells me there are smoking
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joints. People who do drugs have
no goals, I say goals. I
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' m here to run. Now, Father, he tells me not to
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00:14:13.120 --> 00:14:16.639
laugh, because if you smoke a
joint, you end up injecting. Heroin,
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00:14:16.720 --> 00:14:20.480
I mean father, that' s
as exaggerated as saying that if I
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00:14:20.480 --> 00:14:31.480
become a nun, I can end
up stealing children. You don' t
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00:14:31.480 --> 00:14:33.679
tell me that' s impossible for
it to happen. I say yes,
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00:14:33.879 --> 00:14:39.440
yes, of course, I mean, I can' t believe anything a
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priest tells me, I mean,
I read the Bible, Saavis, I
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00:14:41.559 --> 00:14:43.399
give him the Bible, I can' t believe anything a priest tells me.
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00:14:43.960 --> 00:14:46.919
I' ve read the Bible and
freaked out. I mean, I
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00:14:46.200 --> 00:14:48.799
mean, the snake jo already dances
so the whale Daniel and the lion and
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00:14:48.799 --> 00:14:54.720
I say but I' m reading
the Bible or picopata hair please, I
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00:14:54.159 --> 00:14:58.200
mean, and I' m going
to believe that I' m told by
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00:14:58.240 --> 00:15:01.559
a guy like that that if I
smoke a joint, I can end up
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injecting heroin. I mean, if
I smoke a joint, I can end
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up as President of the Government,
because they say the joints take your memory
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away. I mean, it must
be true, and it' s true
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that the president of this piyfumac,
because it' s that it' s
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winning the selection and if you forget
everything you promised. No, that'
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s not me when I' m
not, when I' m cracked.
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00:15:22.679 --> 00:15:26.759
We' re not talking about education
today. But when Zapatero was in this
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00:15:26.840 --> 00:15:31.080
country and Zapatero was on TV,
I was watching the TV and I thought
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00:15:31.120 --> 00:15:37.720
he smokes Zapatero, that he rules
it, that he rules it, because
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Zapatero had to stick some smoked in
the moncloa of the good eh, but
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00:15:41.159 --> 00:15:58.600
of the pretty one of the PSSS. Wow how handsome, what handsome?
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00:16:00.039 --> 00:16:11.399
C There' s this thing that
you brought your pickle s I get my
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00:16:11.440 --> 00:16:25.120
eyebrows pointed and everything looks good.
Let' s see what we can do
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00:16:25.159 --> 00:16:33.360
to get the shrimp in. Today
Rubalcava to see a moment what happens I
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00:16:33.399 --> 00:16:38.399
will call you Rubalcalva that I am
funny. Today Rubalcava, see go here
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00:16:38.840 --> 00:16:49.799
one thing will happen look. We' re gonna slow down to a hundred
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and ten in three months. We
put it back up to one hundred and
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00:16:52.799 --> 00:16:56.360
twenty. We' re not gonna
break the dick. That joint thing,
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00:16:57.759 --> 00:17:11.680
that joint thing? Don' t
imagine, imagine. The next day he
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00:17:11.759 --> 00:17:19.920
was blushing to the Moncloa. José
Luis you' re going to freak out
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00:17:19.960 --> 00:17:32.240
that they haven' t published it
in the Official Gazette. Now that you
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00:17:32.359 --> 00:17:47.119
and the shoemaker do there stickers.
That joint thing, that joint thing?
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00:17:52.319 --> 00:17:56.200
How I' m going to want
something that a politician tells me let'
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s not even tell me a priest
can' t be looked at. Flip.
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00:17:57.160 --> 00:18:00.759
On the issue of drugs, the
Minister of Justice himself has said that
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drugs are illegal because they destroy homes. And that' s fine with me,
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but I mean pussy, I mean, drugs are illegal because they destroy
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in homes. So I say tobacco, alcohol and gambling, which are the
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foundation of the Spanish family, or
what not. Hey. And if we
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00:18:12.279 --> 00:18:15.480
already put all three crazy things together, or you put around a table,
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a family smoking, sucking wikis and
playing cards, the question is that it
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has broken more home on the drug
or the Christmas Eve is no more.
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If that' s the criterion and
we legalize everything that can destroy a home,
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everything that can break a home,
we' re going to outlaw it
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00:18:40.720 --> 00:18:42.960
and we' re going to do
it here and now, because we'
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00:18:44.039 --> 00:18:45.119
re the sovereign people and we can
do it. Okay, let' s
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just take advantage of the fact that
this is a fifteen- year- old
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camp. He' ll see his
hands raised, as well as the indignant.
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00:18:48.160 --> 00:18:51.960
All of them. I see this
as an anti- riot. He
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00:18:52.000 --> 00:18:56.319
' s got a stick, eh
ha ha ha ha. No, but
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we' re going to legalize everything
that can break a home in your opinion,
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00:19:03.599 --> 00:19:08.519
that has broken more homes, unemployment
or drugs answer it and legalize unemployment.
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00:19:10.480 --> 00:19:15.319
Here I now vote in favour.
We just outlawed unemployment. Which has
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broken more homes, evictions or drugs
and legalize the eviction Potos in favor,
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00:19:19.200 --> 00:19:25.119
which has broken more homes, labor
has a gay marriage or drugs. I
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00:19:25.160 --> 00:19:30.039
' ve caught you here, eh, for the Episcopal Conference. Abortion and
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00:19:30.079 --> 00:19:33.599
gay marriages have broken more homes than
drugs and let' s legalize the Episcopal
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00:19:33.599 --> 00:19:37.960
Conference votes in favour. Let'
s keep going, let' s keep
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00:19:37.960 --> 00:19:48.000
outlawing things. Of course we are
going to outlaw everything that can destroy a
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home, hunger, wars, weapons, tobacco, gambling alcohol. My grandfather
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said everything. Everything. My strophagar
grandfather is everything. Bullfights. You heard
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00:19:56.839 --> 00:20:00.519
right. Bullfights break more homes than
drugs. If you don' t believe
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00:20:00.519 --> 00:20:04.640
me, ask the cows. But
of course no one asks cows because they
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00:20:06.079 --> 00:20:10.559
have no feelings. In fact,
bullfighting is legal in this country, because
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00:20:10.599 --> 00:20:14.079
the bull does not suffer and this
you are going to freak out. The
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00:20:14.200 --> 00:20:18.400
protaurines hold and I swear to you
this is true, that the animal suffers
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00:20:18.480 --> 00:20:22.000
more during transport to the square than
during the fight. I mean, I
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00:20:22.079 --> 00:20:25.759
don' t believe it even if
you bring them with Ryaneos. I mean,
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00:20:26.319 --> 00:20:34.200
I don' t believe it,
I mean I' ll give you
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00:20:34.279 --> 00:20:37.200
an example? No, I mean, am I going to give you an
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00:20:37.200 --> 00:20:41.720
example? I mean, I live
in a country, I live in a
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00:20:41.839 --> 00:20:45.039
country where it' s socially better
to see a bleeding bull die than to
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smoke a joint, and I'
m going to give you this example.
