Crianza positiva

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Why the affective relationships I have are
not stable. I like assertiveness, why

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it invites us to prudence that what
should motivate our word is always love is

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You and that is already the basis
to go out to conquer many goals,

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to fight, to give a better
version and enjoy life fully. You know

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many times through email, social networks
and the different spaces where I meet you,

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you ask me about the characteristics of
an effective parenting process. I accept

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to be asked about that subject and
try to respond because although I am not

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a father and I am not because
of a free and conscious decision I made

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at the beginning of my adult state, as I began to exercise the Presbyteral

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Ministry in the Catholic Church. But
I have worked with many young people throughout

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my life, I have accompanied many
parents and many young people in their upbringing

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process and, in addition, I
have read and worked a lot on this

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topic. That is why I dare
to put forward some characteristics of that formation,

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of that process of effective upbringing.
Knowing that there are no magic formulas,

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knowing that everything also depends on contextualization
and the way you live, I

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have to say that I understand parenting
as a process of progressive accompaniment, of

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acquisition, of autonomy. That is
to say, for me the objective of

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a good upbringing process is that the
child should be free, autonomous, responsible.

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The process is accompanying, because it
is there as a reference, as

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a model of life, as a
guide. He is there as someone who

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with his example and with his words
illuminates the existence of the child, but

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also as someone who is experiencing that
process of progressive autonomy. It is not

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autonomous in the same way at the
age of five as at the age of

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fifteen as at the age of thirty. That has to be clear in the

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parenting process. I really like what
they call positive parenting, that one that

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focuses on the healthy and harmonious development
of children, both in the physical aspect

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and in the emotional, social and
cognitive aspect. It seems to me that

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we could think of five characteristics of
that parenting process. First of all,

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the basis is always love. The
daughter is accompanied in that process for love.

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You have children out of love and
it is the basis of love that

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is expressed in understanding. Parents who
practice positive parenting are loving, understanding,

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spending time with their children, listening
attentively, and striving to understand their needs

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and feelings, depending on the moment
of their life. It' s love.

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Don' t tell me the intention
is for me to be a good

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man, a good woman. Don' t tell me those words we'

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ve learned. You' re not
there raising him because you love him,

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because you love her. The second
characteristic is, without doubt, an open

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and honest communication, an open and
honest dialogue, that is, parents,

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guardians must talk to their children about
their expectations, their limits, their values,

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and they must do so in a
clear and affectionate way. Watch this

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because you have to know that children
cannot be fooled, you cannot build myths

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that they then check are not true. They should be spoken to honestly,

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with respect, with love and expressed
expectations, rules and values. That'

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s the way it has to be. In those days he would listen to

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someone who would say if you told
a child, you would tell him that

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a mouse came for his tooth and
left him money. He believes it.

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If you tell a child that Santa
claus or Papa noel who is beautiful in

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a chariot carriage pulled by reindeer and
brings him gifts, he believes it,

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well, well. Same way.
If you do. That kid tells him

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he' s gross, he'
s dumb, he has no chance.

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He' s gonna believe it.
That is why dialogue must be respectful,

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loving and honest. The third characteristic
is undoubtedly discipline or clear limits. Hey,

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kids need clear boundaries. Those limits
are the ones that allow you to

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feel safe. Those limits are the
ones that allow them to be clear about

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what they are expecting from them.
When we meet these parents who do not

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draw boundaries that they are afraid to
set rules, we find parents who are

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forming insecure children, children who will
not be able to share with society because

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they do not know how far the
rules go. It is necessary to propose

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clear limits that are discussed with them
that are announced and from which a sanction

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arises when they are not able to
meet them. The fourth characteristic is what

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we might call correction, and it
is certainly a positive correction. It'

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s not abuse. I don'
t believe in violence in any way,

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verbal or physical towards children. Children
need to have a limit, a limit,

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and they need to understand that there
are consequences of if they do not

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meet those limits, to learn to
self- regulate, to learn to resolve

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conflicts, to learn to make decisions. Parents show these consequences and sanctions have

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to be learning experiences. They cannot
be unscathed, they cannot be manifestations of

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anger, rage, hatred. They
certainly don' t have to be learning

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experiences. For them, a fifth
characteristic is that autonomy must be encouraged.

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I insist that it is progressive,
but it must be encouraged so that they

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can go on making decisions from the
smallest to the largest, which they will

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have to make as adults little by
little, but calmly. One day I

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met my sister who proposed to Ivan
the son. It was a Saturday and

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I proposed to the son they had
to go to a children' s party

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and offer him four pints and tell
him which one you put on and then

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I asked him and why me,
because he has to go making those decisions.

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There' s a limit. There
are four of them, they are

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not infinite, but he has to
make decisions and he has to go.

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For me, these five characteristics are
fundamental in a parenting process. Now I

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would add one more that I developed
the other day in one of the columns

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that I write for the newspaper,
El Heraldo de Barranquilla, and it is

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spirituality. How to find spiritual practices
that help the child' s formation,

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not to subject him to the empire
of guilt, not to frighten him,

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not to make him live in a
fantasy and magical world, not to help

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him develop and train his spiritual skills. I recommend that article, that column

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I published in the newspaper El Heraldo
Hey. Thank you for being there and

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thank you for sharing this moment with
me. You know bom Bux.