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00:20:47.720 --> 00:20:51.279
Difame the bull from the vega.
I knew what he said. Not defaming
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00:20:51.319 --> 00:20:55.440
the bull can mean a fine of
three zero euros, as well as smoking
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00:20:55.480 --> 00:21:00.200
a joint on the public road.
You know the conclusion that I get from
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00:21:00.319 --> 00:21:12.880
this that I travel in torsillas comes
out for six thousand bucks seriously And if
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00:21:12.960 --> 00:21:17.759
we already difame the bull, we
get in nine thousand. You know,
289
00:21:18.079 --> 00:21:22.240
but we' re going to continue
to outlaw things that can destroy a home
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00:21:22.319 --> 00:21:23.880
and not leave the horns that have
broken more homes, adultery or drugs.
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00:21:25.480 --> 00:21:30.200
I understand that you can' t
keep your eyes shut, but the rest
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00:21:30.240 --> 00:21:32.680
of us, I mean, don' t be hypocrites. I mean,
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00:21:32.799 --> 00:21:36.559
you walk into your bedroom, you
see a joint in an ashtray to your
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00:21:36.559 --> 00:21:41.200
wife, on all fours, and
a black guy giving her a shoe from
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00:21:41.240 --> 00:21:44.039
behind, and you' re gonna
tell me that the first thing that comes
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00:21:44.039 --> 00:21:56.599
out of your mouth is a joint. I mean, let' s visualize
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00:21:56.599 --> 00:21:59.839
it. If you do me a
favor, you can close your eyes that
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00:21:59.920 --> 00:22:04.160
situation, close your eyes all right
boys, enter your room The lady has
299
00:22:06.079 --> 00:22:11.400
already imagined the black. Don'
t imagine it. Close your eyes,
300
00:22:11.480 --> 00:22:15.119
imagine that situation, enter in your
room and you see a pronunciation of your
301
00:22:15.160 --> 00:22:19.680
woman on all fours is worth girls, you are the woman, you are
302
00:22:19.680 --> 00:22:25.200
imagining it, boys you do not
think so bad to the drug girls,
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00:22:25.240 --> 00:22:30.839
how you are having fun eh anyway, you have felt violent no, anyway,
304
00:22:30.799 --> 00:22:33.279
you have felt violent no, because
of course, how you are going
305
00:22:33.359 --> 00:22:36.920
to imagine that. How are you
going to imagine your wife in four parts,
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00:22:37.240 --> 00:22:38.440
the girls are saying. I can' t imagine that. I mean,
307
00:22:38.519 --> 00:22:41.720
I got my guy next door,
lie to him, tell him you
308
00:22:41.759 --> 00:22:45.880
were thinking about something else. He
does it every day, no, but
309
00:22:45.039 --> 00:22:48.319
we' re going to do it
in a neutral environment. This same thing
310
00:22:48.359 --> 00:22:51.799
we will imagine with third people so
that it does not affect us so much,
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00:22:52.240 --> 00:22:55.799
that is to close our eyes.
We shut it down and now we
312
00:22:55.799 --> 00:22:56.960
imagine an ordinary guy we don'
t know about anything. A very common
313
00:22:57.000 --> 00:23:02.039
man, José, seems well,
I don' t know, enters a
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00:23:02.119 --> 00:23:06.000
bedroom and sees his wife on all
fours and a black man giving him a
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00:23:06.000 --> 00:23:07.759
slipper from behind. You' re
imagining it. Yeah, well, now
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00:23:07.759 --> 00:23:11.799
you switch to black for a pigeon. It is Frey nine months you call
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00:23:11.000 --> 00:23:17.160
him Jesus and we already have Christianity. You don' t think so.
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00:23:18.880 --> 00:23:27.079
It' s no more. We
already have the Bethlehem seriously, we have
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00:23:27.160 --> 00:23:30.039
the bel monta. Because you don' t have to put on or go
320
00:23:30.039 --> 00:23:30.799
or mule anymore. I' m
not going, I' m not going,
321
00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:30.799
I' m not going, I' m going, I' m
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00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:30.799
going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
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00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:30.799
going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
324
00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:30.799
going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
325
00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:30.799
going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
326
00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:30.799
going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
327
00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:30.799
going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
328
00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:30.799
going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
329
00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:30.799
going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
330
00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:30.799
going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
331
00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:30.799
going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
332
00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:30.799
going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
333
00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:30.799
going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
334
00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:30.799
going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
335
00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:30.799
going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
336
00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:32.079
going, I' m going,
I' m going. You don'
337
00:23:32.079 --> 00:23:33.039
t have to put up, I
don' t have to go, I
338
00:23:33.039 --> 00:23:33.039
don' t have to go,
I don' t have a mule.
339
00:23:33.079 --> 00:23:36.880
Now it turns out that magician kings
are Andalusians, that is, as we
340
00:23:36.880 --> 00:23:40.799
go on. So it turns out
that the child the thefts Sister Mary,
341
00:23:41.119 --> 00:23:44.559
St Joseph was a travelo and Mary, for Mary must be what the Pope
342
00:23:44.599 --> 00:23:47.319
smokes to write these things, because
if I don' t explain it to
343
00:23:47.680 --> 00:23:48.880
me you know that, in the
end see them a nativity scene is going
344
00:23:48.880 --> 00:23:51.599
to make a movie of Almodóvar.
This man, as he keeps taking things
345
00:23:51.680 --> 00:23:53.640
away, is not going to be
freaking out. Approve the atheists above speaking
346
00:23:53.640 --> 00:24:10.119
the Bethlehem and we should go and
legalize the Christmas Eve just because we don
347
00:24:10.160 --> 00:24:12.640
' t have to remove the Bethlehem
after Christmas. To you it happens what
348
00:24:12.640 --> 00:24:15.160
to me that the Bethlehem is finished, that is, they took out the
349
00:24:15.200 --> 00:24:22.839
Christmases and the Bethlehem can stay there. I say on Monday and I don
350
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' t say on Sunday that they
don' t work day that I don
351
00:24:23.920 --> 00:24:25.559
' t work, they touch me. I don' t take it off
352
00:24:25.559 --> 00:24:29.359
either. I have the record to
remove the Bethlehem. In August. I
353
00:24:29.440 --> 00:24:30.480
swear to you, I' m
going to remove the Bethlehem. There was
354
00:24:30.480 --> 00:24:33.359
no longer Bethlehem, there was a
St Joseph' s snack bar making a
355
00:24:33.359 --> 00:24:37.359
paya for the Magi. I swear
to you, the boy Jesus was already
356
00:24:37.400 --> 00:24:40.559
walking and everything, uh, if
he goes to the La Virgen River,
357
00:24:40.920 --> 00:24:44.880
don' t get cocky, he
cuts off your digestion. St Joseph says
358
00:24:44.920 --> 00:24:47.680
something to the child and Joseph doesn' t tell the child' s nest
359
00:24:47.759 --> 00:24:52.440
anything for three reasons. First,
I' m not his father. Second,
360
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nothing will happen to him until he' s thirty- three. And
361
00:24:56.039 --> 00:24:57.920
third, the river of silver paper
takes it to the spoons a while ago.
362
00:24:59.079 --> 00:25:11.799
I mean, I don' t
say anything to the child and we
363
00:25:11.400 --> 00:25:15.960
should legalize Christmas Eve precisely because I
destroy homes. Jesus' first, that
364
00:25:15.960 --> 00:25:18.759
is, is not his father.
Saint Joseph, that is, Jesus was
365
00:25:18.759 --> 00:25:25.640
born in a broken home. Jesus
because he was born twenty centuries ago comes
366
00:25:25.720 --> 00:25:27.920
out in the Bible and ends up
crucified. If Jesus is born, now
367
00:25:27.920 --> 00:25:36.000
the older brother comes out, bursting
a door, but he was born twenty
368
00:25:36.079 --> 00:25:41.880
centuries ago and ends up crucified.
And when he is crucified, he says
369
00:25:41.960 --> 00:25:45.400
above my God, my God,
why have you forsaken me. If I
370
00:25:45.480 --> 00:25:49.000
am his father, if I am
God, I open heaven and tell him
371
00:25:49.079 --> 00:25:53.079
that Jesus is thirty- three years
old. You live with your parents.
372
00:25:53.240 --> 00:25:57.400
You' re out there all day
with the cabbages that why she left you,
373
00:25:57.440 --> 00:26:02.839
because she was already working, Jesus, because I was still working.
374
00:26:04.039 --> 00:26:07.200
Thank you very much for seeing if
you' d a little bit. Thank
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you very much.
1
00:00:02.120 --> 00:00:20.359
Comedy Central Podcast Bueno Majos, my
name is Juan Carlos Córdoba. And before
2
00:00:20.359 --> 00:00:22.760
anyone says hi, I have a
cousin in Cordoba. I' m sweating.
3
00:00:26.000 --> 00:00:27.920
I haven' t been in my
life in Cordoba. I come from
4
00:00:27.920 --> 00:00:30.559
here from Madrid, from a neighborhood
with a lot of crime. They say
5
00:00:30.559 --> 00:00:33.560
it' s about the drug issue. It must be true. My neighborhoods
6
00:00:33.600 --> 00:00:39.119
were once police with drug dogs and
they died of overdose. And the dogs
7
00:00:39.159 --> 00:00:43.520
didn' t because they ran away. There' s a rock that gets
8
00:00:43.520 --> 00:00:51.039
it houses, you know jo so
they got some drugs. I don'
9
00:00:51.039 --> 00:00:54.000
t want to do demagoguery on this
drug issue. No, but even if
10
00:00:54.039 --> 00:00:57.079
this is a monologue, you have
to know that there are good drugs and
11
00:00:57.159 --> 00:00:59.759
drugs that save lives. They saved
my life as a child. The drugs
12
00:01:00.079 --> 00:01:03.079
were left on a Christmas Eve my
grandmother on the open balcony, but because
13
00:01:03.119 --> 00:01:04.120
of the neighbor' s marijuana plant
downstairs. I hit a shit that killed
14
00:01:04.159 --> 00:01:07.400
me, you know, and my
grandmother, my grandson, fell into drugs.
15
00:01:11.239 --> 00:01:17.840
No, my grandmother' s a
gene She doesn' t see the
16
00:01:17.879 --> 00:01:19.439
good side of things, well,
she doesn' t see the good side
17
00:01:19.439 --> 00:01:22.120
or the bad side. My grandmother
is blind, but blind that you shit
18
00:01:22.120 --> 00:01:23.680
that Papa Monjas left the convent because
she said that he didn' t see
19
00:01:23.719 --> 00:01:27.799
a dick there. I mean,
granny, a little blind, a little
20
00:01:27.799 --> 00:01:30.719
slutty. Grandma, uh, doesn' t blind me to one day go
21
00:01:30.719 --> 00:01:34.480
into I say Grandma' s kitchen
that you' re pieging my pillow what
22
00:01:34.480 --> 00:01:37.200
she does and she says I already
found the croquettes too fat. You know,
23
00:01:37.959 --> 00:01:40.920
Grandma' s terrible. My grandfather' s worse. I have a
24
00:01:40.920 --> 00:01:44.840
grandfather who is the typical old grandfather
of postwar senior, has no fucking idea
25
00:01:44.840 --> 00:01:49.040
of new technologies. We recently gave
him the iPhone five all afternoon freaking out
26
00:01:49.079 --> 00:01:53.040
with the iPhone five, I say
you' ll see playing the lights,
27
00:01:53.200 --> 00:01:57.400
because he' s the typical old
grandfather of war, very old who sits
28
00:01:57.439 --> 00:01:59.719
down to eat with you and only
tells you three things. Or put in
29
00:01:59.719 --> 00:02:07.439
a pair of war. You needed
it and the coolest I was already working
30
00:02:07.480 --> 00:02:12.120
at your age, that I'
m going to retire at sixty- seven
31
00:02:12.159 --> 00:02:19.960
years old, I' m going
to retire at sixty- seven years old.
32
00:02:20.000 --> 00:02:23.319
He' s working all the way, me, son, bitch You
33
00:02:23.680 --> 00:02:24.759
know, this is me at your
age I was already working. It'
34
00:02:24.759 --> 00:02:29.599
s a very funny thing. But
it is said of generation and generation when
35
00:02:29.639 --> 00:02:31.960
you have children, you will tell
them, because the grandfather only says to
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00:02:31.960 --> 00:02:34.719
the father, the father, the
son, the son, the grandson.
37
00:02:35.039 --> 00:02:37.879
It' s said in the whole
family, good less in the royal family.
38
00:02:37.960 --> 00:02:43.080
Of course, I can' t
imagine Juan cart with Philip sitting here
39
00:02:43.120 --> 00:02:47.520
on his knee telling him. But
Philip who was at your age, was
40
00:02:47.560 --> 00:02:52.520
already working, but not me of
fed but what can I do more.
41
00:02:52.560 --> 00:03:02.039
Gipo, you know, low jo,' cause it' s not bad.
42
00:03:02.080 --> 00:03:07.879
Grandfather is terrible, but the king
is going to the pot, because
43
00:03:07.879 --> 00:03:09.400
the king is old, not and
that grandfather and all the grandparents are valued.
44
00:03:10.159 --> 00:03:12.879
My grandfather' s out of his
mind or so much already. The
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00:03:12.960 --> 00:03:14.879
other one' s getting close to
him. A little girl with a couch
46
00:03:14.960 --> 00:03:16.800
from the domun tells her, sir
for the kids you' ll say they
47
00:03:16.800 --> 00:03:19.039
don' t eat. My grandfather
says they don' t eat. A
48
00:03:19.120 --> 00:03:24.680
war. They needed it, I
mean look and all for not giving it,
49
00:03:24.759 --> 00:03:30.280
because my grandfather is very attached.
You guys, you guys were little
50
00:03:30.360 --> 00:03:36.159
kids going to school or, to
the list and at recess, you were
51
00:03:36.319 --> 00:03:42.840
asking for a heis sandwich poop that
you put your fingers on like this to
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00:03:42.840 --> 00:03:44.000
mark just invented my grandfather. When
the sandwich hadn' t been invented.
53
00:03:44.039 --> 00:03:51.840
Son of a bitch caught. You
know, not caught, we recently had
54
00:03:51.919 --> 00:03:54.479
an accident with the highway car.
We took a shit against the median.
55
00:03:54.479 --> 00:03:57.840
Instead of calling the Samur, he
called a stone stand and says I just
56
00:03:57.879 --> 00:04:00.759
ate a median. You give me
another one or what it tastes like.
57
00:04:00.479 --> 00:04:06.960
But so fatal. My grandfather and
grandmother are so terrible, but I love
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00:04:08.039 --> 00:04:10.280
them so much. I' ve
been growing up with my grandparents my whole
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00:04:10.280 --> 00:04:13.879
life. My parents spent a lot
of time away from home, depending on
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00:04:13.919 --> 00:04:16.480
the sentence the judge put in.
Between one and three years I live in
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00:04:16.560 --> 00:04:19.240
a neighborhood. Fuckin' my dad, especially my parents. My father was
62
00:04:19.279 --> 00:04:23.199
a chorizo. My father, the
gamblers called him the telecinct twelve times.
63
00:04:23.439 --> 00:04:28.439
It doesn' t cause cause.
You know how well, uh, I
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00:04:28.519 --> 00:04:30.279
had to steal a lot from my
dad to pay for it. My mother
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00:04:30.279 --> 00:04:31.759
' s vice because my mother'
s an alcoholic. You know, on
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00:04:31.839 --> 00:04:34.399
the old night, my mother was
wearing gummelons and putting twelve grapes on her.
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00:04:34.399 --> 00:04:38.680
I was stepping on them to make
drunk wine. You know, uh,
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00:04:39.000 --> 00:04:45.959
looking at how they drink, not
looking at it as a baby.
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00:04:46.000 --> 00:04:48.920
The fish were singing it to my
watchful mother. Hey, for my mom,
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00:04:49.120 --> 00:04:51.240
we called it off. They'
re melchor gaspari and valantain eye.
71
00:04:53.800 --> 00:04:56.240
You tell me my grandmother your mother
is a piece of bread I say my
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00:04:56.319 --> 00:05:00.079
mother is a torreja of wine.
One day I' ll go with her
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00:05:00.199 --> 00:05:02.319
and buy a bra for her.
Tells him the one from the store.
74
00:05:02.399 --> 00:05:04.199
You want it with a glass and
my mother says with a free bar.
75
00:05:04.240 --> 00:05:14.639
That drunk shit. My mother has
come home to me with farts to fuck
76
00:05:14.680 --> 00:05:16.639
my sister to throw her out the
window screaming tea picachu. I choose you
77
00:05:16.920 --> 00:05:30.360
know Filipino and my grandmother, my
granddaughter has fallen into drugs. I do
78
00:05:30.360 --> 00:05:33.720
now, but it' s so
fatal. My parents cheat, my grandparents
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00:05:33.920 --> 00:05:39.240
are good, and that' s
why I say that my father, who
80
00:05:39.360 --> 00:05:40.839
had to dedicate himself to stealing to
pay for my mother' s bike.
81
00:05:41.120 --> 00:05:43.399
My father would have liked to devote
himself to something else, but well,
82
00:05:43.759 --> 00:05:45.759
he had to work on Robbery.
Then he' s out of politics.
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00:05:45.839 --> 00:05:49.680
He started to stick sticks seriously.
The one who didn' t get granny,
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00:05:57.279 --> 00:05:59.160
uh the one who didn' t
get to know my father was my
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00:05:59.279 --> 00:06:04.959
sister to the model and we called
the model because she was born in that
86
00:06:04.959 --> 00:06:05.920
prison in Barcelona, because she wasn' t very pretty. My sister,
87
00:06:06.000 --> 00:06:09.199
my ugly sister, you see her
and you say she' s fallen from
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00:06:09.199 --> 00:06:14.360
Guernica. The ugly little bitch cabe
in my sister' s christening. The
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00:06:14.360 --> 00:06:16.399
flipped photographer says I saw her baptised
with water, blessed with something boiling.
90
00:06:16.839 --> 00:06:24.399
Please, the first communion made her
alone locked in her room. Holy shit
91
00:06:24.399 --> 00:06:28.879
went under the door so she wouldn' t see her. The wine was
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00:06:28.920 --> 00:06:40.959
drunk by my mother and when the
priest came to confirm himself, son confirmed
93
00:06:41.120 --> 00:06:46.360
you are very ugly. Uh,
during my sister' s pregnancy, like
94
00:06:46.399 --> 00:06:49.279
my parents, they were serving sentences
together for my sister' s pregnancy,
95
00:06:49.480 --> 00:06:54.000
with the little roll that I had
to eat for two My mother ate my
96
00:06:54.040 --> 00:06:56.480
father' s food that she made. My father took advantage and went on
97
00:06:56.519 --> 00:07:01.920
hunger strike and got what no prisoners
on hunger strike in this country, in
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00:07:01.959 --> 00:07:14.639
all history. To die is not
to laugh laughing, because it was a
99
00:07:14.680 --> 00:07:16.360
mess or burial a clear shame.
My father was this skinny. We dressed
100
00:07:16.360 --> 00:07:19.920
it in black, it looked like
a charcoal. My father was red-
101
00:07:19.920 --> 00:07:21.519
haired. We dressed him in white, he looked like a mess. That
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00:07:21.519 --> 00:07:26.160
' s how hard you know we
went to get burned. One comes from
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00:07:26.240 --> 00:07:28.160
the Tanatori and says here you can' t smoke that leaf' s pay.
104
00:07:29.279 --> 00:07:30.519
We had to bury him. I' d say what a shame.
105
00:07:30.560 --> 00:07:32.639
Now to be ashamed, when my
grandfather comes, my grandfather, as he
106
00:07:32.639 --> 00:07:34.839
didn' t know anything, says
he passes it to your father. I
107
00:07:34.839 --> 00:07:36.959
say he hasn' t eaten for
a month and says a month without having
108
00:07:36.959 --> 00:07:39.279
a war. He needed it,
and I say," Look ball"
109
00:07:41.879 --> 00:07:43.600
I mean, but, Grandpa,
he' s dead. And he says
110
00:07:43.600 --> 00:07:46.600
dead. I was already working.
I mean, look, it' s
111
00:07:46.600 --> 00:07:54.480
terrible. Son of a bitch,
she' s, uh, well,
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00:07:54.600 --> 00:07:58.319
she' s got to work.
Now in my colleague the spoons I'
113
00:07:58.319 --> 00:08:00.720
ve got a colleague spoon. Okay. It' s like Calle Tano MartÃnez
114
00:08:00.759 --> 00:08:07.480
de Irujo, a horse enthusiast.
He' s got to work because he
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00:08:07.519 --> 00:08:09.199
says he doesn' t have to
eat. I mean, it' s
116
00:08:09.319 --> 00:08:11.680
true, I mean because your mouth
looks like a portal with two chairs.
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00:08:13.720 --> 00:08:18.839
The little mouse Perez owes him money
and I tell you more what the lady
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00:08:18.879 --> 00:08:20.959
of the Barrio says, but what
happened to your mouth and listen to the
119
00:08:22.040 --> 00:08:24.839
horse power, ma' am,
but you fell handsome and said no that
120
00:08:24.920 --> 00:08:31.319
I put it in. Everything tells
me to fuck Juan Carlos Tronco. You
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00:08:31.360 --> 00:08:35.320
remember when I got things in and
out of my teeth, because now my
122
00:08:35.360 --> 00:08:41.200
mules get in between things. You
know, he' s gonna throw a
123
00:08:41.200 --> 00:08:48.480
pig all day. Don' t
bump a pig all day with the same
124
00:08:48.480 --> 00:08:50.240
chandal. My colleague, the colleague, I don' t know what he
125
00:08:50.279 --> 00:08:54.679
expects from Calón to get a catalogue
for Yonkis, he doesn' t have
126
00:08:54.679 --> 00:08:56.360
to put a price on it.
They' re going to steal it and
127
00:08:56.399 --> 00:09:01.559
I don' t know what Ana
Botella, the Mayor of Madrid, is
128
00:09:01.559 --> 00:09:03.720
waiting for to make the Olympic barracks. They give us the Olympics. You
129
00:09:03.720 --> 00:09:05.879
know, if everybody' s already
out there with a pussy rtera racket,
130
00:09:07.480 --> 00:09:09.320
what you' re saying is that
these people don' t fight for gold.
131
00:09:09.399 --> 00:09:11.960
I mean, but don' t
see how they fight for money.
132
00:09:11.159 --> 00:09:26.200
Sage no yes, my mother,
now where I' d give it the
133
00:09:26.200 --> 00:09:28.519
gold loaf. I' m sure
they' d be Olympic March. They
134
00:09:28.559 --> 00:09:31.320
' d give it to a Yonkeye. You' ve seen how fast candan
135
00:09:31.000 --> 00:09:35.600
Yonke with sneakers to walk around the
house, you get a ride. Even
136
00:09:35.679 --> 00:09:39.399
the goat is not followed by the
legion that Yonky who gets to give the
137
00:09:39.440 --> 00:09:41.919
plate to me when the spoons are
given me to give the sheet that I
138
00:09:41.919 --> 00:09:45.159
don' t know anymore because he
goes tolba bato zumbao and he starts to
139
00:09:45.200 --> 00:09:46.879
give me the chaca. When you
hear it, Juan Callo Chaval, he
140
00:09:46.960 --> 00:09:48.240
won' t throw you, you
won' t have a cigarette that I
141
00:09:48.279 --> 00:09:50.679
follow the plea, as my grandfather
you know. Yeah, yeah, sure,
142
00:09:50.759 --> 00:09:52.080
sure, sure, you know,
but he keeps throwing your plate and
143
00:09:52.080 --> 00:09:54.240
he says hey don' t have
a cigarette. There' s something soto
144
00:09:54.279 --> 00:09:56.759
for a fighter. Fuck me,
it' s not for me to start
145
00:09:56.799 --> 00:09:58.759
seeing if I don' t get
any of it. This does not see
146
00:09:58.799 --> 00:10:01.879
nor palpolize these paalÃa nor that
I am taking off, since I have
147
00:10:01.919 --> 00:10:03.840
said but how much it costs you
a dose and tells me twenty euros and
148
00:10:03.919 --> 00:10:07.840
I say and one about two cysti
me, but it is very heavy.
149
00:10:09.440 --> 00:10:16.000
I' m a supporter. I
do, supporter. I am in favour
150
00:10:16.080 --> 00:10:22.679
of giving money to the yonkees because
if they don' t park cars they
151
00:10:22.679 --> 00:10:26.559
have ever parked the car a Yonking
that does not turn away the pig,
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00:10:26.639 --> 00:10:28.440
that a guy who has not been
able to guide himself in life, will
153
00:10:28.480 --> 00:10:31.519
not know how to guide you to
embark, that is the other day.
154
00:10:31.360 --> 00:10:35.440
The other day I' ll go
with my car, I' ll meet
155
00:10:35.440 --> 00:10:35.879
the spoon, I' ll tell
you spoons you' ve got a hole
156
00:10:35.879 --> 00:10:39.320
out there. He tells me between
teeth in which you want champion, I
157
00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:43.679
mean, but it' s for
the car to fool helped me to park.
158
00:10:43.720 --> 00:10:46.320
I blew up the car that didn' t park the car a Johnkee
159
00:10:46.320 --> 00:10:48.360
Vale. And this is paranoid.
He doesn' t even have to laugh
160
00:10:48.360 --> 00:10:52.720
at us. But I think the
shit that hit the Titanic was pretty much
161
00:10:52.799 --> 00:11:01.000
like that. Not that rudder was
a night there, wal no, my
162
00:11:01.039 --> 00:11:05.200
captain. I don' t think
we can fit around, uh, we
163
00:11:05.200 --> 00:11:07.960
can' t fit. He went
out in Yonky Elicebert. But like I
164
00:11:07.960 --> 00:11:20.440
don' t end up champ,
come on, come on, put him
165
00:11:20.559 --> 00:11:24.559
in the mirrors Come on, Dale
Dale, Dale, I mean, fuck
166
00:11:24.559 --> 00:11:28.039
the Titanic. You know the desperate
captain who told the most whore there'
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00:11:28.039 --> 00:11:31.159
s no boats for everyone here.
Yes, yes, OK, of course,
168
00:11:31.480 --> 00:11:35.320
since not that I' m not
in favour of it being sought in
169
00:11:35.320 --> 00:11:37.480
life Okay, because it' s
very bad with the crisis and you have
170
00:11:37.559 --> 00:11:39.960
to look for life as a Scot, we don' t look for it
171
00:11:39.960 --> 00:11:43.480
How it is with the crisis.
Hey, there' s family returning the
172
00:11:43.480 --> 00:11:50.120
children that Sister Maria stole. There' s the thing even more. But
173
00:11:50.200 --> 00:11:56.279
the worst thing isn' t that, the worst thing is that the natural
174
00:11:56.279 --> 00:12:00.960
parents are asking for the ticket,
that is to say like he stole,
175
00:12:01.200 --> 00:12:03.120
because if it' s Jess and
Roba and I didn' t have that
176
00:12:03.159 --> 00:12:05.159
I can' t speak to you
to see people don' t take care
177
00:12:05.159 --> 00:12:07.480
of their children. We' re
not going to be able to support our
178
00:12:07.480 --> 00:12:11.000
children with the crisis, i e, the shoes, it' s all
179
00:12:11.080 --> 00:12:13.200
gone up with him was the shoes
a basic thing. Well, my kids
180
00:12:13.320 --> 00:12:16.600
have gone back to school Well,
back to the barefoot. I don'
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00:12:16.600 --> 00:12:18.960
t have Pazapates. In the end, you know what I' ve done.
182
00:12:20.480 --> 00:12:22.480
As this country of tambourine has not
raised anything taxes that have to do
183
00:12:22.519 --> 00:12:28.120
with bullfighting shows. All my children
I' ve bought handmuffs. Everything,
184
00:12:28.360 --> 00:12:31.360
the little one' s got your
shit left. The major says they give
185
00:12:31.480 --> 00:12:35.120
up in high school. I told
you. I mean, you have to
186
00:12:35.120 --> 00:12:37.240
put up with it. It'
s your first year as a teacher.
187
00:12:37.240 --> 00:12:48.879
That' s where you put up
with this or the an and you'
188
00:12:48.919 --> 00:12:50.639
re going out to protest us on
the street because the riot control is coming.
189
00:12:50.679 --> 00:12:54.240
How are Madrid riot control? Uh, before, you ran into a
190
00:12:54.240 --> 00:12:56.759
yonkeye. You changed your sidewalk.
I' ve come across an anti-
191
00:12:56.799 --> 00:13:01.399
riot and changed my wax the yonkeye
and I say I' ve already passed
192
00:13:01.399 --> 00:13:09.240
the thing very bad, good,
good, good, good as my neighborhood.
193
00:13:09.240 --> 00:13:11.080
The police don' t go in
anymore, because, like, it
194
00:13:11.120 --> 00:13:11.720
' s such a bad neighborhood.
Well, the last time there was a
195
00:13:11.799 --> 00:13:15.240
chase with the police in my neighborhood
I was going on was the police.
196
00:13:15.879 --> 00:13:20.120
You know yes. In my fucking
neighborhood. There' s the party in
197
00:13:20.159 --> 00:13:22.080
my Alucinas neighborhood, there' s
more Johnkey riding on the Witch' s
198
00:13:22.080 --> 00:13:26.720
train than dodging. You know the
pirate ship is a pirate, you'
199
00:13:26.799 --> 00:13:31.879
re getting on a trip, you' re getting off, a fucking party
200
00:13:31.879 --> 00:13:35.000
movie. They put a guy alive
once. The next day he showed up
201
00:13:35.000 --> 00:13:39.519
dead. I started smoking joints at
the parties in my neighborhood, of course
202
00:13:39.559 --> 00:13:43.399
because there is a lot of drugs, besides the dumbest way, because I
203
00:13:43.440 --> 00:13:45.840
was going through the vervain of my
neighborhood and I say look, I say
204
00:13:45.840 --> 00:13:48.000
cotton with sugar, apples with caramario. I mean, you smoke chocolate.
205
00:13:48.080 --> 00:13:58.000
That looks like a laugh because we
got caught by the neighborhood priest smoking joints.
206
00:13:58.039 --> 00:14:01.080
There my colleagues and we stare at
the workman tells me there are smoking
207
00:14:01.120 --> 00:14:09.519
joints. People who do drugs have
no goals, I say goals. I
208
00:14:09.519 --> 00:14:13.120
' m here to run. Now, Father, he tells me not to
209
00:14:13.120 --> 00:14:16.639
laugh, because if you smoke a
joint, you end up injecting. Heroin,
210
00:14:16.720 --> 00:14:20.480
I mean father, that' s
as exaggerated as saying that if I
211
00:14:20.480 --> 00:14:31.480
become a nun, I can end
up stealing children. You don' t
212
00:14:31.480 --> 00:14:33.679
tell me that' s impossible for
it to happen. I say yes,
213
00:14:33.879 --> 00:14:39.440
yes, of course, I mean, I can' t believe anything a
214
00:14:39.440 --> 00:14:41.559
priest tells me, I mean,
I read the Bible, Saavis, I
215
00:14:41.559 --> 00:14:43.399
give him the Bible, I can' t believe anything a priest tells me.
216
00:14:43.960 --> 00:14:46.919
I' ve read the Bible and
freaked out. I mean, I
217
00:14:46.200 --> 00:14:48.799
mean, the snake jo already dances
so the whale Daniel and the lion and
218
00:14:48.799 --> 00:14:54.720
I say but I' m reading
the Bible or picopata hair please, I
219
00:14:54.159 --> 00:14:58.200
mean, and I' m going
to believe that I' m told by
220
00:14:58.240 --> 00:15:01.559
a guy like that that if I
smoke a joint, I can end up
221
00:15:01.559 --> 00:15:03.000
injecting heroin. I mean, if
I smoke a joint, I can end
222
00:15:03.080 --> 00:15:07.759
up as President of the Government,
because they say the joints take your memory
223
00:15:07.759 --> 00:15:09.799
away. I mean, it must
be true, and it' s true
224
00:15:09.799 --> 00:15:13.120
that the president of this piyfumac,
because it' s that it' s
225
00:15:13.159 --> 00:15:13.519
winning the selection and if you forget
everything you promised. No, that'
226
00:15:13.759 --> 00:15:22.600
s not me when I' m
not, when I' m cracked.
227
00:15:22.679 --> 00:15:26.759
We' re not talking about education
today. But when Zapatero was in this
228
00:15:26.840 --> 00:15:31.080
country and Zapatero was on TV,
I was watching the TV and I thought
229
00:15:31.120 --> 00:15:37.720
he smokes Zapatero, that he rules
it, that he rules it, because
230
00:15:37.840 --> 00:15:41.080
Zapatero had to stick some smoked in
the moncloa of the good eh, but
231
00:15:41.159 --> 00:15:58.600
of the pretty one of the PSSS. Wow how handsome, what handsome?
232
00:16:00.039 --> 00:16:11.399
C There' s this thing that
you brought your pickle s I get my
233
00:16:11.440 --> 00:16:25.120
eyebrows pointed and everything looks good.
Let' s see what we can do
234
00:16:25.159 --> 00:16:33.360
to get the shrimp in. Today
Rubalcava to see a moment what happens I
235
00:16:33.399 --> 00:16:38.399
will call you Rubalcalva that I am
funny. Today Rubalcava, see go here
236
00:16:38.840 --> 00:16:49.799
one thing will happen look. We' re gonna slow down to a hundred
237
00:16:49.879 --> 00:16:52.799
and ten in three months. We
put it back up to one hundred and
238
00:16:52.799 --> 00:16:56.360
twenty. We' re not gonna
break the dick. That joint thing,
239
00:16:57.759 --> 00:17:11.680
that joint thing? Don' t
imagine, imagine. The next day he
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was blushing to the Moncloa. José
Luis you' re going to freak out
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that they haven' t published it
in the Official Gazette. Now that you
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and the shoemaker do there stickers.
That joint thing, that joint thing?
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How I' m going to want
something that a politician tells me let'
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s not even tell me a priest
can' t be looked at. Flip.
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On the issue of drugs, the
Minister of Justice himself has said that
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drugs are illegal because they destroy homes. And that' s fine with me,
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but I mean pussy, I mean, drugs are illegal because they destroy
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in homes. So I say tobacco, alcohol and gambling, which are the
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foundation of the Spanish family, or
what not. Hey. And if we
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already put all three crazy things together, or you put around a table,
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a family smoking, sucking wikis and
playing cards, the question is that it
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has broken more home on the drug
or the Christmas Eve is no more.
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If that' s the criterion and
we legalize everything that can destroy a home,
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everything that can break a home,
we' re going to outlaw it
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and we' re going to do
it here and now, because we'
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re the sovereign people and we can
do it. Okay, let' s
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just take advantage of the fact that
this is a fifteen- year- old
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camp. He' ll see his
hands raised, as well as the indignant.
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All of them. I see this
as an anti- riot. He
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' s got a stick, eh
ha ha ha ha. No, but
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we' re going to legalize everything
that can break a home in your opinion,
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that has broken more homes, unemployment
or drugs answer it and legalize unemployment.
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Here I now vote in favour.
We just outlawed unemployment. Which has
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broken more homes, evictions or drugs
and legalize the eviction Potos in favor,
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which has broken more homes, labor
has a gay marriage or drugs. I
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' ve caught you here, eh, for the Episcopal Conference. Abortion and
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gay marriages have broken more homes than
drugs and let' s legalize the Episcopal
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Conference votes in favour. Let'
s keep going, let' s keep
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outlawing things. Of course we are
going to outlaw everything that can destroy a
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home, hunger, wars, weapons, tobacco, gambling alcohol. My grandfather
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said everything. Everything. My strophagar
grandfather is everything. Bullfights. You heard
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00:19:56.839 --> 00:20:00.519
right. Bullfights break more homes than
drugs. If you don' t believe
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me, ask the cows. But
of course no one asks cows because they
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have no feelings. In fact,
bullfighting is legal in this country, because
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the bull does not suffer and this
you are going to freak out. The
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protaurines hold and I swear to you
this is true, that the animal suffers
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more during transport to the square than
during the fight. I mean, I
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don' t believe it even if
you bring them with Ryaneos. I mean,
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I don' t believe it,
I mean I' ll give you
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an example? No, I mean, am I going to give you an
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example? I mean, I live
in a country, I live in a
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country where it' s socially better
to see a bleeding bull die than to
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smoke a joint, and I'
m going to give you this example.
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Difame the bull from the vega.
I knew what he said. Not defaming
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the bull can mean a fine of
three zero euros, as well as smoking
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a joint on the public road.
You know the conclusion that I get from
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00:21:00.319 --> 00:21:12.880
this that I travel in torsillas comes
out for six thousand bucks seriously And if
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we already difame the bull, we
get in nine thousand. You know,
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00:21:18.079 --> 00:21:22.240
but we' re going to continue
to outlaw things that can destroy a home
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and not leave the horns that have
broken more homes, adultery or drugs.
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I understand that you can' t
keep your eyes shut, but the rest
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of us, I mean, don' t be hypocrites. I mean,
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you walk into your bedroom, you
see a joint in an ashtray to your
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wife, on all fours, and
a black guy giving her a shoe from
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behind, and you' re gonna
tell me that the first thing that comes
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out of your mouth is a joint. I mean, let' s visualize
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00:21:56.599 --> 00:21:59.839
it. If you do me a
favor, you can close your eyes that
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situation, close your eyes all right
boys, enter your room The lady has
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already imagined the black. Don'
t imagine it. Close your eyes,
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imagine that situation, enter in your
room and you see a pronunciation of your
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woman on all fours is worth girls, you are the woman, you are
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imagining it, boys you do not
think so bad to the drug girls,
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how you are having fun eh anyway, you have felt violent no, anyway,
304
00:22:30.799 --> 00:22:33.279
you have felt violent no, because
of course, how you are going
305
00:22:33.359 --> 00:22:36.920
to imagine that. How are you
going to imagine your wife in four parts,
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00:22:37.240 --> 00:22:38.440
the girls are saying. I can' t imagine that. I mean,
307
00:22:38.519 --> 00:22:41.720
I got my guy next door,
lie to him, tell him you
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00:22:41.759 --> 00:22:45.880
were thinking about something else. He
does it every day, no, but
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we' re going to do it
in a neutral environment. This same thing
310
00:22:48.359 --> 00:22:51.799
we will imagine with third people so
that it does not affect us so much,
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00:22:52.240 --> 00:22:55.799
that is to close our eyes.
We shut it down and now we
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00:22:55.799 --> 00:22:56.960
imagine an ordinary guy we don'
t know about anything. A very common
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00:22:57.000 --> 00:23:02.039
man, José, seems well,
I don' t know, enters a
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bedroom and sees his wife on all
fours and a black man giving him a
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00:23:06.000 --> 00:23:07.759
slipper from behind. You' re
imagining it. Yeah, well, now
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00:23:07.759 --> 00:23:11.799
you switch to black for a pigeon. It is Frey nine months you call
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him Jesus and we already have Christianity. You don' t think so.
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00:23:18.880 --> 00:23:27.079
It' s no more. We
already have the Bethlehem seriously, we have
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00:23:27.160 --> 00:23:30.039
the bel monta. Because you don' t have to put on or go
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00:23:30.039 --> 00:23:30.799
or mule anymore. I' m
not going, I' m not going,
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I' m not going, I' m going, I' m
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00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:30.799
going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
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00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:30.799
going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
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00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:30.799
going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
325
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going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
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00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:30.799
going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
327
00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:30.799
going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
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going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
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going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
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going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
331
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going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
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00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:30.799
going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
333
00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:30.799
going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
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00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:30.799
going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
335
00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:30.799
going, I' m going,
I' m going, I' m
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00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:32.079
going, I' m going,
I' m going. You don'
337
00:23:32.079 --> 00:23:33.039
t have to put up, I
don' t have to go, I
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00:23:33.039 --> 00:23:33.039
don' t have to go,
I don' t have a mule.
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00:23:33.079 --> 00:23:36.880
Now it turns out that magician kings
are Andalusians, that is, as we
340
00:23:36.880 --> 00:23:40.799
go on. So it turns out
that the child the thefts Sister Mary,
341
00:23:41.119 --> 00:23:44.559
St Joseph was a travelo and Mary, for Mary must be what the Pope
342
00:23:44.599 --> 00:23:47.319
smokes to write these things, because
if I don' t explain it to
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00:23:47.680 --> 00:23:48.880
me you know that, in the
end see them a nativity scene is going
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00:23:48.880 --> 00:23:51.599
to make a movie of Almodóvar.
This man, as he keeps taking things
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00:23:51.680 --> 00:23:53.640
away, is not going to be
freaking out. Approve the atheists above speaking
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00:23:53.640 --> 00:24:10.119
the Bethlehem and we should go and
legalize the Christmas Eve just because we don
347
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' t have to remove the Bethlehem
after Christmas. To you it happens what
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to me that the Bethlehem is finished, that is, they took out the
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Christmases and the Bethlehem can stay there. I say on Monday and I don
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' t say on Sunday that they
don' t work day that I don
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' t work, they touch me. I don' t take it off
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00:24:25.559 --> 00:24:29.359
either. I have the record to
remove the Bethlehem. In August. I
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swear to you, I' m
going to remove the Bethlehem. There was
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00:24:30.480 --> 00:24:33.359
no longer Bethlehem, there was a
St Joseph' s snack bar making a
355
00:24:33.359 --> 00:24:37.359
paya for the Magi. I swear
to you, the boy Jesus was already
356
00:24:37.400 --> 00:24:40.559
walking and everything, uh, if
he goes to the La Virgen River,
357
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don' t get cocky, he
cuts off your digestion. St Joseph says
358
00:24:44.920 --> 00:24:47.680
something to the child and Joseph doesn' t tell the child' s nest
359
00:24:47.759 --> 00:24:52.440
anything for three reasons. First,
I' m not his father. Second,
360
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nothing will happen to him until he' s thirty- three. And
361
00:24:56.039 --> 00:24:57.920
third, the river of silver paper
takes it to the spoons a while ago.
362
00:24:59.079 --> 00:25:11.799
I mean, I don' t
say anything to the child and we
363
00:25:11.400 --> 00:25:15.960
should legalize Christmas Eve precisely because I
destroy homes. Jesus' first, that
364
00:25:15.960 --> 00:25:18.759
is, is not his father.
Saint Joseph, that is, Jesus was
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00:25:18.759 --> 00:25:25.640
born in a broken home. Jesus
because he was born twenty centuries ago comes
366
00:25:25.720 --> 00:25:27.920
out in the Bible and ends up
crucified. If Jesus is born, now
367
00:25:27.920 --> 00:25:36.000
the older brother comes out, bursting
a door, but he was born twenty
368
00:25:36.079 --> 00:25:41.880
centuries ago and ends up crucified.
And when he is crucified, he says
369
00:25:41.960 --> 00:25:45.400
above my God, my God,
why have you forsaken me. If I
370
00:25:45.480 --> 00:25:49.000
am his father, if I am
God, I open heaven and tell him
371
00:25:49.079 --> 00:25:53.079
that Jesus is thirty- three years
old. You live with your parents.
372
00:25:53.240 --> 00:25:57.400
You' re out there all day
with the cabbages that why she left you,
373
00:25:57.440 --> 00:26:02.839
because she was already working, Jesus, because I was still working.
374
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Thank you very much for seeing if
you' d a little bit. Thank
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you very much.
